I was a loyal user of WOL in the two year run up to my wedding which was due to happen 6 months ago. There were alot of things not right and i somehow managed to dig deep for some strength and called off the wedding and relationship 3 weeks before the actual day. To say it was a tramatic experience would put it mildly! My feelings go in waves of hurt, loss, anger - some ways feels like someone has died but for the most part i feel let down and have a deep hole in front of me i can't seem to get around. I have been going to councilling and have been depressed of late. I have been doing all the things all teh books say you shoudl be doing, leaning on friends, getting some male distractions, going out with the girls, working. but just wondering is there anyone else that's been through this process out the other side and if you've a happy ending story to share. You can PM me if you like.
Oh my god how brave of you to call everything off! Fingers crossed both of you can move on with your lives. I've no idea of the circumstances of your split but I'm sure it was for the best and you just need to keep thinking of that.
I couldn't not reply. While I have no real personal experience of what you are going through. I know 3 people who have made it out the other side and one who is at the same stage as you are now. ( 1 was my Uncle who has since married and has 3 kids, a cousin of mine who was getting married to a french girl who changed her mind on the morning of the wedding) Both of these happened some time ago I won't tell any details of the other two but they were from the womens point of view and one of them is getting soon.
It seems that you are doing all they right things. (As you said you are doing them by the book) Maybe you need to forget about what people say you should be doing and thing of what you want from your life. Are you happy in your job, Do you want to travel, Is there something you always wanted to study. Any of these 3 will help you to move on and give you something to look forward to (These are all things that my friends and family above have done).
Hope things start to get better for you soon.
Hi im so sorry about how you are feeling. it must have taken a hugh amount of courage to do what you did and im sure u didnt make the decision lightly. So just focus on why you made that decision. Sometimes when things are going crap it can be very easy to look back with "Rose-tinted" glasses and think you would have been better to go ahead with the wedding. So dont let that happen.
Like mayobride says you have done what the books tell you to do now do what you want to do. Maybe a few months away from it all will help. A complete change of scenary with no memories.
Im not much help but i hope you feel better soon
girls thanks for your replies, it was the hardest decision i've ever had to make, i have no regrets but in a way am grieving. I loved him but love was blind and while there was alot of good times there were alot of bad which deep down in my soul I knew wasn't what I wanted out of marriage. After the break up I was initially on a bit of an addrenaline buzz going going going but now it just seems to have just hit me like a blank across the head!!! hold on missy - don't live in fairy land you have to deal with this and that the direction in my life has completely changed. I have thought of getting away, I would really like to do that but not just as easy as that. I was off work there for 2 weeks sick - well was exhausted and stressed. I went away for 2 days down the country and you know they were the best days that i had so i know getting away from it all would do me the world of good
Good luck Starsss. I hope that you manage to put all the hurt behind you and that you find happiness (single or otherwise).
well Starss. If anybody i know read your post they would say it was me! the exact same situation. I am here 8-9 mnths after what should have been the big day & i can assure you it gets easier. Like you I did the 'breaking' & its tough because people feel you broke it off so you cant be that upset. It is perfectly normal to feel the loss. Follow your instincts when it comes to doing the right things- not the books or agendas of others. I still battle with what friends/families feel is right for me to do. One thing i will say that has helped come to where I am is a positive attitude & a belief that it will be ok. if you dont have that you will stay stuck in past tense. this sounds like a really crazy suggestion but i'm just saying it becasue we(ex & I) did it. we didnt break up eventhough called off wedding- we postponed it initially- it was a few months later the relationship ended. Whislt we both knew it was right we were both very upset so we actually went to a counsellor together to discuss the actual 'breaking up'- Starss it was the most enlightening thing i have ever done. It helped so much- the closure & release was immense. I can say that today I am happy out. yes i do think about the beautiful house i walked away from, the plans we had made ( like I was hoping to be pregnant by now!!), the security, the friendship but i know the most importnat thing wasnt there- real love & thats what i remind myself of if i start thinking oh what have i done. you will be fine. please feel free to pm me. best of luck big hugs hun
I commend you for having the guts to do this... Plenty of women would never do it and would go through with a wedding and a marriage they weren't sure of. You did the right thing. The One is still out there waiting for you. Try to enjoy yourself until you meet him..... The very, very best of luck.
I was in the same position as you a few years ago. I was in a relationship for 10 years and we were due to get married and I called off the wedding 9 months before we were due to get married. Like you said we had loads of good times together and had know each other since we were 16 but there was so much that was wrong and I knew that wasn't what I wanted in our married life.
It is hard at first but it does get easier. You some times find yourself looking back thinking maybe it would have been better to saty especialy on the bad days. You have to keep busy though - there's no other way. It's ok to get down and spend some time licking your wounds it's all part of the healing process but just don't wallow too long.
I'm now in another relationship which I've been in for the last 3 years. i kind of rushed into it to be honest and we're currently taking a break from each other. So the one thing I regret is that i didn't take time on my own after the last relationship to heal and figure out what I wanted from a relationship but I'm going to do that now.
Don't get down get active was the best advice I got. Hope that helps
I just pm'd you x [/color:4t510vs7]