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Marriage-does it scare you?

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im waiting Posts: 2727
Ive just recently got engaged, but marriage scares the living day lights out of me. Or maybe its just all in my head. I went out with a guy for years, the thought of getting married to him ( or anyone ) scared me, it didnt even pop into my mind or it wasnt something i ever day dreamed about, like most girls. When ive told people about this, they thought i was strange and would say how they dreamt of their wedding day since they were little girls. I find that very strange and kind of freaky!! But anyway, the other reasons would be, its all so official which is good in some ways but probably the bit that scares me most is, what if it doesnt work out? It gets so messy afterwards, custody, who gets the house, contents, who pays the mortgage etc. Another is , a friends husband cheated on her less than 2 months after their wedding and wanted to pursue it until the girl put a stop to it and told my friend all about it, otherwise she would never have known. What if my other half does something like to me, it would rip me apart!!! My other half is great and has always said he would never do it me, but theirs always that niggling feeling say "never say never" I suppose im just better thinking of it as a continuation of our relationship but realistically it is no different when your married your just gets all legal etc Does any of you feel the same as me? Or am I just a bit crazy. Im with my other half a few yrs now and we have a little one and he is great to me and I do love him and cant wait to have more children with him but as I said marriage freaks me out.. Maybe i need counselling (ha ha)
whackywoman Posts: 1496
marriage still scares me and I have been married over two years!!! that may sound strange but I am totally in love with my DH and he is totally in love with me, but I do still find the whole prospect of forever and ever scary. For me my way of dealing with it is knowing that DH and I love each other and will work at keeping this marriage working especially now we have a little girl who has cemented our relationship. You can never know what life will bring and no-one is ever 100% guaranteed about anything apart from eventually we all die (don't mean to sound morbid) so you have no idea if someone is definitely not going to have an affair in the future. I think most people have doubts about getting married but you need to talk to your H2B about these doubts or a very close friend to make sure that it is just not nerves etc rather than real issues. hope this helps a bit
Bunnybaby Posts: 2701
Nope its not just you, its scary business this marriage thing....like you i was never one to be dreaming of geting married since i was little ,,,,and ask any of my friends according to me a couple of years back never in my wildest dreams was i ever ever going to get married and look at me now im in my glory organising every little detail but in saying that when i sometimes think my god this is it now im getting maried,,,,,does he love me, do i really love him..how do i know he will never cheat on me,,,,that we will be together forever and ever ...but then i kick back into reality and i know when he looks straight into my eyes and he tells me he loves me i know he does...will he cheat on me ...i hope not or wudnt think he wud,,,you have to trust in each other and basically hope for the best and work with each other and please god we will all be happy in our little married lives, because this world like the op said has no guarantees other than the fact that we die so when we get somethign good we have to do all we can to hold on to that and if that means spending 30k on one day and telling the world and its mother that we love each other well then what the hell :o0 :wv
scotswedding Posts: 2829
Of course it is scary. As another poster said it is for forever and ever....that's pretty hard to get your head around. Too many people think of marriage as their wedding day and all that entails rather than all the trials & tribulations that follow (as well as all the good stuff of course!). I also think that perhaps too many people think that it doesn't have to be forever as of course it is possible to get out of now. It is hard work but you have to take it a day at a time and work your hardest at it. Try to switch your focus to the good stuff, the fact it's just a continuation of how you are now. If you keep thinking about how scary it is it might get worse!
micksmrs Posts: 931
It was the wedding day more than the marriage bit that scared me, to be honest since we got married nothing much has changed. I love him and couldnt be without him and the same goes for him. I dont think too much about the forever and ever bit or who gets what etc. just go with it cross each bridge as it arrives in front of you worrying what might happen or doing the what if's will drive you insane, why try to imagine something that may never happen and how you will deal with it. You are worrying unnecessarily about cheating, spitting assets when you more than likely will have a long happy marriage. :wv
LoveLife123 Posts: 2138
Hi I'm waiting, Just wanted to say I could have written your post before I got married! I had all of the exact same doubts. But now on the other side I realise that (even though you might not think it) your other half prob has the exact same doubts. If neither of you [b:uogiuav6]want[/b:uogiuav6] to have an affair then neither of you will. A lot of us have had bad past experiences and seen it happen to friends etc but I've realised that all you can do is trust each other and give yourself completely or else you will never be happy. At least if it didn't work out you could look back and say well for x amount of years I was [b:uogiuav6]truly [/b:uogiuav6]happy. Now that we are married we both feel a lot more secure and relaxed with each other and all of those niggly doubts melt away because you are starting a new long and happy chapter together. :wv
EatLoveSleep Posts: 285
hi i'm waiting, have you done the pre-marriage course yet? i have heard this is a great way to get accross fears etc and maybe put your mind at ease? i am with my h2b 5 years but we dont live together as such, he stays most nights but i usually have 2 nights a week to my self and he has his space too. this more cos of circumstance than anything else but i have to say i enjoy my time alone. so for me giving this up is scary, but the way i see it is that if i went in all rose tinted i would end up disappoined, i know it won't be perfect, we will have times when we annoy one another etc but we love each other, we want more kids (i have one already) and the idea of growing old without him just isn't worth imagining. at least you have thougth ahead to the marriage and not just the big day..after all marriage is a long time, a wedding day is just that..a day.
Wispa Posts: 397
the idea of spending the rest of your days with someone can get a bit scary! Sometimes just taking one day at a time helps....concentrate on your happiness in the here and now :xxx With relationships you will get out what you put in...to keep something 'good' some effort is needed all the best
Mrs Mac2be Posts: 571
Im with mu hubbie 10 years married two and have a lovely son, I dont know what will happen tmw no one does, I dont think about it but for now myslef himself and our lil man are happy as Larry. we fight like any normal couple does, our lil one can do our head in at the best of times.(hello he tried to knock one of my best pals bubs of a chair earlier .. mortified) But do you know I dont think will our marriage surrive, I count every day as a blessing we have more good days then bad. lifes too short to be sweating the bad stuff.... just have fun as none of us know what fate is going to hand us :wv
she Posts: 3298
No it doesn't scare me but we have 2 kids and are with each other years. But I tell ya, being someones WIFE makes me feel old.