When parents seperate, how soon do you think either parent should wait before they introduce their "new" partner to their children.
That is a personal choice because what it the right time frame for you may not be for someone else. I remember when I was dating my now husband I waited about 4 months before I decided it was time to meet my darling son. I was also aware that my son may not like this person and I would have to take it all onboard. My advice is don't rush it.
I guess it's down to what you think is right. It's like saying how long is a piece of string, everybody's circumstances are different.
I know a girl (kinda friend) who has put her 8 year old through a succession of different men over the past 3 years. One moves in, another moves out, as they all seem to spend most of their time there once she meets them. She'd meet them on a Friday night, bring them home and they might stay for a week. It's desperate. She's ruined a perfectly good and well behaved child. Who has now seen a clatter of men go in and out her mothers door and bed. They live in a small flat, hard to hide it. Inevitably these relationships fizzle out after a couple of weeks, and the child sees her mother sitting crying over it. What's it doing to her?
We tried to tell her to wait a few weeks at the very least, but she's just one who can't be told. Mr. Jawl reckons it's not a healthy way for her daughter to be raised, and not being all moral, but imagine when this kid hits her teens. And wants to bring men home?? How can her mother say no, when that's all she did when she was growing up?
Very sad for the kids. And I always think if my friend had just waited til she was ready and knew it was actually going somewhere a few weeks down the line, then it wouldnt have been so hard for the child. But I'm sure you are being very sensible about it. I think you'll know yourself when the time is right. Good luck with it
A friend of mine started going out with a guy who had kids with someone else and they (new bf and his ex partner) had agreed to wait a year before introducing to the kids. I think it depends on how serious the new relationship is and how old the child(ren) in question is. Personally I'd wait til I knew I was sure about someone (as sure as you can be) before I'd make the new person a regular fixture in a childs life. Whatever about saying "this is mams friend x" and the person not impacting on the childs life but I'd introduce them gradually and would base alot on the childs reaction and judge from that. Yes a parent has a right to a romantic life too but for me, the impact on the child is the most important thing.
I also think the how is more important than the when.
The when is more or less taken care of by asking yourself when are you at the stage that this is not just another "potential" and has moved to something more serious.
The how is vital. When I first met my stepson it was at a family occasion with lots of friends and family there and I was just another person in the mix. His dad spent most of that day playing with his son and little attention was focused on me. The next couple of meetings were similar and it was eventually my stepson who told us it was silly that I was staying in B&B's when I visited when DH has a perfectly big bed enough for two. Very cute and embarrassing for us :-)
I guess it also depends on the age of the child.
I think I was going out with h2b about 6 months when he introduced me to his daughter. He had spilt from his ex about 2 years previously. She was only 4 at the time so I suppose the age of the child changes things too.