Hubby to be past

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jennyki Posts: 3
Im in a bit of a dilemma at the moment. Basically to cut a long story short, my hubby to be told me that during his last relationship, they had a very very open relationship. The only reason that he told me he said is that he wanted to get it off his chest. Im very hurt about what happened even though it was before me and i slept in the other room last night. he is how in the next while and i dont know what to do when he gets back.
hunky_dorey Posts: 2714
why are you hurt? I don't get what the problem is? It is in the past. When you say open, do you mean he was just sleeping around when he was with his ex?
MrsWhippy09 Posts: 2346
I don't understand why you're upset? It was in his past, before he was with you so it doesn't affect your relationship. As long as he doesn't do it in your relationship than I wouldn't worry. I can undersstand that you would be a bit "put out" or shocked but please don't make him suffer for something that had nothing to do with your relationship. He obviously told you as he wants to be open and honest with you about everything, no secrets and all that..
papillon Posts: 1305
I disagree with the others in so far as I don't think your shock is that unreasonable to expect, Well, for a start I think it is quite strange that he has waited this long to tell you something like that! He waited until after you got engaged to tell you that he has had non monogamous relationships in the past. He should have told you sooner. But what's done is done. You now need to find out if you can move on from this. It's not unreasonable for you to seek assurances from him that he has no desire to have anything other that a fully committed monogamous relationship from now on. And you have to decide if you can put a line under this and move on, NEVER bringing it up again in the future. Big decisions. Best of luck!
monkeybear Posts: 1926
Do you not htink he has told you this cos he just wants everything out in the open, maybe he didnt tell you before cos he was embarrassed about it, and with you being engaged he wanted no ghosts in the closet to come out in the future. He's just being honest i understand its not nice to hear and that you feel hurt and a little shocked, but take comfort in the fact he told you, He Loves you and wants to marry you and spend the rest of his life with you!!!
Nutella-addict Posts: 26
I wouldn't worry about it, it's in his past. As long as he hasnt asked for an open relationship with you. I can understand why he wants to tell you, he had obviously reached a point where he feels you are happy enough with him to not leave him over something like that from his past. My DH and I have an incredibly honest relationship, but we don't discuss past relationships, those have no bearing on our own relationship. He doesn't even how how many people I slept, he never asked me and I never told him, simply because it's history! Cut your fella some slack... It must have taken him enormous strength to tell you you what he told you. You'll get over it just fine and move on from here and have a very happy future together, I'm sure!
jennyki Posts: 3
Thanks for the advice. I made him sleep in the other bed last night as Im still a bit shocked. Keep having images of him and her with other couples is making me sick. Anyway, I suppose I will have to forgive or move on but cant get over the shock.
papillon Posts: 1305
[quote="jennyki":11tdsvp4]Keep having images of him and her with other couples is making me sick. .[/quote:11tdsvp4] Sorry, let me get this straight, are you saying he was in an open relationship or a swinging relationship??? :ooh There's a big difference
jennyki Posts: 3
Swininging one but whats the difference.
joer Posts: 1617
oh lordy, see where you're coming from, I'd be abit upset too at the thoughts of other women, even if it was in the past, I'm only human and hate to think that he ever even looked at another person, never mind went out with one! can I just say that you should both get checked out for sti's if not already done so.