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Help! Advice please! fight with OH.

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anon432 Posts: 4
Hi girls, Feeling very down today, as had a fight w OH last night and we're not talking now. He's gone off up the country to visit friends for the night (well, i'm only assuming thats where he's gone, as he left without saying anything, but that was the plan yesterday, - when we were talking) We seem to be fighting more and more. And by that, I mean a fight every 3-4 weeks. This is a big increase on when we first started going out and when we were first married (almost 2 years now). I can never remember fighting this often. I hate fighting. It really upsets me. Now, in fairness, the last fight was entirely provoked ny me and my pms hormones :-8 , but last nights came out of nowhere and he verbally attacked me for no reason. We had been getting on grand. He asked would it be ok w me if he went to the pub with his friend for the match yesterday. I said no probs, as i wanted to clean the house and having him of the way would make it easier for me! , i even offered to drop and collect him. I don't mind in the least him goin to the pub for a match with a friend. I meet my friends for a few evenings a week, and he never has a prob with it, so fair is fair. Anyway, i Collected him from the pub at 7ish, had dinner ready when he got home, relaxed and enjoyed a lovely dinner and a glass of wine, and then went on my laptop when he was watching some soccer show. Then, out of nowhere, he starts going on about how much time i spend on the laptop every day and how i'm addicted to it, and how i couldn't go a day without it...At first i was laughing and saying i know ya, (now in fairness, i do a fair bit of work on the laptop, but would be distracted by WOL or facebook, or daft or whatever....I suppose i spend about 2 hours most days on it)...He started to get really nasty (which he NEVER has before) and before i know it, we're shouting at each other and he's accusing me of being stubborn, and i can't rem how it got to it, but i said something along the lines of 'if you have such a problem with me being sooooo stubborn,then why the hell did you marry me?' and he answered something like 'if i had known what you were really like, i wouldn't have' :eek :eek :eek Now, obviously, i got very upset at this, and cue me crying and calling him an assh*le (which i have never done before, we never call each other nasty names), and i told him to f*ck off out of the house if i am such a horrible person, seeing as the house is in my name and im the one paying the mortgage and bills. (he's out of work at the mo), and said something along the lines of 'you're nothing but a financial strain on me. I was doing fine without you before you came into my life)....*cringe* oh god , how could i have said that? Oh God, even typing this, i feel sick. I can't believe it got so out of hand....I flounced out of the room and told him to get out of 'my' house, and went to bed. Locked the bedroom door and all, so he had to sleep in the spare room.he didn't even try to come into our bedroom. He got up and showered and left this morning and there's been no contact all day. I feel sick. I can't believe we said such horrible things. We have NEVER had a fight like this before.. Oh girls...is this normal? does everyone have fights like this? Or do I have a bigger problem in my marriage??? any advice would be greatly appreciated. xxx
SandyClaws Posts: 3108
[quote="anon432":34twgamr] i told him to f*ck off out of the house if i am such a horrible person, seeing as the house is in my name and im the one paying the mortgage and bills. (he's out of work at the mo), and said something along the lines of 'you're nothing but a financial strain on me. I was doing fine without you before you came into my life)....*cringe* oh god , how could i have said that?[/quote:34twgamr] i didnt want to read and not reply- i think this is probably what has hit a big nerve with him. he may have already been feeling inadequate for this reason himself, maybe this is why he got angry in the first place... i have no real advice to offer, i just hope he comes home/makes contact soon and ye can work on it
lolabelle Posts: 3311
I have to agree with what PrincessGoat said. Men are terrible at coming to the point when there is something bothering them and I'm sure that you pointing out what he probably feels himself hit a nerve with him. The best thing you can do is sit down and talk about it. Send him a text and tell him you are sorry and that you love him. At least he'll know you want to talk things through. Hope this helps. :wv
happieout Posts: 3111
I think you need to get on the phone pronto instead of writing your troubles here. You hit below the belt with the money comments and financial strain. Having said that we can all let fly in the heat of the moment, but you'll have a lot of making up to do to get back from that comment. Also, locking your door? I would never do that unless I was afraid of someone. And once you got married it's not "your" house - it's not fair to say that no matter how annoyed you are. I think the sooner you talk the better and then move on.
Bazinga T McBinkers Posts: 4718
I would text/ring him now, and tell him you are sorry. Both of ye's are in the wrong but it sounds like he feels inadequate and your comment would have really dented his male pride. He isn't at home so you need to make the first move. I'm sure he feels just as bad about the argument but he is also pretty hurt I'd say. Don't let it drag on too long - do it now! Hopefully it will work out :action32 :action32
skitchums Posts: 1283
I agree with the girls, even send him a text if you haven't already and say you said some things in the heat of the moment that you really didn't mean. We all do it. You're not alone at all. Popel say horrible things to the people they love the most, lashing out. Just last week I got so pissed off with my OH cos he made some comment about me sitting watching tv while he counted up change we had saved up in jars. At the end of it he started having a go saying I could have helped instead of sitting watching crap on tv! This was at 9pm, I was only in from work and he was off all day. So I ended up taking my anger out on a plant, tore the head off it and threw it on the ground :o0 The poor plant :-8 Anyway, don;t stress just try talk to him sooner rather than later, you don't want to go to bed again tonight with this on your mind.x
too soft Posts: 518
ah gamlina the poor plsnt how could you! op i hope things are abit better now will you let us know how you get on. i know you prob know,but you were probarly a little hard on him,hope all good nowx
skitchums Posts: 1283
[quote="too soft":1pl2zl0c]ah gamlina the poor plsnt how could you! op i hope things are abit better now will you let us know how you get on. i know you prob know,but you were probarly a little hard on him,hope all good nowx[/quote:1pl2zl0c] I know, I did apologise to it afterwards though *)
SookieStackhouse Posts: 3135
You can't underestimate the pressure unemployment can put on a relationship. I think you both said things in the heat of the moment that neither of you should take to heart. You obv don't see him as a burden and I'd be he's regretting his comments too. My DH is out of work for the last 2 yrs, and the strain it puts on you is huge. We're def rowing a lot more now, not just because of finances but the fact we're spending ALL our time together isn't helping either. Unemployment can really affect a man, and i'm sure you DH is feeling down and less of a man. The thing you have to do now is talk about, because if you ignore it it'll just come out again in another few weeks. he prob is unhappy with his life at the moment, that doesn't mean he's unhappy with you.
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