Mum hates the dress...

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Asgoodasitgets Posts: 130
Hi ladies, Please help! I recently posted below: [quote="Ravellobride2011":3qo2fv2k]Hi there, I had to post as I just tried on my potential 'the one' dress for the 3rd time and it's definitely the one!!!!!YIPPPPEEEEEE :o)ll :o)ll :o)ll :o)ll :o)ll :o)ll :o)ll :o)ll :o)ll :o)ll And mainly to say how happy I am with my fab bridesmaids - always totally supportive and willing to give advice!! The funny thing is, I was strangely nervous about showing it to them today and worried sick that they wouldn't like it - did anyone else feel like this? Anyway - I needn't have worried because they LOVED it as much as I do and one burst into tears (happy ones :o0 ) when she saw me in it :thnk Now I just need to find 4 bridesmaids dresses to compliment my dress - they are 4 beauties so I know they will look gorgeous no matter what and I can't wait to have them by my side on the big day :lvs Ok - enough gushing - I'm annoying myself here - BRING ON THE BIG DAY!!! :yelrotflmaosmilie: :yelrotflmaosmilie: :yelrotflmaosmilie:[/quote:3qo2fv2k] excitement after finding 'THE' dress is clearly evident... Two weeks later - I brought my Mum along to see my 'THE ONE' dress. Now, to give you a bit of background info - my Mum tends to get stressed very easily and this can come out in a negative way. She was also studying that week for a work exam which I knew was on her mind. She finds going into the city for any reason highly stressful - and with this is in mind, I invited her to come in and give her blessing. Things were not looking good when my sister texted me in advance to advise that stress levels were very high enroute into the fitting... Ok - Im just going to say that it was a completely disasterous experience which has really upset me to be honest. Basically, my Mum's reaction was a look of distaste, 'humph' and 'tuttut' and 'I just can't say why but it's not right'. More analysing and then she told me she thought it wasn't flattering on me, didn't do me justice, the shape wasn't right and didn't it seem to look bad around the thighs? I couldn't believe her reaction - I feel like a million dollars in this dress and everyone else has reacted wonderfully saying it's sensational and I have to buy it immediately! I guess I kind of knew there would be an issue as things can be difficult with Mum at the best of times. I challenged her a bit in the shop saying I LOVED it and all I wanted was a bit of support. She then asked if I wanted her to lie?!! Needless to say - we had words in the shop and I left in tears. I met her outside again and asked her how she could say those things and that I honestly couldnt believe her reaction...she then shot me down by saying that sometimes [b:3qo2fv2k]people say things to 'please you'[/b:3qo2fv2k] :o( Im not a vain person but when I put on the dress, I just feel fantastic and like it's really 'ME'! Well...I 'felt'. I never thought there was an issue about my thighs at all? Im a size 8/10 so I don't consider myself to be that big. It's really given my confidence a kicking and I feel like if I go ahead and buy it, I'll always remember my Mum's reaction. My excellent bridesmaids rallied around and brought me out for a night to do some cheering up - all are saying to stick by my guns and that's it's truly stunning! My Dad even called me later all upset when he heard about what happened trying to give support and offering to come in himself to see me in the dress :thnk SO now Im stuck trying to decide what to do. I looked at more dresses today which were fab and did try on a lovely 'romantic' one which would be amazing too. But I can't help but think that while it's fabulous, Im not sure if it's totally me? Do I go ahead and get the original dress anyway and ignore my Mum? I am genuinely really upset with her and feel humiliated and a bit heartbroken by her reaction :weep :weep
GirlFriday Posts: 1815
I say ignore her, she was probably having a really bad day and normally she might have been really positive about your dress. TBH she sounds like an unreliable source of advice since all of your BMs and you think its 'THE ONE' dress. My mam preferred a different dress that I didn't end up buying, but I felt strongly about my 'THE ONE' dress so I picked it instead. Delighted for you that you have such great BMs, they'll be especially important if your mum has the potential to be difficult from time to time. Trust them, they won't tell you things just to 'please you'. :wv
veryvalentino Posts: 259
Trust your BM's but more importantly trust yourself! This is the one day that you need to feel stunning and amazing and this dress makes you feel that way. Your feelings are the most important here and I am sure your Mum will think and say who beautiful you are on the day.
too soft Posts: 518
Hey there,my ma is like yours gets stressed out over the slightest little thing and will fight for Ireland if she thinks she is right!. I had a similar situation to u,except for once it wasnt my mother it was my sister. SHe has always been abit of a control freak and has never been there for me when something good has happened-just to name a few-when we got a new dog she caused a rucas when we got a new car,when we planned a holiday. Anyway she came dress shopping a few times and anything i liked she'd say oh thats very old fashioned. I kinda knew what i liked myself lace and i liked the idea of having arms in the dress,well we went to the last shop and i found my dream dress all the women were like wow that really suits you i felt fab and all she could say is u look lie an awl one in that dress. it didnt put me off-i brought my mam and other sister in and got a great reaction from them and on the day everyone commented how beautiful my dress was it was different . She never said a word but feck it people can be very jealous and they dont always want the best for you so if it were me and this is your dream dress go for it and no more tears this is your day not your mothers or anyone else and it will fly byxx.
