Following on from Am I being totally unreasonable?

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ciara xx Posts: 75
Hi everyone I am just following on from St. Patricks Day. We got on really well that day I ended up going out with him and his mates as per usual O:| although it wasn't as bad as I thought. He got drunk and acted a prick with his mate not me this time :eek . Think they were all a bit shocked to see what he was really like with drink in him. Anyways everything was going fine then yesterday I got up made him toast and coffee in bed and got up and started making dinner for his mother on Mothers Day. All of a sudden I was talking about the tesco advert and he couldn't remember it. So I tried explaining it and saying he did know it and asked did he not remember etc... He stopped me mid way and snapped and said no he didn't. I ignored it and tried explaining it again and he went crazy. I was in the kitchen at the time and sort of looked at him and said why the hell are you shouting at me? Then he got worse. I walked away and went into the sitting room and closed the door. He came in after me and started roaring in my face that I never listen and if he says he doesn't remember something he doesn't remember it and drop it WTF!!! I've never seen him so cross. I told him I didn't want to marry someone who treats his W2B like that. He can't love me to do that. He said fair enough go then and took the blankets off me and said I'll even put your stuff in the car for you. I was crying my eyes out and told him I'd had enough that he's a psycho. I left with tears streaming down my eyes. He kept phoning me fo 2-3 hours after it and I eventually answered the phone. He managed to get me talked round. Saying sorry he didn't mean it that with him being out of work and all he's depressed but that I have to listen to him from now on etc.. Me being gullible me came back down to him and I walked in the door got a peck on the face and that was it. Everything was back to normal as if he had done nothing wrong. Just kept saying I have to listen to him WTF. Why did I ever go back?? O:| He started on at me when I was upset last night that we were going to be fine and that we are just down due to our jobs and taking everything out on each other. I may get down but I would never shout at him the way he shouted at me. I thought he was going to hit me at one stage. Then he had the cheek to start on but how our sex life is so bad. I was like well maybe if he changed his attitude maybe he would get mor ein return. My head is fried. He is not the man I feel in love with. Why did I commit to him? My whole life before me is looking very miserable and I feel as though I've no control of it. :o(
jellywellies Posts: 2268
Hiya Ciara - I feel for you. He has absolutely no right to shout at you and defo not in your face!! I think you know in your heart of hearts how you feel!! I don't want to say break it off with him as its your call - but maybe a break for a bit to let him see what he is missing!! You haven't fully commited to him yet and its better you see him as he is now before you get married. x
hagfromhell Posts: 2146
Now I am sorry that he is having job problems etc BUT - that is no way to treat ANYONE. You wouldn't treat the dog like that. It sounds like he has big anger bubbling inside him, and while it is bad now, what would it be like when your children would be standing witnessing it. Reminds me of the domestic voilence ad on the telly when the kids are sitting on the stairs listening to their dad roaring. And while he might not have hit you, that behaviour is not on. He needs to sort himself out pronto before he loses the woman that loves him
mrstee Posts: 927
ciara, thats just awful what you are going through. he is totally in the wrong for being like that with you. You need to do what is best for you. also think about where you see yourself in another few years and if you want him as part of your life? only make the decision that is best for you. hth :xxx
mini mama Posts: 834
Ciara I understand he is down over his job but that is completely unacceptable...he seems to be a very angry man at the moment and it seems to come to the surface with very little aggravation...he seems to be constantly simmering....maybe his friends are staring to notice a different man too especially if he kicked off at one of them over the week....would it be worth mentioning it to his mother or even suggest to him that ye need to speak to someone and sort through whatever anger issues he has....seriously this needs to be sorted out in the short term or it will become a way of life and no one deserves that treatment x
mrsb09 Posts: 1292
ciara,were you meant to be heading out with on paddys day. if he is not working why is he spening what little money he has in a pub, now i wouldnt mind popping in for a few for the day thats in it, but if he managed to get really drunk he would have to have spent a good bit. he needs to get his priorities right. i know it must be horrible for him been out of work but thats no excuse for his behaviour. if you feel you want to give this another chance just leave him for aweek let him see what its like without you. you need to sort this out now before it get worse and is the norm in your relationship... :xxx
