Girls please help me in my dilemma.... i am new to this site and really need your opinions.
My childhood BFF is getting married and asked me to be one of her bridesmaids. Absolutly chuffed and feel so privlidged.
There is a major problem, I suffered a miscarriage earlier this year (this is before my friend got engaged) really finding it very hard to deal with and have been trying since. BFF asked me to be bridesmaid and I honestly thought I'd get pregnant and plan my due date before her wedding (I told her this and she was great about it) I didn't get pregnant and am so so so upset. I told her that I will be waiting until her wedding and might even try to be two or three months pregnant for her wedding and again she is brilliant... she has mentioned that i should think about things and make sure I'm making the right choice.
Things have been especially hard this month (without going into too much detail I felt at times i've been on the verge of breakdown at times) and on one hand i really want to keep trying, and this would completly clash with her wedding and would mean letting her down and on the other hand I'm so happy to be involved in her wedding and would feel that it could cause problems with our friendship.
I don't know what to do, I have no sisters and no other really close friends so it would be my only chance to be bridesmaid and I'm so chuffed she asked me - could you brides to be/ married ladies please give me your opinions?
Secondly you have got to put yourself first on this one, if you want to keep trying to get pregnant then you absolutley must do that, no way should you put it off until another year or so just to be a bridesmaid (you didn't mention how long it is until the wedding)
If she really is your BFF then she will completley understand, she will know what you've been through already. Does she have other bridesmaids, or someone in mind in case you cannot do it??
There is no reason why you can't still get involved in the wedding planning and whatever else you would be doing with her.
Like you say you may be 3 or 4 mths pregnant when she gets married and can still do it. Or else if you do get pregnant and know that at the time of the wedding you would be say 6 or 7 mths, then you can give her plenty of notice. Either way, if I were you and REALLY wanted to concieve I would crack on and keep trying.
Maybe you should have a chat with her and explain that it is important to you that you are involved in her wedding planning but on the other hand time is ticking and you will also trying to concieve.
Good Luck x
Firstly , so sorry to hear of your loss, I've been there so know how your feeling.
Talk to her and explain that you really want to keep trying. If she leaves it till a few months before hand to buy the dress there shouldnt be a problem.
OR else ask her to get someone else to be bridesmaid now.......
I'm sure she'll understand.
Good luck with it all
poor you, it must be very hard dealing with the miscarriage
I think you should try again and I'm sure your friend will understand and if she edoesn't then that is another story.
Good luck with the trying
It sounds like your friend totally understands. If one of my BMs had been pregnant for my wedding, I'd have been thrilled - I wouldn't have expected them to put their lives on hold just for me. Have a chat to her about how you're feeling- it sounds like you need some reassurance. Hope you get your BFP soon, pet
Sorry to hear about your loss. Been there years ago and its not the easiest time. My advice is to drop out of being BM but dont explain why. Just tell her it is due to health problems. Honestly, if you tell her the real reason, she wont understand. Unless she has direct experience of it, she really wont get it.
I would not put your life on hold to be BM, definetly not, especially when you have been through enough. Im sure your friend would understand and there is bound to be someone that could step into your shoes if you found out that you were expecting and would be heavily pregnant by the time of the wedding.
Remember this is your choice, not hers.
Another thing, I know if it was me and I really wanted someone to be BM and they were heavily pregnant and still willing to be BM I would work around it. Either get a dress made or buy a maternity BM dress in the same colour, there are plenty of online sites that stock maternity BM dresses.
I agree with the other posters
Your baby to be needs to be priority here and she sounds like she completely undersands.. Concentrate on that and please god if you do fall pregnant and are able to hold it ( I lost a baby too so I know how devastating it can be) then cross that bridge then... she sounds like she is a good friend and would be just thrilled for you... The dress can be let out etc if that is what ye want ..
Good luck with it.... hope you conceive soon and be careful of stress... I was under a lot of pressure when I fell pregnant with with a lot of travelling etc and the doctor said that could have had something to do with it... We will try ourselves soon after the wedding so hopefully it will be 2nd time lucky;o)
I think it sounds like she understands. If it was me, I'm be delighted for my bridesmaid if she got pregnant and of course I'd expect the baby to be her priority.
Girls thanks for the feed back..... I just wanted to make sure I'm not being all Me Me Me!!! If i got pregnant this month I wouldn't be able to be bridesmaid i'd be due the week before the wedding - is that being incrediable selfish? I think If I didn't get pg this month or next month (and be able to give her a good bit of notice) then I'd wait trying until nearer her wedding. She is a great friend, I know she'd be delighted for me but I don't get a chance to see her (she lives in the north) often and talk face to face with her to let her knows whats going on!!!