Chief Bridemaid duties????

We've Moved!

Our wonderful discussion forums have now moved to Facebook...

Click to join us in our HIGM ("Help I'm Getting Married") group!

eam_2008 Posts: 9
Hi I'm chief bridesmaid for my sister in next 2 months. We've had a number of arguements and one again last night where she got all upset and told me I'm a useless chief bridemaid..... I don't agree - I've organised her hen party with no help from anyone except getting contact details from her for the hen goers. I've gone to look at flowers, went to see bands / venues last year when everything was being organised. I went dress shopping with her 2/3 times before she picked her dress. The bridesmaid dress shopping was easy as we found the dresses the 2nd day we went shopping. I admit i've had a crazy schedule the last 2 months but most of my weekend have been taken up doing personal things that can't be avoided and I haven't been around to help. The other bridesmaid has done 1 days shopping with her. What do most other chief bridesmaid do / expected to do?
LM24 Posts: 932
She's being unreasonable. You are being really supportive and organising the hen is a great help. Perhaps she got used to your constant support and has taken it for granted so in the last 2 months she feels you aren't as involved. Did she give you a specific reason why she considers you useless? You have done so much already. My CBM organised my hen and went BM dress shopping etc but she didnt do half the other things you did and I'm delighted with her, as organising the hen was a real treat as I only had to show up on the day. Is your sister stressed out, has she said anything like this before?
Missus Lippy Posts: 5879
If I'd had a BM like you I would have been delighted with myself, you have done more than enough. Maybe she is just having a hard time with planning at the moment and needs a good rant over lunch or something?
Ca cest moi Posts: 7855
[quote="Missus Lippy":23avto2u]If I'd had a BM like you I would have been delighted with myself, you have done more than enough. Maybe she is just having a hard time with planning at the moment and needs a good rant over lunch or something?[/quote:23avto2u] Totally agree, maybe she just needs a rant but as far as I'm concerned you have been a fab CBM so far. I would have been delighted with you.
eam_2008 Posts: 9
Thanks girls for the messages. She's under a lot of pressure at the moment - she has a young baby. Her h2b is self employed. He's great with the baby (when he's at home and not working) but he isn't exactly doing much to help with the wedding preparations. Her best friend was over visiting a few weeks ago and went on and on about how great her sister (chief bridesmaid) was for her wedding. She told me how she went shopping for bridal underwear with her etc. I just don't have time to be doing all these things but it was like my sister has set the whole situation up to make me look like I'm the world's worst. She has somehow managed to forget anything I've done in the past. By the way I've done any amount of baby-sitting and I accomodate her as much as I can so she can get a break
eam_2008 Posts: 9
Lucky bride - I see from your profile that you'll be Chief bridesmaid soon. What have you had to do (just so I've an idea what other ppl do) ?
Ca cest moi Posts: 7855
[quote="eam_2008":2efiswec]Lucky bride - I see from your profile that you'll be Chief bridesmaid soon. What have you had to do (just so I've an idea what other ppl do) ?[/quote:2efiswec] I think the biggest thing to do for the bride is to be there for her but too in her face. I am CBM soon so a lot of the planning is done. The bride in fairness has her own ideas but we were able to sound ideas off each other too as my wedding was only a couple of months ago. :wv :wv :wv *) The bride picked the bridesmaids dresses but I have organised my own dress fittings etc so that she does not have to deal with that. I will just collect it for her when they are done. *) I got some lovely (expensive) jewellery for my wedding that did not go with my dress in the end and I have put it aside for her as her something borrowed for the day. I have not worn it yet so she can be the first to. *) With the bride, I organised the hen weekend as per her requirements as we would both not be big drinkers so knew where she was coming from on that front and made sure it was a weekend she would enjoy. Planned little suprises for her. *) I will take the bridesmaids shoes, dresses, jewellery etc to the hotel along with anything else that she needs to be sure she doesn't have the worry of that stuff. *) I made her a check list up of everything that needs to be done for her own wedding and try to email her every week to see if there is anything else she needs doing. *) I helped her to write the invitations and get them out to the guests. I pulled together as many of the addresses as I could to save her doing them all. Its an awful job. *) I put together a guideline timetable for the day (a guideline for her to work with) which I will go through with her just to give her an idea of how timing went on my own day. It will help the couple time there own. *) General little tips along the way like getting the Notification to the State in before 5th November last year, where we did pre-marriage courses, good dress shops, where we got inivtations/mass booklets printed etc..... *) I bought her and the groom a Waterford Crystal unity candle set for their engagement present. They can use them in their house afterwards and they are something they also will not have to buy for the day. It is little things that matter most as most brides want to plan their own day, you are only there to give tips and to agree with whatever they decide is their final decision. The day is about the couple, but from what I see you seem to have that very much in hand and are a great CBM. Good luck with it. :wv
cremebrulee Posts: 8546
Mine has come wedding dress shopping and bm dress shopping. I'm not looking for anything else except help with a hen party! You're doing an awful lot for your sister... she should be more grateful! It could just be the stress getting to her though...
cupcakebabe Posts: 2232
I think you have done loads as well! The way i look at it is its the bride and grooms wedding day and no matter how close you are to sisters or friends (or whoever is your bridesmaids or bestman/groomsmen) the day wont mean as much to them as it does you and you cant expect them to stop living their lives just because you are getn married! Ive organised my wedding pretty much myself apart from wrecking their heads with wedding chat on phone or whenever we meet for drinks or whatever which is all in fun. You are doing a great job!
cheryl cole Posts: 49
Sounds like you are doing a great job of being BM - a lot better than mine was I'll tell you :o( It also sounds like this girl is having a touch of the bridezillas and you are the easy target...So maybe don't react too strongly if she is under a lot of pressure but don't take cr@p from her either. Ask what exactly she would like you to help with that you haven't so far...she prob can't think of too many examples. Talk to her about the things she wants you to look after for her on the day a bag of emergency supplies etc. She might appreciate that you've thought about this in advance. Good luck :wv