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goblyn Posts: 796
[quote="Sandie":10mr46bj]I should probably say that basically what happened was we were having words about a conversation we had recently and he got annoyed and jumped up to put on his jacket and whatever happened way he put it on his fist had hit me so i slapped him on the back and he slapped me 'round the face. I feel a bit silly now because as i'm writing that i don't know if it's a big deal or not? [b:10mr46bj]But then he went into a rage for about 40mins and punched a hole in the wall[/b:10mr46bj].[/quote:10mr46bj] My dad was like that when I was very small, when he was angry he would take it out on the furniture, we had every door in the house replaced several times from him punching holes through them. But when I got older he ran out of doors and he started using his fists on me, I havn't spoken to him in 10 years. Remember angry people are alway angry its their personality, its the way they react to other people. I would would be very careful about continuing a relationship like that.
Shin Posts: 8515
[quote="lets go fly a kite":1wgr13ds][quote="SORR":1wgr13ds][quote="lets go fly a kite":1wgr13ds][quote="SORR":1wgr13ds]We were told in our pre-marriage course that the ONLY time you should WALK away from a relationship is when there is VIOLENCE from a partner. [b:1wgr13ds]THEY DONT CHANGE... [/b:1wgr13ds] They might refrain for a period of time to gain back your trust, but it WILL happen again... (could be a week, a month or a year) Sometimes it starts off as something simple like a slap across the face but each time it happens it gets progressively worse My advise is [b:1wgr13ds]GET OUT[/b:1wgr13ds] of the relationship now... if you don't and he hits you again you will find it harder to leave it..[/quote:1wgr13ds] Life isn't as black and white as scenarios laid out in counselling courses, or TV, or women's magazines....[/quote:1wgr13ds] Don't mean to be funny but my mother went through violence. This is how it started - a slap across the face in their first week of marriage!!! It took a year and a half before he was violent again and it was always an apology and begging for forgiveness. (and there were periods of up to two years of non-violence.) It got worse and worse as the years went on). She found it hard to leave him over the years. My Dad then hit me for the 1st time ever when I was 16. I went to the guards... and I don't speak to him now... neither does my mother. We have a barring order and it was the best thing we ever done to WALK away.. But we didn't WALK away from our home- he had to leave... As I said, we were told in our pre-marriage course that the ONLY time you should WALK away from a relationship is when there is VIOLENCE from a partner. [b:1wgr13ds]THEY DONT CHANGE... [/b:1wgr13ds] They have cases the whole time of couples coming for help and they see what's happening.[/quote:1wgr13ds] I'm sorry you had such a horrible experience but you're making sweeping generalisations and I don't agree that all situations are identical.[/quote:1wgr13ds] But there's no other way then to be 'general' about it LGFAK. The patterns are usually identical. I have to be honest, i'm baffled by people who instantaneously say "no kick him out". I can almost gaurantee that that number would be less than half if people had experienced it themselves firsthand. Two years ago i would have said the same thing, But two years later......i didn't go, i didn't end it, i came back for more. I had swellings on my face and arms and was beaten badly. I NEVER thought i would end up in a situation like that, ever. But i did. now?? well now it's changed the way i view relationships and domestic violence. Noone has the right to raise their hand, invade the personal space of another human being and i've zero sympathy for the people who do it. But it took me a violent relationship to form that opinion so my point is, never say what you WOULD or WOULDN'T do, walk in the shoes first.
penelope pit stop Posts: 6
go go go go go ! just because he never did it before doesnt mean it was a one off, if he raised his hand to you once he'll do it again!!!! the trust is gone !! if it was me i would walk out the door without a second thought !!!!! take care hun i hope you make the right choice for you and your future happiness !!!!
milis Posts: 7998
For me a lot of other factors would have to be considered before I'd leave. After we're married I would find it harder to leave. I would always be willing to give someone a [u:2awbfh87]second[/u:2awbfh87] chance (no more). I've done things in the past that I didn't mean too, and that I wouldn't consider to be in character for me. I would hate for anyone to judge me solely on these and discount everything else they know about me.
lets go fly a kite Posts: 2388
[quote="Sandie":3p453ug4]Graceface, I know, it's completely different. He said he just snapped. My face is still sore. Mrs. Slightly bonkers, after his 40mins or so of flipping he sat sown with me, crying and apologising, trying to hug me and tryin to assure me that it'd never happen again and he said he couldn't believe what he had done, he said he's giving up drinking and will understand if i want him to go but he doesn't want us to split up.[/quote:3p453ug4] That's much more serious than I thought it might be. The 40 minute rant would trouble me just as much I think. I've never been convinced that someone who wasn't under s[u:3p453ug4]evere[/u:3p453ug4] psychological stress could lose control of themselves enough to go on like that. I think it was meant to frighten and intimidate you, maybe to make you think that you 'got off' lightly. I'd at the very minimum kick him out for a while and make him prove he was serious about giving up alcohol.