WeddingBelle2011 Posts: 503
Sorry Ciara, but you are a grown woman, you know damn well what he is like.. and yet after 2-3 hours you just give in.. i don't mean to have a go.. but i think you need to grow a back bone!! To me he sounds like he has absolutely no respect for ya, and in all fairness why would he, he knows that he can shout at you all he likes and that afterwards he will just apologise and you will just come straight back. Do you really think so little of yourself to allow anyone, let alone your h2b speak to you like that.. i wouldn't take that behaviour from a dog on the street, but the fact that this man is supposed to love you, i am sorry but it don't sound like it to me. I would say to you now, under no circumstances would I consider marrying a man like that .. now I know no man or woman is perfect.. but we are not talking about a man here who doesn't pick his clothes up off the floor, or doesn't pull his weight around the house. This man is abusive and very agressive, there is plenty of people that have lost their jobs, but they don't carry on like that. Tell him to put his energy into getting a job, instead of shouting his mouth off at his partner and friends. But the one thing I will say is you need to stand up for yourself, you are not a doormat. Have a bit of respect for yourself, nobody deserves to be treated like that. I hope you don't think I am having a go at you, but you sound like a girl that needs to give herself a good shake and face up to what is going on!!
micksmrs Posts: 931
Ciara, Obviously your H2B's behaviour is not acceptable. You can do either one of two things, one of them is walk out the door and say goodbye and leave it all behind you, this is NOT an easy thing to do. When we love someone and they do things to hurt us because we love them we easily forgive/forget/move on from whats happened and try to be better in the future. Your other option is to sit down the two of you and discuss what is happening and the treatment you are experiening at the moment and the upset and hurt it is causing. You both have to understand where the other is coming from, agree a way forward and draw a line under it and move on. Tell your h2b what is not acceptable behaviour and what language is/is not acceptabel when things are not going right. Agree with each other what is over stepping the mark. See if this improves the situation and if not then your have to decide if you will put up with things the way they are or if you should leave. Weddingbelle2010's post is very black and white and I think very harsh. It is not just as simple as walking out the door and closing it behind you on a relationship, most people will try to work things out before giving up the ghost especially if they love the person they are in the relationship with. As well as that all relationships are different as are the people in them, what is acceptable to one person might not be acceptable to another.
WeddingBelle2011 Posts: 503
[quote="micksmrs":1owpwjqg]Ciara, Weddingbelle2010's post is very black and white and I think very harsh. It is not just as simple as walking out the door and closing it behind you on a relationship, most people will try to work things out before giving up the ghost especially if they love the person they are in the relationship with. As well as that all relationships are different as are the people in them, what is acceptable to one person might not be acceptable to another.[/quote:1owpwjqg] I am not suggesting that she walk out on her relationship, but I think if she stood up to her h2b and wasn't so quick to go rushing back to him, he would actually realise that she doesn't derserve this, she has said in her post, that when she came back he just kissed her on the cheek, like nothing had happened. Does this sound like a guy who had a deep hard think about what he was after doing, and also in her post she said that she had given him coffee and toast in bed, and she was up making his mother's dinner for Mother's Day. It just sounds like he completely takes her for granted. I think she is the one working on the relationship, and not him. I don't mean to be harsh, but it just sounded to me this girl needed a wake up call, but in all fairness I think she seems to know it herself, because she is still frustrated by his behaviour.
ReginaFalange Posts: 10290
I agree with Weddingbelle on this. That man wouldnt last 2 minutes with me. I am so angry even reading about his behavious- never mind being on the receiving end of it. I will always work on my relationship and would never walk away from it lightly- it would take A LOT to make me do that. But 2 things I'll never put up with is infedility and abuse- be that verbal or physical.