Is he the one?? - Page 2

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LM24 Posts: 932
I was going out with 2 years with someone like this who was thoughtful and kind but the physical side wasnt great. He was my best friend, my first serious boyfriend and it took me a while to figure out that it wasn't enough. When I met my H2B 3 months after breaking up with me, it confirmed it for me. I am so glad I broke up with him as it wasn't right and I've found a relationship that I dont question at all and that I know is right for me. Good luck with figuring it out, don't be tempted to get back together just because he's nice, you obviously need more than that, otherwise you wouldnt have felt like there was something missing whilst being with him.
scotswedding Posts: 2829
I think if you feel in your heart that it's not right that you don't need to ask us whether or not it is... I do think that friendship and companionship are the most important things in any relationship as they're the things that count when you're old and grey and not fit for the physical side of things. Sex is a small part of things unless a lack of it is causing problems for the couple in which case it becomes a massive part of it. Is this the only reason you felt things didn't work out or is it perhaps the only thing you can put your finger on? Did he have a problem with how frequently you dtd? Do you normally have a low sex drive or was it just with him? How do you feel it is since you broke up (regardless of not being with anyone else but just in general)? You made a brave decision to walk away from him because you felt thins weren't right.. I'm presuming from what you've said that it's not a decision you made lightly. Too many people stay with their partners when things are much worse than you say they were because they're afraid of being on their own/ starting over/ being talked about amongst other things. You've hit a little bump on the road where possibly you're a little emotional with your hospital visit and his attention & sweetness has struck you. Perhaps if you had other people fussing around you at the time it wouldn't have meant so much...? Also the fact that you've said you haven't been with anyone since could also be a factor?
JuliaItaly Posts: 922
[quote="scotswedding"]I think if you feel in your heart that it's not right that you don't need to ask us whether or not it is... I agree with this. This may sound soppy but what do you feel when you look at him? People look at relationships so differently and only you can tell. The friendship being a big deal means more to some, the sex part being a big deal means more to others. At the end of the day, only you can decide what's right but starting with your heart is a good way to figure that out... I'm not much help to you but I hope you work it out. :xox
LAdancer Posts: 445
I think you have to really think about it and ask yourself are you IN love with him. I think if you truly love someone you know that no matter what its meant to be, or maybe I'm just a soppy moo haha. Don't feel bad if your not IN love with him, you can still be friends. I think that although my relationships isn't always perfect, I know that after nearly 8 years I still get butterflies with H2B and I can tell him anything, he is my best friend and I still fancy him like mad so I think a relationship needs a combination of things. Maybe you just need a break from him to get your head sorted out and decide what you want chick good luck xxx
marianf Posts: 5845
In my humble opinion he isn't the one for you. He might make you happy and all the rest but he isn't 'the one' and its up to you whether you settle for that or search farther afield. I was with a guy for a few years and we split up rather suddenly. I was heart broken and thought I would never find true love again. We went through a couple of phases of texting each other etc etc which made it all the harder to move on. Anyway, a few years later I met my h2b and it was only then that I realised that I didnt have to settle for someone. I loved my ex with all my heart at the time but there were things he did that drove me mad but I put up with them because I thought thats what you have to do in a relationship. I love everything about my h2b and I don't have to compromise. I am not saying that he doesn't drive me mad sometimes but just that the big things are great and we are both on the same page. I think if the physical side of your relationship isn't right then thats something that is too big to ignore. As they say 'if he is for you, he wouldn't go by you'. Thats a long term thing though so get out and enjoy yourself >:o) >:o)
CestMoi Posts: 2162
I think a lot of these comments are very true, and as scotswedding said if you know in your heart that something isn't right then you've made the right decision. But if it is just the sex part that you ended it for then you can fix that. I went through this and had it fixed, it was just down to in-experience on both our parts. He had to make more effort to do what I enjoyed, I had to figure out stuff too - it turned out great in the end. Then again, it might not be just this and that's what you need to ask yourself.
littlemisshopeful Posts: 6101
Had you slept with other BFs before him and if so, how were things with them? The sex end may not reflect your relationship or if you're meant to be together. Sex can be affected by your own emotional tuning, your diet, your hormones, your state of mind etc. A fire doesn't exactly rip through me during sex all the time, but it is always special because of the love within it. I don't not enjoy it even if it's not the most important thing for either of us. You can only know what to do though. Good luck.
t2c2011 Posts: 180
we are sexual beings. am not saying you have to be jumping off wardrobes but it is a v important part of a relationship
she Posts: 3298
You know that song" you don't know what you've got till it's gone"........maybe your feeling abit like that. He sounds like a fab fella, but there need to be some passion involved, otherwise you'll be like Brother and Sister........ Just my opinion :wv
newstart09 Posts: 20
Hi guys Thought I better log in to give you an update. I continued to feel a bit confused, not knowing what I want etc. I got bad news from my hospital appointment with the news being that I will not be able to conceive a baby :o( He was the first person I wanted to talk to, he was great sent me big bunch flowers etc..and was really supportive. He asked me to go out to dinner on sat night which I did, and we got on great. We had a big chat about the sex issue and I told him how I felt, I thought he'd be a typical man and huff but he said he wished I had talked to him sooner because it was something we could work on :-8 Don't really know what is happening with us now, we haven't decided to get back together but it's something that may be on the cards..what do you's think??