Maggs065 Posts: 47
If you trust your Mum's opinion listen to her. Often they are the only people that will tell you as it is. I had a dress picked out - when I showed it to my mum and sister they ruled it out straight away. I was disappointed initially, but I ended up with a gorgeous dress alot more suited to my shape. It is easy to get caught up with an idea of the 'perfect' dress and lose sight of the fact that it may not suit you. However, this may not be the case here - trust your instincts and you won't go too far wrong.
babydust2012 Posts: 4736
I had a similar situation with my mother. I hadn't brought anyone only my younger sister (who is my best friend & gives an honest opinion) with me when trying on dresses. So when we found "The one" I brought my mum out for the day to a few appointments in other shops and literally tried on ANYTHING. My mum is useless really as she thinks everything is gorgeous on me!!! I knew I wanted something fitted and slim but I know she loves the traditional bigger dresses so I literally tried on EVERYTHING!!!! Anyway we wnet to our appointment for the shop where I was convinced my dress was. I told the assisiant I'd try on a few dresses for my mum and then "The One". So had lots of fun trying on all random dresses & mum loved them all especially one! So I was saying, if you like this mum your going to LOVE my dress!!!! So out I come in the dress and I felt like a million dollars and her face just said it all. Like your mum she said she couldn't lie to me that it did nothing for me and didn't look special enough so we left, me practically in tears!!! We went to one last appointment where we both adored a dress and I was torn. So I gave up dress shopping for few weeks and brought her to both shops again. At this stage I was thinking more and more about the "new" dress we both loved & I was practically 90% sure I wanted to go for that so we went to that shop first. So tried it on again and knew I loved it and it was the one as did my mum and sister but I wanted to try on the original dress one last time so I knew I was making the right decision. So off we went to the other shop, I tried on the dress and still loved it but not as much as the other dress and next thing my mum goes "[b:344jcfxd]oh my God fishermansbride, is that the dress you tried on the last day? Its absolutley stunning on you[/b:344jcfxd]". To say I was pi$$ed off was an understatement!!! So the moral of this very long story is...... go with how the dress makes you feel, you will know if its the one or not. Not everyone is going to LOVE your dress as much as you will and thats only natural. PS take a break from looking for a while, with me I found when I took a break from the shops I knew which one I was thinking about more!!! Sorry for the long post :-8
scotswedding Posts: 2829
My mum was with my sister when she picked her dress. When I spoke to her that night, she wasn't even excited about the choice. I went over a few weeks later and saw it (was horriblly plain). Got her to fit on another dress and it was amazing. She felt amazing in it and the shop girls and another girl doing a fitting ooh-ed and aah-ed at her (having said nothing at seeing the first dress). My sister appreciates my mum's opinion but it's not always right in fairness. And she's far from being the fashionista (as am I, but still..). I don't think your mum's opinion sounds balanced due to her anxiety etc. If you trust your friends to be honest with you and you're confident in your own taste, go with your gut.
mijas chica Posts: 544
Aww, bless ya :action31 Go with your gut feeling as other girls have said. Only you know how it makes you feel. There is such a huge difference in them all and they all make you feel different emotions but you know yourself what you feel good in. Give it a few days and then go back either on your own or someone else you really trust and see how it makes you feel then. If you still feel the same way go for it, don't let the dress of your dreams go, you'll remember it on your big day. Good luck!!!!!
GucciEnvyOctober Posts: 382
Post a pic of the dress and Im sure u will get honest opinions from fellow wollies!
jayallen Posts: 10
This is terrible! She sounds exactly like my mother. You want support and encouragement, not to have your self-confidence ripped to shreds with a couple of words. 'Being honest' is not an excuse for being downright mean. Nor is her having a bad, stressful day. Planning a wedding is stressful, she should be trying to minimise your stress, not loading hers onto you and stressing you out even further. The things is, you felt you had found 'the one' :xox in terms of your wedding dress, until your mum came along and made you doubt your choice. Go with your gut instinct. You have to remember, it's your day, your wedding and it is about YOU! --> princess for a day :custum59 By the way, I don't listen to my mother any more, or indeed ask any advice any more about what I wear or how I look in clothes ("it's a bit tight" "yes your bum does look big in that") because it seems that she just goes out of her way to say something negative, so why put myself through it? Even my grown up women's shoes she picks on! Perhaps, if she can't play nice just tell her that you won't include her in any more bridal purchases if that is what her attitude is going to be like, that you want the planning of your wedding and the actual wedding day to be a happy memory, not a stressful one and she is making it stressful for you and therefore will no longer be included in shopping outings if she doesn't change her attitude!