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Following on from Am I being totally unreasonable? - Page 2

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ciara xx Posts: 75
You all are totally correct. I am so unhappy in this relationship. He never used to be like this. I just wish we could go back to the way we were when we started going out - before we got engaged. Thinks were so much more happier. Great sex life etc... but now I'm not even interested in it cuz of the way he treats me. He always brings that up but why would I even consider having sez with him if he treats me like this. I don't know how to get through to him just exactly how much he is hurting me. He always thinks I'm exaggerating things and tells me I'm depressed and it's all in my head. I know I may be slightly depressed but the main factor causing it is our relationship. I'm sick of fellas always having the upper hand on me cuz I'm so quiet and can't stick up for myself. I thought this was the one. The relationship were I wouldn't get treated like crap. The one relationship where I would be treated with love and respect. How wrong was I? O:| :o(
WeddingBelle2011 Posts: 503
As I said earlier Ciara, you don't have to walk out on your relationship, you said that before your engagment that things were good and you were happy. Have a long hard think, and see what has changed that has turned your relationship so sour. Perhaps you need to back off, let him stand on his own feet. You don't need to be making coffee and toast, and making dinners for his mother. He is a big boy now, maybe just stand back a bit, and that doesn't mean being cool with him. But just let him do things for himself. If you start that they become completely dependant on it, and expect it all the time. I used to do the very same thing, I would practically wipe his butt for him, but he started taking things for granted. So I took a step back and let him do it for himself, and now things are flying again. But I will tell you that all it takes is just stand up for yourself just once, completely stand your ground and he will see that you are not a pushover and he will start to respect you again. He was completely in the wrong yesterday and yet do you think he is even giving it a second thought today.. probably not. And yet here you are still quite angry over it.
micksmrs Posts: 931
Ciara, You say you cant get through to him how much this behaviour is hurting you, if you want to continue then you need him to understand what its doing to you. If you can get away or take time out and when you are enjoying a nice day together, bring it up. It's a hard thing to do but you both need to be calm and reasonable when discussing your issues so as things dont blow up again. When you are out having a lovely time together its the last thing you want to bring up but it may just hit home with him if you get your point across when he is calm and happy as opposed to up tight and tense or thinks you are having a go at him.
micksmrs Posts: 931
Ciara, You say you cant get through to him how much this behaviour is hurting you, if you want to continue then you need him to understand what its doing to you. If you can get away or take time out and when you are enjoying a nice day together, bring it up. It's a hard thing to do but you both need to be calm and reasonable when discussing your issues so as things dont blow up again. When you are out having a lovely time together its the last thing you want to bring up but it may just hit home with him if you get your point across when he is calm and happy as opposed to up tight and tense or thinks you are having a go at him.
Mrs Mia Wallace Posts: 869
[quote="designerwine":2ssnje32]Now I am sorry that he is having job problems etc BUT - that is no way to treat ANYONE. You wouldn't treat the dog like that. It sounds like he has big anger bubbling inside him, and while it is bad now, what would it be like when your children would be standing witnessing it. Reminds me of the domestic voilence ad on the telly when the kids are sitting on the stairs listening to their dad roaring. And while he might not have hit you, that behaviour is not on. He needs to sort himself out pronto before he loses the woman that loves him[/quote:2ssnje32] I was going to say EXACTLY the same thing! You wouldn't speak to a dog like that. Alarm bells are ringing all over the place here. Get out unless he gets some help for his obvious anger issues!
chicette Posts: 16
Sorry to say this but you should walk away. I had a friend in a similar situation who is married now five years and she is still miserable.
roma2011 Posts: 1208
This guy sounds like a complete ass, I wouldn't stand for that for a second. I read your post with my mouth open in shock at what he did. And after all that telling you that you need to listen to him - WTF?! He needs a wake-up call. This cannot continue with you behaving so timidly, you need to stand your ground. Point out the things you do for him, point out the things you would like him to do for you, tell him you will not tolerate one more instance of his rage. You should be appreciated and treated with respect. Tell him that if he doesn't stop taking you for granted that then you're gone. And if things don't improve then GO. Easier said than done I know, but almost all of us have been there - you will survive. You deserve better and you WILL find better.
Mrs Beasley Posts: 589
TBH Ciara, if things continue in this way I think it is only a matter of time before he does hit you, or worse. This does not sound like a safe situation to me. You don't deserve the way he is treating you, no-one does. Don't take anymore of this crap >:o(
good2go Posts: 564
You DO have control, its called walking out. As hard as it is to walk away from such a heart-breaking situation, youre soul will be destroyed if you choose to live with this behaviour for the rest of your life.
moobear Posts: 1126
Ciara we can all advise you on what to do but YOU are the person that has to do it! Just think about how you will feel in 5 years time if you marry him. Your answer is in you heart & nobody else can answer that for you. You are strong enough if you want to walk away but sometimes we need to go back before we can leave for good. We need to see what it is that we really want for ourselves. I hope that you get the strength soon to do what it is that you want to do & move on with your life