I was a big contributor to WOL just before I got married-Ive used this username to be annon.I'm recently married and really think we've made the wrong decision.It's all my fault really,I was unsure before the wedding.I did mention it to my husband ,many times, but he managed to talk me round each time,relay my fears,said it was nerves and that we loved each other.Which we do ,very much.That's the hard part.If I didnt care for him it would be easy,but I do.He's a real gentleman.I just am not attracted to him...at all.I want to be so much but there is just no chemistry, and hes so easy going he'll never bring up the subject.We're living a lie and its all my fault .I was not brave enough to call it off before the big day , and part of me really needs him too.I don't know if im asking for advice or just opening my heart but I wanted to write it down.I should be on top of the worrld right now , and so should he.Has anyone else been in this situation?
couldn't read and not reply..... i can 't tell you what to do. Only you know how you really feel.
I just want to wish you well and hope that it all works out for you.
so sorry to hear about your worries....i know it sounds a bit obvious but have you considered going to talk to someone about it?there must have been something there to start with and you abviously have a lot of feeling for him.Best of luck with whatever you decide.
Like nooneknows I couldnt read & not reply. My heart goes out to you, I was in a similar situation, I was living with my last Boyfriend for 6 years & we decided to buy a house but something didnt feel right & I loved him but like you said I wasnt attracted to him. My parents etc started offering money for the house & it was this that triggered me to make up my mind. I literally packed my bags & went away for a few days on my own (everyone thought I had lost it). I was relaxed & everything became so clear to me. I went home & the next day we sat down & I told him everything, the funny thing is he knew what I was going to say. It was so so hard to do & even though I made the decision I was so upset but I had done everything I could but the spark just wasnt there and at the end of it I just couldnt go through with relationship, the house etc. Its like it wasnt just him I upset either, my family, his family, our friends, everyone was devestated & no one could have seen it coming. I am now engaged & he is really happy with his girlfriend. My family told me just a couple of months later that at the time they were upset for both of us but they could see how much happier I was then.
Im not telling you to leave your husband but think strongly about what you want to do. Talk to him & tell him how you feel.
I hope things work out for you, everyone deserves to be happy.
You've gotten yourself into a pretty big mess here! It's only you that can get yourself out of it. If you are always going to feel unfulfilled by this guy then you need to break up with him rather than keep on living a lie. Yes you should feel on top of the world nad not having these doubts but you don't so deal with it.
Holy sh*t, you poor thing. You must feel just awful. Were you ever attracted to him, do you think it is something you could get back? You must have gotten together with him through attraction right? If you don't think you can get that back then I think you need to start talking to him. You will be stuck in a lie, and I think not only is that unfair to you, but to your husband too.
My friend is in a simlar situation at the mo - is it just a patch you are going through?? Do yo go out often with friends?
does 'Marital Sexual Therapy'. But as they're a Catholic agency I'm not sure how wild that would be
There's also www.mrcs.ie
and that's non denominational.
If you really love him and he's your best friend and you enjoy doing things together and you live happily together and the only component that's missing is that you're not attracted to him physically, could you not work on that?? I don't think you get a fantastic marriage including friendship, great sex, the whole package, without a shedload of work at it. Maybe you're being too hard on yourself by just expecting that you should always feel very attracted to each other and have a great sex life?
Could you go to speak with someone together? I've seen that Accord
So why did you marry him if you were just not sure?
Maybe you are just feeling a little bit trapped but let me tell you if you are in love with him and he is a gent and all these great things, you need to wake up and smell the roses as you have a great thing their and sometimes it may not come around again.
Do some long hard thinking because once you open the can of worms, you cant close it again.
You'd be surprised BouncyL!!! I've said no before it was too late and have been lucky enough to move on and meet h2b, whom I adore and fingers crossed he adores me!!! I know the damage I caused walking away from that guy and I know the damage I would have done would have been far greater if I'd stayed.
Also if a girl came on here and said oh my god husband has just said he doesn't love me and has no feelings that way for me, everyone one of us would be saying what a b*llox he was to let it get so far.