Something similar happened me when I was in my 20s but not at the scale you're talking with mortgages etc but all the same I was totally committed to my boyfriend of 2 years and found he was using internet dating sites to "meet" girls. I was devasted and couldn't trust him because for me it was just the same as cheating on me. I can't tell you what to do but what I would say is don't make any decision on the fact that you are late 30's/ Life is not over for you and you deserve the very best from life.
Gosh dont know what to say really only I'm sorry you're going through this.
[quote="fishermansbride":1jmx2g1f]don't make any decision on the fact that you are late 30's/ Life is not over for you and you deserve the very best from life.
Oh god you poor thing
Don't let your biological clock rule your head! He sounds like a pig to be frank about it. Like you said, you can understand him hedging his bets in the early days but this is cheating! He sounds like he is still damaged after the divorce and maybe didn't get rid of all his demons.
He is being very unfair to you. I would sit him down and be firm. Don't let to him fob you off. You've put your life on hold for him and if he can't give you a future then he needs to say so now. You can't be his consolation prize or just his security blanket while he is off seeing other women.
The important thing is your perception of whether he "cheated", did he take it any further- was it just an ego thing (and lets be honest men often get off on these silly things). If I go into my hotmail email there are lots of messages from old websites advertising their "new matches" ...now I just delete them whereas I really need to block them-but I am a bit useless at stuff like that- I actually asked H2B to sort it out when he gets time!!
I think the thing here is was it just emails?
A good friend of mine showed up at my door a few years ago crying- she had a very similar story to you, her OH was on dating website and there had been some texts as well. Well obviously she stayed with me for a few days and we all said what a f**k, assh*le etc (and they were the more polite terms!!). After 3 days she went to talk to him and much to our horror they sorted it out!! Roll on 4 years and they are happily married with second baby on the way!
you need to sit down and talk to him,figure out can you trust him has he been honest to you or is he having his cake and eating it.
What did he divorse from his first wife for-maybe she found stuff out like you have and if so he will never change so get out now while you have plenty of time to meet a man that respects supports and is made for you
Its a very hard situation to be in heres a
thanks to you all for the replies
If you do feel you need to talk then my advice would be to contact a relationship counsellor, maybe go on your own first and if needs be then go together. You obviouly love him, and he seems genuinly sorry and ashamed....but you know if that is the worst mistake that is made, then ye will have a long and happy life together
You poor thing-my advice would be not to say anything until you have sorted it out yourself, once you say it even to a close friend it is in the public arena and should ye both decide to put it behind you then it is hard for others to understand.
The one thing is, what doesn't destroy a relationship can in the long run make it much stronger
[quote="MrsDodders":2xp2qaga]He is being very unfair to you. I would sit him down and be firm. Don't let to him fob you off. You've put your life on hold for him and if he can't give you a future then he needs to say so now. You can't be his consolation prize or just his security blanket while he is off seeing other women.[/quote:2xp2qaga]
[color=#400040:2xp2qaga]+1 Even if you get through this, will you ever truly trust him? You now know that he's capable of lying to you and twisting the situation as though you're the villain for reading his emails. This would be a make or break deal for me personally. You're in your late 30s, not approaching 80! In the grand scheme of things you're both young, but it sounds like he has been an idiot and is manipulating you. Even if he swears blind that he never met any of the women he's been contacting, you'll always wonder.
But ultimately the decision rests with you. Hope you make the best decision for yourself