H2B is toooo laid back...& its driving me mad

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Msconfused Posts: 1
Hi Wollies, I need to vent my frustations & what better place to to it. I am getting married later this year to my partner of almost 4 years, We having being living together for 2.5 years. So to get to the point; H2B is Very laid back & just lets me do everything...i.e Wedding plans, & we are currently trying to build a house & as I work in the building industry and the site is on my land again I seem to be doing all the work. I work a very long week on top of this; approx 60 hrs including travel. I have nagged him a lot about this & he takes it on board for a short time & tries but the fact is he knows I will do it & with his laid back nature does'nt seem to mind. I can give him lists of things to do & he will start them but never finish so I have to take over or I feel it won't get done. This is really starting to bother me & I am feeling very stessed & like my head is going to explode & when I nag him I feel terrible. I don't want to be the nagging wife! Generally Him being laid back & I being slightly the opposite has worked for us....but at the moment I am feeling resentful because I feel I am not getting the equal support. Please help, what should I do? I have tried at lenght to discuss this with him, but like all men he listens or pretends to but then just hopes it goes away.
dita Posts: 960
best advise print the above off and give it to him always best to see it in writing than just to hear it from you.... What you have written is blunt and too the point so might hit home... know what you mean though I've been there
bullbride Posts: 423
oh i know exactly how you feel O:| and how we deal with it is, i give him one thing to do at a time... give him a week or 2 to finish it... and then give him the next thing, its worked for us... but i explained how i was feeling about it all first so maybe print off your message like dita suggested.. men just can't do 2 things at once.... :o0
goldie. Posts: 1233
Oh I know exactly how you feel. Laid back people just cannot understand how it feels to be stressed. My h2b is exactly the same. All I can say is try tears. Failing that get back to your list but only put things on it that are not really important. Like make him do the weekly shop- you can always stop in the local siopa on the way home if needs be but if he does it, it would be a weight off you. I now make my h2b clean the house every second weekend (It has taken 5 years to get to this stage!). I just leave the house until he has it done cos if was there I would end up doing it. If you find a solution yourself pass it on.
bullbride Posts: 423
Seen this today and thought of you, might print it off and give to H2b :o0 :o0 1.) Fine : This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up. 2.) Five Minutes : If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house. 3.) Nothing : This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine. 4.) Go Ahead : This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It! 5.) Loud Sigh : This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of nothing.) 6.) That's Okay : This is one of the most dangerous statements a woman can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake. 7.) Thanks : A woman is thanking you, do not question, or Faint. Just say you're welcome. 8.) Whatever : Is a women's way of saying F@!K <mailto:F@!K> <mailto:F@!K> YOU! 9.) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to #3.Then you RUN!
MrsWhippy09 Posts: 2346
:o0 :o0 That is sooo true! I don't mean to offend any men on WOL but unfortunately, they can't multi-task like us wonderful creatures >:o) and when you want something to be done, you have to tell them exactly what you need done but break them in gently so to speak. Give him small tasks at first and when he does these start him on the bigger things. Sit down with your h2b and let him know how stressed and under pressure you are feeling (a few tears might help) and write down a list of things that need to be done and give him one task at a time like goldie said. It might be an idea if you look after the wedding prep and he looks after the build so that you both have an equal amount and so neither of you feel like you're doing everything. I hope this makes sense.. I think we all know how you're feeling so you're not alone.. :xox
bubbles09 Posts: 327
hi ms confused kinda know what you are going through ....we are also building our own house as well as planning a wedding ... house is a major headache, i'm lucky enough that himself puts so much time into the house, even though there have been plenty of times i've had to push push push him to ring workers / order materials /check site etc wedding has been left completely up to me .... which suits me fine to be honest! :wv he shows some interest in it, but all the same .... you will get through it and it will all be worth it when you have a beautiful new house and a great wedding :lvs