Feeling really lost right now - Long sorry!

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Ash20 Posts: 49
Ok here goes, I'm sorry if this is very long winded guy's but I'm basically pouring my hear out here. I've spoken to my hubby about it of couse but as a man I don't think he gets the whole maternal thing. I posted last week asking about how other women on here are paying for their IVF, most if not all came back and siad they’ve used their house fund or their own saving to pay for it. We found out about 5 months back that IVF is our only chance at conception I was absoloutly devestated. I was only coming around from the anestethic (sp) when the consultant told me her findings. (I had to have a laprascopy) So then and there I really didn't fully understand what she was telling me. I spent the next few days recovering, feelnig very tired and teary. As the weeks and months went by I picked myself up off the floor and said OK were gonna face this head on and try and save what we can where we can in order to try IVF. We've managed to save absoloutly nothing bills just keep coming in and theres always something else that needs paying. Since the laprascopy I've had 5 yes 5 of my closest friends getting pregnant no bother to them. Although I'm over the moon naturally I'm crying inside. I get sooo down I don't talk to anyone I just want to be left alone to wallow in my own self pity….the next day I'm back to myself again chatting away to them asking how they're feeling and basically being a friend - all whilst I'm soo envious of them. I break the good news to my hubby and staight away he knows how I'm feeling, he knows I want to be left alone and leaves me to it - and then I get mad at him for doing that. Not sure if I want him to mollycoddle me or if I want him to tell me to get a grip on reality. On the other side of the fense, some days I don't want children…I swear I feel like I'm loosing my mind. I do want them then I don't then I do again. I have other friends and family telling me I'm lucky that at the weekends I can head off do what I want or head out dancing at a drop of a hat without the need for babysitters or the sleepless nights or even the smell of dirty nappies. I'm done with the wild weekends and dancing I wanna be like you, I wanna be up to my elbows in nappies I wanna get up in the middle of the night and take care of my baby I wanna be a mum. I don't care about going out and drinking and dancing I've done all that I can't do it forever. I know adopotion is another option we have looked at but I wanna carry a baby I wanna feel it kicking inside me I wanna bring the baby into the world . I know that may seem really selfish of me and there are so many unwanted children in the world crying out for a loving home but I've never warmed to the idea personally neither hass my hubby. The sight of prams and baby clothes just tugs on my heart strings then I'm back to being upset again thinkging that it's noever gonna happen we just do not and will never have the money to save or borrow. Hubby can never understand why I'm in and out of all these emotions and why I get soo upset at times. He just sees the black and white of things sometimes making me think he couldn't care less but I know deep down it's not true. He's always hid his emotions and is usually the strong one between the 2 of us. Our house is so empty and with 3 spare bedrooms it feels like the house is too big for us at times I wish someone out there would just hand me a blank cheque and say here try as many times as you wish, go on off you go don't worry about the cost. UUUGH…I never thought this would be such a hard battle to fight and day by day I'm loosing :o(
too soft Posts: 518
Hey Ash20 god im sorry to here what you are going throught,if theres something you want its always the way you see it everywhere but its not yours. Anyhow i am newlymarried but like you dyning to have kids.for some reason mother nature has not come twice (definatly not prg)so all thats on my mind is it wont happen for us and my sisters keep popping them out i have even said to myself not to spend to much time with nieces and nephews as i feel im getting to attached. Anyhow Would there be a possibility you could rent a room r 2 out for the moment while your saving it might help money wise to get the money together to get the ivf done. What about a credit union saving account?at least you could borrow easy enough, Can i ask how old you are?Maybe put some kind of timestructure in process. It will be hard but please god if theres a god it will be worth it when you have your little bundle Chin up positive thinking.
RoseDawson Posts: 1494
Oh Ash I really feel for you. :action32 You dont really give us any information about your financial situation, like are both you and hubby working or are you both out of work etc... I remember when I was thinking about getting married and I had no savings in the bank I was thinking I would never come up with 15K.... However I started a direct debit out of my account into the credit union of just like €20 a week, then after a few months when I realised I never even missed the €20 I upped it to €40 a week, this went on until I eventually learned to live without €80 a week out of my pay packet. Now I am only on a very modest wage, and I have mortgage/car/esb/oil and all the other bills on top of that. What I learned that is I spent years saying "oh sure I cant afford to save anything" but the more I saved the more I got used to saving a little at a time and I got used to living without that money in the first place if you get me. And when you see you have 1k in your credit union you will be so happy and slowly it will grow to more. I dont know what age you are, so I dont know how urgent this money may be, but my advice would be to start small and build up your savings as much as you can, you will be surprised with how much you can save. Every thing you buy for a while ask yourself do I REALLY need this or do I just want it..... That used to help me sometimes to put back that pair of shoes or new jacket that I just did not need. I really wish you all the best and hope you get your little baby one day :action31
happyfamily Posts: 3323
Have you discussed this with your/his parents or siblings? If my sister came to me i'd definitely give her an interest free loan if i was in a position to do so.
babydays Posts: 708
Hi Ash20. Sorry you're feeling so low. I know exactly how your feeling cause I've been there. It's so hard to get your head around needing ivf and then you've the added worry over the cost. I don't know what clinic etc you're with so I can't advise on that. As you can see from my signature I'm with sims so if you want any information just ask. I know it's expensive but we just broke it into smaller amounts. Deposit, scan 1, etc. That way you feel like you're getting nearer and nearer. We started saving what we thought we could afford but like another poster said we were able to increase that the next month. It's amazing what money gets wasted and where you can make savings. Keep a spending diary over the next month and put everything in it. We spent €120 a month on coffeees! It's not easy at times but you'll get there. Our cycle is paid for now and we are continuing to save cause not everyone gets lucky first time. I never look in this thread but accidentally opened it cause of I phone playing up. You might get more hints etc over on etc. Good luck and remember you're not alone.
Ash20 Posts: 49
Hi Everyone Thanks so much for the replies I really appreciate them! Just to anwer a few of the questions, Didn't occur to me to mention! I'm 27, both me and my hubby work full time…..very very little savings to work with as all our wages go on the mortgage, food shopping, bills etc etc
RoseDawson Posts: 1494
[quote="Ash20":3k735ei0]Hi Everyone Thanks so much for the replies I really appreciate them! Just to answer a few of the questions, Didn't occur to me to mention! I'm 27, both me and my hubby work full time…..very very little savings to work with as all our wages go on the mortgage, food shopping, bills etc etc[/quote:3k735ei0] Hi again Ash, I think at 27 you still have a few years and should not panic yet, just start saving a little and set up a direct debit that way you wont forget, organise the direct debit to come out of your account the day after you get paid, every time you get paid. I used to credit union because it is harder to get the money out of it (no pass card etc) and I knew the money in there was JUST for the wedding and nothing else, i was very strict on this, I never took a penny for anything else no matter how stuck i was. Think of it this way, your IVF is the most important thing to you in the world right now, so it makes sense to put a little something away for that before all else. Start your saving small, could you manage just €20 a week at the start and maybe €20 from your hubby a week, then you would have €40 and over one year that would be €2080.00. Its a start, I'm sure once you get used to saving the €20 each you could soon up it to €30 or €40 each. If you both saved €40 a week each that would be €4160.00 in a year!!! All the best, I hope it all works out for you :thnk
GucciEnvyOctober Posts: 382
I know a few people that have done IVF but they saved for it. Could you possibly put by €100 a month for the next few months and maybe see if you can borrow then from the credit union?