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Fighting neighbours - how does she stay with him?

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SteveMcQueen Posts: 466
Just been listening to my neighbours going at it hammer and tongs for the last four hours. They are in their early 30s, anyway the guy has been roaring at her for hours, I don't know him only to nod to him if I see him around but he is coming across as a real bully boy shouting her down all the time during this fight, how everything is her fault. Sounds really self-righteous, like the sort of fella who was spoilt by his mammy. Herself has been sobbing mournfully now for the last hour. This fighting seems to be a daily occurance these days. I'm just wondering why does she stay with him, it can't be much of a life fighting like dogs all the time. They have no children together, not sure if they're married though, so maybe she wants to cling onto that. Yer man comes across as a right scobe, I don't think she'd be missing much. How long more is this fight/relationship going to go on for I wonder? Why do people put up with this s.hit?
Gonetopasturesgreener Posts: 3556
There's a whole psychology behind people staying with abusive partners, which for the life of me I'll never understand. I couldn't live with that, life is too short. It's horrible and so frustrating to witness.
SteveMcQueen Posts: 466
There is no way I'd put up with anyone raising their voice to me. I had enough of that from my old man! I don't think anyone should have to put up with that. A fight or argument which gets a bit heated fair enough, but actually telling someone to "shut up", "f... off back to your mother", etc. should be knocked on the head straight away, anyone going on with that crack should be shown the gate immediately I reckon. Anyway yer man has just left now, nice as pie not a bother on him. I think she should change the locks on the door and tell this tramp to sling it.
graceface Posts: 3632
[quote="SteveMcQueen":df9peso4]There is no way I'd put up with anyone raising their voice to me. I had enough of that from my old man! I don't think anyone should have to put up with that. A fight or argument which gets a bit heated fair enough, but actually telling someone to [b:df9peso4]"shut up", "f... off back to your mother",[/b:df9peso4] etc. should be knocked on the head straight away, anyone going on with that crack should be shown the gate immediately I reckon. Anyway yer man has just left now, nice as pie not a bother on him. I think she should change the locks on the door and tell this tramp to sling it.[/quote:df9peso4] :eek :eek :eek ...is that what he's saying??? Jeez, he sounds like a right loon. TBH though, if she had any sense or grasp of reality she'd probably have left him already. She'd realise that no-one deserves to live like that. I was going to say you could make an extra effort to be nice to her, talk to her etc. to bring her out of her shell but unfortunately the fact that you're a guy probably means it would only be taken up the wrong way... and he'd probably only use it as another excuse to bully her... *sigh* It's hard, really. I guess all you can do is hope she has [i:df9peso4]someone[/i:df9peso4] around her who she can turn to. However hard it is for you, at least you're not on the receiving end ;o( :o(
whackywoman Posts: 1496
I have to say that I agree with you Steve Myself and DH fight but rarely shout at each other and normally it is over in minutes and we are back talking rather than arguing about what we were fighting about. I have found since I have been pregnant though that DH has to be put up with my moods more and Iusually end up crying which is not very fair on hiim, but I can count on my fingers the numbers of rows we have had as usually we try and talk things out before it gets to that stage. Poor girl, I would hate to be with someone like that
marleymoo Posts: 503
H2bs parents have now separated due to a lot of issues but domestic violence was involved. Reading a newspaper article the other day the subject came up betw myself and fmil. Not going into too much detail, but it took her over 20 years to leave. She said she was once like me in that its very easy to say if a man raised his hand to me id be outa there. The reality is v different. The physical abuse wont begin until the abuser has manipulated, degraded and humiliated the victim so much that they feel they are so worthless that they dont deserve the love of a good person, that the abuse is their fault or that they actually deserve it. Please God none of us will ever be in that situation but maybe this poor girl feels just like that? :o(
SteveMcQueen Posts: 466
I wonder has she booted him out, she should I reckon as she spent about four hours on saturday afternoon crying her eyes out after the things he said to her. I don't see his car around since and she has had alot of her friends around. I'd say she has had enough. The guy sounded like a total arse.
LabLady Posts: 4325
unfortunately partners can break you down over time, into a submissive self loathing parasite to them. You stay cause you love them, thinking they love you too. They love the control and break your spirit until you do everything for them and if something goes wrong no matter who's to blame, you blame yourself and apologise to them for your mistakes. (and they very well may be their mistakes not yours). Its a tough situation. The longer it goes on the harder it is.
SteveMcQueen Posts: 466
This guy got the bullet, moved out all his stuff yesterday... No more fighting coming through the walls thank god. I had to laugh when I saw him move his stupid collection of Samurai swords into his car.... :o0
LabLady Posts: 4325
thank god so!
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