maybe your right callalilly, just a big scary move to make and ive never been away from home for >4 wks before!! parents marriage has always been an unhappy one and i think thats why my friends are so important to me and maybe sometimes when u want people to like u that badly it can be a turn off!
I'm sure a bit of distance from your family home would suit you, whether you move north or not. Getting away is the main thing. It's hard to have to rely on a place that doesn't hold happy memories, and one that reinforces the insecurity of a bad relationship at that.
I wish you all the best in your new life together, wherever it may start.
So true, H... when I was at school I was desperate for people to like me, and I didn't have any real friends. Now I really couldn't give a toss because as long as I have the people that I really care about in my life (family, H2B and my 3 best girlfriends that I met about a month after I arrived here), what are the rest of them to me?
I think my 3 friends like me more because I don't need them for anything, but am happy to be there for them, whereas when I desperately needed friends not to be alone, desperation was all that you could see of me.
People admire strength and independence in other people. But they're very hard things to grow in yourself when you don't think they're there. Being clingy is a bad habit to break, but you know what, it is a habit, and not who you are. You'll break out of it in time once you get a bit more confident in yourself. I sort of cringe when I look back at how I used to be...
My sister moved up North from Limerick, which is about an 8 hour trip.
He had no interest in moving South, so she went to give it a go. She took a 3 month break from her mortgage and went on a trial basis, she got a job one week later and has never looked back.
They got married in October and have a beautiful house up there, which would be double the price in the South. She loves it and is very happy, which we are all shocked at because she loved her home and her friends down here.
Initially, I would have suggested doing what you're thinking of doing, (both meeting half way) but I think differently now.
By both people moving, then you are [b:8frj5c11]both[/b:8frj5c11] away from home, and that's going to be doubly hard. At least my sister has all his family up there with her, and that's great, especially now that she is pregnant.
I think long distance relationships can only work out if there's an end of the seperation in sight, it's very difficult otherwise because there's always questions hanging over you.
So to finally get to my point, I'd say move up, give it a go for 3 months and see how you feel then, one of you needs to do go, so just give it a shot, you've nothing to lose!
Ah honey, a shrill went through my spine when read your message. I was in exactly the same position as you are in now 2 years ago. I am from Dublin myself and my OH is from Tyrone. we commuted for awhile but realised a weekend relationship wouldn't work if we were going anywhere. i didn't want to get engaged and move up because it's a very long road back once you are engaged no matter where you are situate. Without giving my identity away, I moved to a border town which was about half an hour from him and rented a room in a house. It was lonliest thing I have ever ever done in my life and I cannot believe to this day that I did it. I knew nobody in this town. However, almost two years on I have settled into the town and my job. I made an effort to go out with some of the girls from work. i'm not overly crazy about some of them but you have to keep an open mind. I have a really close gang of friends at home and really miss them. It's also hard been away from family. it's not at all easy and takes alot of guts.
However, it was the best move I ever made. I moved up and gave myself a breather. I told my other half that we wouldn't be getting engaged until I was sure that I could "survive" here. At least if it went pear shaped we could just seperate without having the title of "she was engaged and broke it off".It wasn't baggage I wanted when I wasn't 100% sure. i go to Tyrone quite a bit and I've grown close to two girls there which is great. The great thing for you is that if you move to Drogheda or Newry you are about 45 minutes to Dublin. It's not like you are moving to Cork which is four hours away. Ireland is a tiny country now and the roads are great.
I got engaged there before Christmas and we are getting married next year. ok. the north doesn't seem ideal. In fact certain members of my family think that I shouldn't settle there but I am going with my gut. My other half is my soulemate and for work reasons he can't move towards Dublin so I am making the move. however, I made him promise that if I am utterly unhappy down the line and feel the need to have the support of my own family when children come along that we will move back.
Best of luck. Feel free to PM anytime.
I moved to Surrey (where my DH is from) almost two years ago. I would have considered myself a real "home bird" before that. I moved in with DH straight from my Mams house !! We bought our first house 5 mins from my mams house but when the opportunity arose to move to Surrey (because of his job) and we sold up and did it - it was SCARY but I love it here now. Miss family and friends (esp my best friend) but have made some lovely friends here too and I have settled well.
I think if you love your Fiance and he loves you then you can work this out - after all its about what the TWO of you want.
I moved to Spain and I regret it every day,but if it means i can be with my fiancee its worth it.
I hate being away from my friends and family and its so hard to meet people here...
Count your lucky stars girls that ye are only talking about moving within Irland...ye dont know how lucky ye are...
I moved from Leitrim to Meath, but i moved around so much since going to college that it didnt really affect me. It is only an hour from home tho. I couldnt move too far from my family. It is impt to have friiends and family around you or close by. I lived in Belfast for 4 years and loved it but would not live there forever, so i understand y u dont want to live in the north. I think d compromise ye agreed on is excellent, if it costs more to live here and we dont have the NHS so what, its day to day happiness that matters!
I moved to belfast two years ago to be with h2b(werre both from Kerry) its had its moments but over all dont regret a thing my own career has gone from strenghth to strenghth as has our relationship it is a hard decision to meke but it can work out really well
[color=purple:35looyxm]Personally I wouldn't move too far from my family & friends & my h2b wouldn't expect me to. He knows I'm close to my family.
It's unfair of him to ask you to move North when you were willing to compromise. Esp if he knows it would make you so unhappy. You relationship could suffer if you're not happy. I hope it all works out!
Sorry to ask, but what made you pick your user name? [/color:35looyxm]