Menu

Husband not affectionate enough or am i being paranoid?

We've Moved!

Our wonderful discussion forums have now moved to Facebook...

Click to join us in our HIGM ("Help I'm Getting Married") group!

poppy1 Posts: 596
We have been together a long time and have recently had a LO. But i feel my hubbie isnt affectionate enough. I get a kiss when he leaves for work and a kiss when he comes home, thats it!!!!!! I keep telling him i love hugs and kissed but nothing has changed and its really beginning to upset me. I always initiate things in the bedroom and (once/twice a month if we're lucky). When we're out he'd never put his arm around me or hold my hand or anything like that. Last nite i was showing him something on the computer and he said "you pong of garlic stop breathing on me" That was it i lost the rag and went to bed. I know he's not havin an affair as hes always straight home from work and plays football once a wk and the rest of the time he's at home. He says he loves me. My body was back to normal a month after baby so it cant be that. Am i being paranoid or should i talk to him and if so how do i go about it without causing an argument. PS i cant complain about him in any other respect as he is really good around the house and does his fair share, but id just love if he was a bit more affectionate......... thanks
papillon Posts: 1305
Ok well my first question is did he used to be affectionate and has stopped? My OH is not affectionate at all. We don't do the kiss in the morning/evening. I do initiate nearly everything but that's the way it's been for 10 years and it aint changing. he shows me in other ways how he feels about me. (Funny for some reason he always kisses me when he heads off to play his gigs, wonder what that means :o0 )
poppy1 Posts: 596
yep forgot to put that in, he has never been overly affectionate but why is it only now upsetting me so much!!!! like last wk we went to pick up a take away (without baby) and said we'd sit down while we waited. i sat on an inside chair presuming he'd sit on the ouside one and he sat at the table right beside mine so we'd both be facing out and watchin everyone!!!! hello that bugged me, maybe i just have baby hormones that are driving me potty.............
papillon Posts: 1305
Well one thing is for sure, you can't change the habits of a lifetime. You could be acting a little funny due to some kind of vulnerability you feel after having the baby. He probably hasn't changed at all but maybe your confidence has been knocked a little. The seat thing would bother me if ye were sitting down for a meal as it looks daft but if ye're both just waiting together then sitting both facing out is normal enough. If it is bothering you this much though it might be no harm to say that you feel a bit unappreciated in the relationship these past few months and that you would like to do something romantic just the two of you. Funny it they only knew how little it takes to please us, the occasional unsolicited kiss or cuddle. I feel your pain!
MrsTiredbride Posts: 3397
My h2b isn't really affectionate at all at all - it's just not his thing, it used to wind me up a bit but I always knew he was this way so I have to respect that.
angel1978 Posts: 1154
I think its 100% your hormones after having a baby. I have 2 and after each pregnancy i felt the same. Things that never bothered me began to bother me. All his little bad habits, to me became big bad habits and im sure i nagged a lot more, still do for that matter :o0 but the one thing that always sticks out in my mind is how i felt regarding our closeness. I was always very confident before babies, great figure even if i do say so myself, really looked after myself but after baby even though i went back down to my original weight i began to doubt everything. If he didnt say the right thing, if he gave me a kiss too quick on the way out the door i thought it was because i was not attractive anymore. If he held my hand walking down the road and then let go for a min i thought it was because he was ashamed of me. It really was hard to deal with because looking back things were always like that but my hormones made me feel this way. It does get easier and within about 9 mths your hormones should return to normal. The best bit of advice i can give you especially with a young baby is talk talk talk. Tell your OH how you are feeling, even if he doesnt understand at least he will know where your head is at right now.
papillon Posts: 1305
great advice angel1978 O:o)
1