Am I being totally unreasonable?? - Page 2

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mini mama Posts: 834
Hey pet i know its very hard but i think he basically needs a kick in his arse....I think you need to work on your friendships and not allow him to come between ye....i think when people are in relationships and espec if they're younger they tend to throw themselves 100% into the relationship,they can sometimes be "said and led" by their partner...i did this in my early 20s and lost friends and was in awe of bf.....thing is now in my 30's i love my h2b but i love my friends and there is room for both have to accept he doesnt like some of your friends etc and move on as its you that will suffer in the end...also not to be harsh but sounds like you'll need them at some time cos he sounds like he is taking the p1ss big time and if your not happy you will need your friends to help you thru :xox
jellywellies Posts: 2268
ciara it must be awful feeling like that! But you need to put your own feelings first and decide if you can live this this. So your family like him - but they don't see him behind closed doors etc... I think you's need to have a serious chin-wag and talk through things. Tell him how you're feeling - if he blows off, then that's the child in him. Men don't like being proved wrong!! When are you's due to get married?
Forgottenpassword Posts: 1078
Oh Ciara, that sounds horrible to be honest. So you have a row where he is wrong, and you go and spend money to get things back on track, and he does not even put his hand in his pocket or say Thank you??? I know it is easy to sit here on the outside looking in, but, he does sound as if he is emotionally abusive to you. It is like he has some sort of power over you, you are dancing around him, paying for everything, and keeping him happy and all the while he is just acting like a spoilt child O:| You use you money to buy him things, and then you have to sit in because you are broke, while he is out with his friends - there has to be something wrong there. Stop buying him things. We do not love the people we love because they buy us things, we love them for who they are. As for people outside the house not knowing what he is like, surely that should speak volumes as well - if he can charm the birds off the trees, but, is cruel to you - does that not tell you something??? He knows exactly what he is doing. I don't know you, or your relationship from Adam, but, if you were my friend and came to me with this story, I would be telling you to run and never look back, sorry! FP
mrsb09 Posts: 1292
ciara what age is he do you mind me asking?? he sounds very immature sorry dont want to offend you but he does. you should start going out with your friends whether he likes them or not, they have been around longer than he has. what do your friends think of him or your family?? your family and friends will only want the best for you and someone who you treats you well. im sure your friends would not mind you going out by yourself even if it is couples the awkardness will only last a few mins or so, or more likely will only be in your head. dont let your friendships drift apart because of this man. you really need to decide why is he like this, if you marry him you are stuck with sort of life, he sounds like he only goes out to the pub... maybe frighten him and sit him down and tell him your not happy and you need a few days by yourself to think things through as your no longer prepared to settle for this typ of treatment. :wv
ciara xx Posts: 75
He is 30. I'm coming 24 - you'd think he'd be the mature one. He's not happy unless he gets his way. There is never any compromise. I just emailed my friend to see if she wanted to go out for something to eat and a few drinks and she suggested meeting on St. Patricks Day :thnk This is the one who I've sort fo drifted away from because of him. He can either like it or lump cuz at this moment and time I'm not sure if I want to spend the rest of my life with him or not.
blissful2b Posts: 1555
so it sounds like there's a whole lot more going on than him wanting to be in the pub on paddy's day! what i'll still say is that he isn't stopping you from seeing your friends. rather he just doesn't want to be there with them. which is fair enough. my H2b has some friends that he would go to visit and i' haven't even met them! doesn't bother me in the slightest. i'll happily go out with friends even if it's just me. the awkwardness is in your head. now the bit i don't agree with is you paying for everything. you are basically paying for his trips to the pub. so how about saying to him you can't afford to pay for all the bills and he'll need to contribute something towards them. that'll help you out and cut down on the spare money he has for drinking. you both sound absolutely fed up. time to have a serious think about what you want and deserve and work out if this is really how you want your life to be with him. great that you are getting out with your friend!
mrsb09 Posts: 1292
yipee you so right to meet up with your friend, ye will have a great day. start to mingle more your friends and stop putting him and his mates first. you are so yound to be dealing with this crap, so start to put yourself first. hope you have a great day of it.
marleymoo Posts: 503
Hi Ciara hope ur ok. I can see it from both sides we went hrough somethin similar a few years back before we got engaged....I made good friends with h2bs friends and their GFs and socialised every weekend with them, but it always ended up in a row if i wnated both of us to go out with my friends (I still went out with my friends quite a bit). My arguement was i make such an effort with his it wouldnt hurt for him to try a bit harder with mine...his was he never asked me to make an effort and to stop if i felt so strongly about it!! >:o( >:o( We actually ended up breakin up over it (among other things, basically his lack of respect for me ie makin my own way homelike you described etc, my friends, always doin what he wanted over what I wanted). Anyway we did obviously get back together and he has grown up A LOT.Hes realised its all about give and take. But what I want to bring home is boy did I need those friends when i was at my lowest I wouldnt have got through it without them. And Im so glad I stuck up for them and for myself and put my foot down. If I were you Id sit down with H2B and tell him you love him but your friends are as important as his. Ask him to occasionally make the effort to see your friends but more importantly make time for them and you alone. Girly nights can be the best and it lets him know you arent relyin on him for a night out, because if he thinks you are he'll think he can dictate when and where you go and who with. As for St Patricks day if your anythin like me and you go with him and his friends you wont enjoy yourself now anyway after you've had words about it. Even if your girls are in Belfast maybeyou cud spend a nice day with your famiy? Hope that helps xx
Trixy3 Posts: 2041
Hey Ciara I was just reading this, my heart goes out to you hun, it must be so hard for you.... What do you think went wrong after the engagement???? Are his friends in relationships or married??? I was so glad to read that you are heading out with your friend Paddy's day at least you won't be on your own after going home you can sleep in your own bed... Best of luck Ciara and enjoy your day out with your friend :action32
Veruca-Salt Posts: 1542
Hey Ciara, That sounds really rough, you poor thing! I am really sorry that things are so tough for you at the moment- I agree with the advice from the other girls about talking it out, meeting your friends alone and putting yourself first. I would not worry too much about not having heaps of mutual friends or not becoming bessies mates with each others friends- thats pretty standard Irish men! :o0 The other stuff does not sound too healthy though TBH. He is really lucky to have you, he needs to remember that! Have a fab day with your friend on Paddys day! :wv