lets go fly a kite Posts: 2388
[quote="Shin":4ewf16vg][quote="lets go fly a kite":4ewf16vg][quote="SORR":4ewf16vg][quote="lets go fly a kite":4ewf16vg][quote="SORR":4ewf16vg]We were told in our pre-marriage course that the ONLY time you should WALK away from a relationship is when there is VIOLENCE from a partner. [b:4ewf16vg]THEY DONT CHANGE... [/b:4ewf16vg] They might refrain for a period of time to gain back your trust, but it WILL happen again... (could be a week, a month or a year) Sometimes it starts off as something simple like a slap across the face but each time it happens it gets progressively worse My advise is [b:4ewf16vg]GET OUT[/b:4ewf16vg] of the relationship now... if you don't and he hits you again you will find it harder to leave it..[/quote:4ewf16vg] Life isn't as black and white as scenarios laid out in counselling courses, or TV, or women's magazines....[/quote:4ewf16vg] Don't mean to be funny but my mother went through violence. This is how it started - a slap across the face in their first week of marriage!!! It took a year and a half before he was violent again and it was always an apology and begging for forgiveness. (and there were periods of up to two years of non-violence.) It got worse and worse as the years went on). She found it hard to leave him over the years. My Dad then hit me for the 1st time ever when I was 16. I went to the guards... and I don't speak to him now... neither does my mother. We have a barring order and it was the best thing we ever done to WALK away.. But we didn't WALK away from our home- he had to leave... As I said, we were told in our pre-marriage course that the ONLY time you should WALK away from a relationship is when there is VIOLENCE from a partner. [b:4ewf16vg]THEY DONT CHANGE... [/b:4ewf16vg] They have cases the whole time of couples coming for help and they see what's happening.[/quote:4ewf16vg] I'm sorry you had such a horrible experience but you're making sweeping generalisations and I don't agree that all situations are identical.[/quote:4ewf16vg] But there's no other way then to be 'general' about it LGFAK. The patterns are usually identical. I have to be honest, i'm baffled by people who instantaneously say "no kick him out". I can almost gaurantee that that number would be less than half if people had experienced it themselves firsthand. Two years ago i would have said the same thing, But two years later......i didn't go, i didn't end it, i came back for more. I had swellings on my face and arms and was beaten badly. I NEVER thought i would end up in a situation like that, ever. But i did. now?? well now it's changed the way i view relationships and domestic violence. Noone has the right to raise their hand, invade the personal space of another human being and i've zero sympathy for the people who do it. But it took me a violent relationship to form that opinion so my point is, never say what you WOULD or WOULDN'T do, walk in the shoes first.[/quote:4ewf16vg] Mother of God! You're an expert on domestic abuse now? Even if you've experienced it first hand doesn't mean you are. Where is the point in all of that? [quote="Shin":4ewf16vg] my point is, never say what you WOULD or WOULDN'T do, walk in the shoes first.[/quote:4ewf16vg] If everyone took that piece of 'wisdom' on board nobody would ever give advice again. The question the OP posed is "If he hit you... what would you do?" Should we refuse to answer until we've been battered?
newyear09wife Posts: 899
Sndie Im so sorry about what has hapened to you but I think the sea of very well meaning advice has probably not helped you an awful lot... I honestly feel that there is no place for violence in any relationship. if you stay ask yourself these questions...: 1. if a slap is not enough to make you leave will another one ? 2. can you trust him not to do it again? 3. will you resist the urge to use the fact he hit you as ammunition agasint him again? and most importantly...................... 4. what if ye are blessed with kids?do you trust him not to have a one off inceident with them. if the answer to any of these is NO then you need to leave him.. I wish you the very best of luck whatevr decision you make.
CoraCora Posts: 170
take another perpsective..suppose he had slept with another woman, would you say, he won't do it again/he was drunk/he's sorry for what he did.. for me it's an issue of trust and if there is no trust in a relationship why bother. will you be spending your time trying not to make him angry??If so, life is going to be very hard for you
D Momma Posts: 1101
god i hope nobody knows me for saying this but I wouls kick seven shades of sh1te out of him, and then some. A fella hit me in the face years ago and I went wild like an animal and I always vowed if it happened I would give as good as i got. if not why not
Sandie Posts: 91
Thanks so much for all your replies girls. It has really helped me to be able to kind of talk things over. He's sleeping in the other bedroom and making alot of effort but i honestly don't know where things are going. Before marriage i think it would of been so easy to walk. I'm just still so undecided though but thanks again for listening. :thnk