My mum dying, father already dead resent DH with 2 parents - Page 2

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Reecespieces Posts: 927
kkb2b Posts: 166
Hi There I totally understand what you mean, my own mum passed away when i was 19. I am currently living with my dad who is 72, i actually dread to think how ill react when anything happens to him and i hate the thought of leaving him on his own when i move out. Myself and my mum were really close, she used to drag me everywhere with her..... i suppose in a wierd way i was lucky i was 19 when she died, as i was always out on the town, enjoying myself and i think it was easier for me to accept it and keep going... but im at a stage in life where i would love to have her around - we are currently buliding a house and i just wish she was here to help me with things, because i know she would be in her element... as for planning a wedding, i think if she was alive she'd have her outfit got already.... we're not getting married until Sept... Sometimes i see people with thier mum in town and it just hits me.... you do get jealous of people... I am also the only girl in the family, so sometimes its hard when you dont have anyone to turn to, or have a little cry with..... one thing im not looking forward to is having a baby (which is a bit away yet!).... i wont have anyone to ask questions to or be able to call on for help without feeling bad about putting them out! But on the bright side, I have the best friends in the world, and they are only a phone call away. My dad is great health, and hopefully will be with me for a long time to come, and I have the best H2B anyone could ask for, he is well used to me getting into my moods and being upset at this stage! So dont feel bad what so ever for resenting him - we all at some stage in life with resent someone.... its only normal. And loosing people you love is part of life... it will happen to every single one of us. we need to make the most of what we have. Like Dee said, it drives me mad when i hear people giving out about their parents etc, at the end of the day they only have your best interest at heart.
Bridget Posts: 539
I think what you are feeling is perfectly normal. As another poster said, gently let DH know that he is lucky to have both parents. My gran died when I was 27. I was very close to her. I almost felt jealous of my Dad at the funeral. He was only an inlaw, didn't see eye to eye with gran, but he was beside my mother and grandad as chief mourner. People were offering condolences to my dad before they were offering them to me and my sister. Our family is very small as mum is an only child, dad is the youngest of a crowd and I only have one sister. I would love if there were a few more brothers/sisters in our family or even if mum had a sister/brother. I feel that cousins are not the same as your own family. I only met DH a few years ago despite being 36 and we starting a family only now. I sometimes feel a bit resentful when I hear about people who got married at 25 or 26 and were able to start their family younger, as well as having a good few brothers/sisters/aunts/uncles etc. I suppose you have to keep positive, try and keep in contact with relations & spend time with close friends.
radiogaga Posts: 16
hi girls Thanks a million for the replies I am so glad to read that I am not obnormal or alone having the thoughts that I was having. I have spoken to my fantastic DH about how I was feeling jealous and resentful of him and he has said that he couldn't blame me and if the situations were refersed he would probably be feeling the same way about things. the points made are very valid and have made me think that maybe I am dwelling far too much on how I am going to feel when my Mum passes away which please god may not yet be for a while. I am going to have to stop thinking like she is already dead which is what I think I am doing sometimes and spend as much time with her as possible. We are going down this weekend to stay with her, so am looking forward to that. Thankfully I have always had a realy good relationship with her as I read some people's stories about their family relationships and I feel very sad for them. I am also incredibly lucky with my in-laws who have been really good and caring to me. Also I had a wonderful DD who brightens up each day so really life is good. think I was having a really bad day when I was writing this post but it was good to vent it out.
Daff Posts: 11644
Daff Posts: 11644
pinklady81 Posts: 91
Hi, Both my parents are alive, but my MIL died a week and half before we were due to get married. It was the hardest thing I ever had to go trough not only loosing a women I adored and could not wait to call her Mam. I also lost the day I planned for two years as we had to bring it forth. Anyway I can understand if my husband is resentful. His Mam missed out on her only son getting married and his Baby boy been born. I myself look at his sisters and feel so resentful. She was around for their weddings and their babies been born. I feel as if we are really hard done by and I wish every day that she could see her beautiful grandchild. She adore my Husband as he was the only boy in four girls and for him to have a little boy it would have meant the world to her. All our happiest moments in our lives she has missed and I think I will always be a little resentful and cannot blame my husband one bit if he thinks the same about me having my 2 parents sharing everything with us. As its not the same if we cannot share it with his Mam also. I am trilled my parents are still around, but I really do feel like I lost a parent too. She was my second Mam.
vdunne1 Posts: 62
I know how u feel my dad died suddenly last year & i was just after movin into my new home 2days previous, so when i would be passing my cousins new house & would see their parents car outside i would get so jealous that they had both there parents visiting them & that my dad could not visit me. This did pass after 2 months or so it really think it is part of the grieving process! I now have the thoughts that when my wedding day comes my dad wont be there to walk me down the ailse but h2b father (feeling of jealousy again, well i think thats what it is) will be there but im sure loads of people go through this.
Trixy3 Posts: 2041
I know that this is a very hard time for you, I lost my mam 5 years this New Years Eve and I started to grieve when she was diagnosed with the cancer but soon realised that she was still there and when she was given 3 weeks to live it felt like an eternity....cherish this time with her as you will have good memories.... I dont resent my h2b having both his parents as they are fantastic to me but when he is giving out about them I remind him that he has only 1 mam and dad and to cherish them.... Best of luck to you :wv