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Snappy h2b what to do??

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sweeneytodd Posts: 29
Hi all! im at my wits end after yet another row. For a start most of the time we have a really good relationship, we get on well have tons to talk about everything is grand in the bed department but.. my h2b is very snappy, all of a sudden out of the blue he will snap at me for the stupidest of things and im left reeling it is so horrible , i have tried to get him to stop cursing so much but to no avail stuff like in an agressive tone- I told you not to put fxxxxg milk on my weetabix, or we were out in the pub the other night and I moved my stool and he was like what the fxxx are you doing It sounds ridiculous but it is causing so many problems, Its just that I feel that he has no manners sometimes, and when he gets irritated he just lashes out at me.It is so hurtful- and the worst thing is it is always over the stupidest of things- last night i felt like breaking it off, but we have been together for 8 years and I do love him. At this stage i am thinking about relationship counselling, we have talked and talked and are getting nowhere. He keeps saying that I want him to be perfect but its not that, I just want him to think for a minute before he has a snappy thing to say, because i find it so hurtful Does anyone else have a prob like this?? I just dont know what to do anymore and basically Im fed up of this crap, we have enough things to deal with would love some opinions!!!
lovebug997 Posts: 4034
No real advice just support! If h2b said that to me about the Weetabix he'd be wearing them! I agree with Bouncy but instead of you packing your bags and threatening to leave the next time it happens at home I would stay very calm and not argue with him. Go upstairs and pack a bag for HIM! Tell him that until he sees the error of his ways and begins to treat you with a bit of respect that you don't want him in the house!
catmcl Posts: 2
Hi sweenytodd, I totally agree with everything BouncyL said but I would like to call this one out as blatant Emotional Abuse. Counselling would be a very good idea, asap. You are obviously getting to the stage where this is becoming uncacceptable to live with and rightly so.
sweeneytodd Posts: 29
thank you so much it really helps me, i have left for the day just to get my head together, it really helps because after a while you start to forget what is normal any more Most of the time we are fine we get on really well, I didnt mention earlier actually h2b had a very dysfunctional childhood alcoholism and all sorts of problems, his dad left him at 14. The truth of the matter is I didnt know what i was getting myself in for really. To be honest over the years its been just the same old problem- he snaps over something ridiculous, i get really upset and then we are arguing for about two days, we could go for weeks being fine and then out of nowhere an argument He always argues back that im expecting him to be perfect- but its not perfection im looking for its just not snapping at me and being rude and ignorant , surely that isnt too much to expect from anyone.. but anyway all i know is i cant take this anymore, i dont trust him because i never know when he is going to snap.. you are right it is emotional abuse, and I have to put a stop to it. im sick of the disrespect, thanks again and ill keep you posted- but again its always me who makes the moves I mentioned counselling this morning but he didnt want to know, my sister even said a while ago that she would die if her boyf spoke to her this way..
sweeneytodd Posts: 29
Ps Bouncyl i was just reading over your post again- thats exactly the way it is! when the snappy episode is over. and hour or so later he will act like nothing has happened, and here i am still upset two days later.. im not really speaking to him at the mo but if i go home and make it up it will be like nothing has happened youre right it is normal behaviour to him.. thanks againx
MrsWhippy09 Posts: 2346
Has your h2b ever had counselling to help him deal with his childhood? I think it would help him to deal with his emotions and not take it out on you like he has been doing. You need to sit him down and tell him exactly how he is making you feel and enocurage him to see a councellor. Its not acceptable that he's using you as a release and then acting as if nothing ever happened after he has snapped the head off you.. Its clearly upsetting you and damaging your relationship so tell him out straight that he needs to get it sorted asap. Hope it works out for you.
I-dunno Posts: 20
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sweeneytodd Posts: 29
thanks everybody you have all been a great help, this has been coming to a head for a while and i think that if i dont make a serious stand against it now i never will, I just dont want to live in this unhealthy relationship where im tip toeing around somebody - Im really glad it all worked out for you I-Dunno, the worst thing is i resorted to a shouting match with him last night, and of course that got us nowhere. No matter how many times I say it to him is that all im asking is for a bit of respect( feel a bit like aretha franklin here!)- he keeps coming back with " you are being unrealistic I will be snappy and say things out of line to you in the future, and there is no point in giving you the promise that i wont" to be honest i just dont know what to do with that!!!- its nearly funny if i wasnt in the situation myself.- basically he keeps saying that he will try his best but dont expect " perfection" In other words a snap now and again, just not on a regular basis!!, well I am not going to stand for that, If somebody cant look me in the eye and after only being engaged for 6 months say that they are going to treat me with respect, well i just dont know > I cant help it im still so angry about the whole situation. I will broach the subject of counselling again tonight if i can bear to even talk to him. Again girls thanks a million, its great to have the support.. sorry for going on
lets go fly a kite Posts: 2388
[quote="BouncyL":1ar2m8aa] You know what jumps into my mind? I completley understand if you were too nervous to do this but I like the idea of you packing your bags this morning and telling him you've had enough of his childish behaviour and his disrespect and you're leaving him!! It might give him an awful fright and he might actually realise the effect this is having on you. My guess is that an hour after he has snapped at you disrespectfully he'll pretend nothing is wrong and look at you like you were mad if you even mention it. [/quote:1ar2m8aa] You like the idea of a childish ultimatum - why? Because it will give you some cyber amusement? He might get a fright or he might react in the unreasonable way he has been behaving, and tell her to fck off. It's heartlessly reckless to recommend a vulnerable person takes such a potentially destructive course of action.
lets go fly a kite Posts: 2388
[quote="BouncyL":1lgm9r1x][quote="lets go fly a kite":1lgm9r1x][quote="BouncyL":1lgm9r1x] You know what jumps into my mind? I completley understand if you were too nervous to do this but I like the idea of you packing your bags this morning and telling him you've had enough of his childish behaviour and his disrespect and you're leaving him!! It might give him an awful fright and he might actually realise the effect this is having on you. My guess is that an hour after he has snapped at you disrespectfully he'll pretend nothing is wrong and look at you like you were mad if you even mention it. [/quote:1lgm9r1x] You like the idea of a childish ultimatum - why? Because it will give you some cyber amusement? He might get a fright or he might react in the unreasonable way he has been behaving, and tell her to fck off. It's heartlessly reckless to recommend a vulnerable person takes such a potentially destructive course of action.[/quote:1lgm9r1x] Ask I-dunno if she thinks it's a childish ultimatum. It worked for her that's why I suggested it. You certainly don't know any more than me about the situation. You just troll this site looking for ways of insulting people for your own "cyber amusement" I was trying to offer my opinion to Sweeneytodd and be supportive. Of course you wouldn't know anything about what that means.[/quote:1lgm9r1x] I don't know much about the situation which is why I refrained from giving advice. I certainly don't troll this site or any other. You and your ilk seem to think that any sort of counsel as long as it's in the appropriately hugs-and-kisses vein is better than practical but unpalatable advice.