I really don't know how you could have a conversation like that with her without totally offending her . . .I think it would make things worse and turn her against you.
Well, that's the trade-off you have to consider.
Better to let her get upset on a continuous basis, and think that her son and DIL are turning DIL's family against her, or be upfront with her and risk offending her?
Anyway it's not as if she lives next door. If she does get offended, at least she'll stop hassling your family, and besides you won't have to see her busily being offended every day.
[quote="scotswedding":19lw968k]I had read this earlier and not replied as I certainly don't have experience of it but seeing there are still no replies I thought I'd add my tuppence worth...
It's quite a strange one really... You say she's not lonely but it sounds like she is... She might have kids at home but if one is still at school and the other not much older they probably don't spend that much time with her.
Maybe she's just excited at the thought of extending her family with her son getting married- is he the first in the family?
While I can understand her wanting to make an effort with your parents in law I do find the card to the cousin a tad strange and for that reason I do think you (or rather your husband) will have to speak to her. She's having unreasonable expectations of being a part of your family so that does need to be spelt out to her. I'm sure it will be hard to broach the subject but perhaps she will let you know why she's being like this...[/quote:19lw968k]
I agree with all this. The nly thing is that I think she may have sent that card to get closer to you. It sounds like she has a good heart and probably is a little bit lonely. I have the exact opposite problem with my MIL so your situation sounds all warm and family like to an outsider like me!!