divorced families

We've Moved!

Our wonderful discussion forums have now moved to Facebook...

Click to join us in our HIGM ("Help I'm Getting Married") group!

hunnymonster Posts: 725
H2B's parents are divorced. As far as I can tell they haven't been in the same room in 25 years and there is a lot of bitterness going around. Both have new partners. H2B probably gets on better with his Mum but his Dad has been very good to me and I find his mum a bit self focused. My dad is dead so on my side there is only my mum. Originally I was going to ask her to keep an eye on things and prevent WWIII breaking out but H2B's family have quite strong accents and my mum is almost deaf so I can see the whole thing turning into an episode of faulty towers. We're planning to get married abroad but that makes the whole event into a weekend at least (rather than a few hours at home) and I'm kind of worried. I'd love to hear how other people in similar situations coped.
Bunnybaby Posts: 2701
well dont have the same situation but if they ahve any respect for you both they will cop on for the few days and behave themselves its their son thats geting married after all
hunnymonster Posts: 725
Originally that's what I expected to happen but FMIL will throw a strop.
Bunnybaby Posts: 2701
well after only starting to organise a wedding myself and you being so close to yours...i can only imagine the amount of time money energy and effort that you have put in and of course himself but i would be having a quiet word with her or just say in passing well i hope everyone gets on for the few days.....hint hint
hagfromhell Posts: 2146
I know this will not be much help to you, but try not to stress yourself too much in the run up to things. It is your special day (and h2b's) and unfortunately if something is going to kick off between them it will, no matter what you say or do. They probably will make an effort seeing as it is the day thats in it, but if anything does happen, it is a reflection completely on them and not on you and h2b :xxx
MrsWhippy09 Posts: 2346
My parents are recently divorced and luckily are civil to each other but I do understand your worries. If you are that worried about what may happen, I would get your h2b to sit both his parents down and tell them nicely but firmly that this is your special day and you would appreciate that they would put aside any issues they have with each other for the day and that you dont want any scenes. It's only one day and they are adults so they're just going to have to put up with each other for that day. You're not asking them for much. It'd be pretty selfish of them if they acted up on your day. On a side note - are you inviting their respective partners to the wedding reception? ETA - It would be very unfair to ask your own Mam to keep an eye on them so that WWIII doesn't break out. She's there to enjoy herself, not to be babysitting two grown adults.
Dolphin Lover Posts: 303
[quote="MrsWhippy09":3ihk1i00]It would be very unfair to ask your own Mam to keep an eye on them so that WWIII doesn't break out. She's there to enjoy herself, not to be babysitting two grown adults.[/quote:3ihk1i00] I totally agree with the above. however i disagree with earlier posts saying that they are adults and therefore should be civil. age has nothing to do with maturity. even after 25 years wounds can be deep and it can be hard on family occasions when all old hurts are brought to the fore and they have to see each with other partners etc. as a child of divorced parents i have come to accept that i can't ever expect an all rosy day with smiles all around. in the end i made some difficult decisions but decided that i was going to please myself as there was no winners whatever i choose. my decisions have alienated some relatives who have not spoken to me since. sad but their loss. all the best- the only advice i have is to see what options you have in your situation to make sure you and your husband-to-be have a good day. forget everyone else.