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Hubby to be past - Page 2

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The PDQ Posts: 954
I think swinging is a life style choice, one which is very hard to give up, therefore I think her H2B should have told her from earlier on in the relationship that he was into it, I would find it hard to believe that he will never want to do it again.
Cappuccino Posts: 124
Yeah I agree, swinging is a lifestyle choice and it really is different to an open relationship! In an open relationship, you date other people - on your own. It's dating and maybe more, and there are feelings involved. Swinging is something you do with your partner, and it's for sex only. If it was just an open rel. I'd say fair enough, I wouldn't see the problem with holding off until now before telling you. But swinging is a different matter...... Make full sure that he's not missing that lifestyle and expecting you to partake.
oharetobe Posts: 367
I'm sorry but I don't understand the problem either. It was in the past, let it remain there! If he was in an open relationship and both of them agreed to what they were doing then HOW is this effecting YOUR relationship?!?!? Has he asked you to be in an open relationship?!?!? Me and my H2B have had different partners in the past before we met but we are completely with eachother and no other NOW! That's all that matters. Why get upset about something that has never happened between the two of you. I don't get it! I could see it if he was asking you but he wasn't.
papillon Posts: 1305
[quote="oharetobe":13b159js]I'm sorry but I don't understand the problem either. It was in the past, let it remain there! If he was in an open relationship and both of them agreed to what they were doing then HOW is this effecting YOUR relationship?!?!? Has he asked you to be in an open relationship?!?!? Me and my H2B have had different partners in the past before we met but we are completely with eachother and no other NOW! That's all that matters. Why get upset about something that has never happened between the two of you. I don't get it! I could see it if he was asking you but he wasn't.[/quote:13b159js] Yeah but read on. She misunderstood the term. He was in a swinging relationship not an open one.
AnthonyHutton Posts: 2235
are you sure she didnt think that an open relationship was a swinging relationship? perhaps she need to get the story 100% straight with him the poor bastard might be going through all of this because the OP dosent know her terminology anyway... is he asking you to swing/have an open relationship? if not, you must have an absolutely spotless back story if theres nothing you wouldnt like aired with the guy whats going to happen the next time something happens that he should be explaining to you... his ex texted him, he scraped the car, he maxed out his credit card i'll tell you what, he'll be keeping it to himself because of your track record of overeating
oharetobe Posts: 367
[quote="papillon":1gblmk0q][quote="oharetobe":1gblmk0q]I'm sorry but I don't understand the problem either. It was in the past, let it remain there! If he was in an open relationship and both of them agreed to what they were doing then HOW is this effecting YOUR relationship?!?!? Has he asked you to be in an open relationship?!?!? Me and my H2B have had different partners in the past before we met but we are completely with eachother and no other NOW! That's all that matters. Why get upset about something that has never happened between the two of you. I don't get it! I could see it if he was asking you but he wasn't.[/quote:1gblmk0q] Yeah but read on. She misunderstood the term. He was in a swinging relationship not an open one.[/quote:1gblmk0q] Papillon - again I say, what's it got to do with THEIR relationship!?!? No where in her post has she said, he wants her to swing or that he is still swinging!! Just that he did it in the past with a consentual partner!
papillon Posts: 1305
[quote:1q7srf77][quote="oharetobe":1q7srf77] Yeah but read on. She misunderstood the term. He was in a swinging relationship not an open one.[/quote:1q7srf77] Papillon - again I say, what's it got to do with THEIR relationship!?!? No where in her post has she said, he wants her to swing or that he is still swinging!! Just that he did it in the past with a consentual partner! [/quote:1q7srf77][/quote] My advice does not change from my earlier post (ie she needs to decide if this changes how she feels about him and if it doesn't she needs to move on and never bring it up again) To be quite honest I'd be much more upset about swinging than an open relationship. Maybe it's just me but the image of a swinging couple to me is very sexually permissive. Obviously you're very open minded about you and your oh's past and I applaud you for that but you should not attack me because you would be more tolerant. Not everyone is like you and I could only respond on the basis of how I would feel if it happened to me. it's all fine and dandy to say that you don't want to know about your oh's past but if you heard from your OH's mates that he was a swinger wouldn't you be a bit put out?
scotswedding Posts: 2829
[quote="oharetobe":ipnaf7dz] again I say, what's it got to do with THEIR relationship!?!? No where in her post has she said, he wants her to swing or that he is still swinging!! Just that he did it in the past with a consentual partner![/quote:ipnaf7dz] I think it's relevant. I don't think swinging is just one of those things you decide on trying once. From the OP's posts it seems like it was a lifestyle choice for them (happened regularly). A person's sexual appetite/preferences from their past is relevant in their current relationship. I find it surprising that someone would think otherwise...
littlemisshopeful Posts: 6101
I think some of these posts are a little disrespectful to our poor friend here. Ye are speaking of her and not to her and ye are beginning to debate/fight about what advice to give her, instead of addressing her and supporting her. Don't mean to sound overly judgemental, but it just strikes me a bit and makes me sad for this girl.
oharetobe Posts: 367
Okay firstly, my first post was directed at the OP, I was asking her if her H2B has asked her to be a swinger, making the situation completely different, cause then I can see her having a problem. Papillion, not once did I attack you, I simple responded to you. I don't see why she's upset and I sat down with my H2b and both of us shared our pasts, neither let me tell you are choir boys or girls, however it's got nothing to do with me what he did in a past relationship (besides the obvious, rape murder). Scots - The one thing that fails in the post is that her H2B hasn't asked her to be a swinger, I think it's jumping to conclusions to assume that he still is a swinger which is unfair. I'm basing my opinions on what the OP has written. If she comes back and says that he is still swinging and wants her too, then by all means she has a reason to be P*ssed and HE should sleep in the spare room!!!!