Money Issues - V sorry but its quite an essay! - Page 4

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MrsKA Posts: 878
[quote="MrsWhippy09":2kw1wf5w] You're not in the wrong pet at all. I mean looking for €3 change is just taking the biscuit. He is being totally unreasonable and the way he speaks to you is quite [b:2kw1wf5w]patronising[/b:2kw1wf5w]. He speaks to you like he is speaking to child which is not acceptable. He should be treating you as his equal in your relationship, and not an inferior being, regardless of finances etc. Don't let him walk all over you. You need to have a chat with him before his behaviour spirals out of control and to save your own sanity.[/quote:2kw1wf5w] I Have to totally agree with MrsWhippy09 it sounds very patronising the way he is treating you. I have seen so many people change in relationships. I think you have to live with someone before you truely know them. he thinks you have a better life with him because he has money than you had before which I would take great offence to. Money obviously doesn't make people happy. He seems to have gotten very scrimpy for no reason whatsoever. you need to ask him why he is acting this way and if he doesn't give you a reasonable answer I think you need to reassess the situation. Do you really want to live your life fighting over €3. I mean come on your not kids. Best of Luck.
Curly Miss Posts: 473
[quote="architec":s1basio5]I don't think your H2B has a grasp on reality. This is NOT how adults behave to their intended brides. This is NOT how people in a relationship deal with finances. I find it strange that he is banging on about being 'a man of honour' - his honour isn't in question here...I think you need to discuss this immediately - this is very odd, in particular some of his statements, so much so that I'm beginning to suspect that someone has said something to him about his money or your motives, perhaps in all innocence, or possibly you may have inadvertently done something that has called the whole finances issue into question. Tread carefully, ask him direct questions that he cannot get out of answering honestly, and listen to him - we don't know what has caused this upheaval in his personality, so he may have a very good (albeit misunderstood) reason for acting in such a strange manner.[/quote:s1basio5] Have to agree with architec on this - a serious talk is needed.
corkteacher Posts: 1
never posted before but your message struck a chord with me, a similar situation in that I earn less than my H2B and yet find myself going halves alot. I want to be an equal partner and don't wish to be beholden to a man. However I too would have to draw the line at a five star hotel, that would be beyond many girls including myself. What can I say except have things out with him, lay it all out there regarding money, bills and actual disposable income because after all that is what determines one's lifestyle. If he's the one he'll try to understand and come to a resolution that works for both of you where you're not under pressure to keep up and he's not feeling he has to pay for everything. good luck!!
lets go fly a kite Posts: 2388
Any chance he doesn't have the income he says he does or has debts? Maybe he's trying to cover up the fact that he's broke.
gerbil Posts: 3528
tbh it sounds as if he has a chip on his shoulder about the whole issue of money, he sounds as if he resents something about the way you and he ahve handled money issues. Maybe he simply needs to be reassured that you are financially responsible? in that he's got it into his head that all the finances fall on him? I really think you talk about it all, you might be surprised by his pov and what's bugging him, might not be as psycho as it sounds O-O
goldyp Posts: 26
I honestly don’t think that he has money troubles at all tho I suppose it could be a possibility but one thing I am sure about is his income (tho as Ive said before I don’t know exactly what it is, just knowing the level he’s at in his career, it would be substantial). And if he did have money troubles wouldn’t you think he could just spit it out. Gerbil as you say it just sounds like he has a major chip on his shoulder and doesn’t like spending. Finances don’t all fall on him, I pay my way and when I was on my own for 2 years before we met I managed perfectly well, I have a home, a job, a car and always had a holiday. Im actually very good with money but as I didn’t have a huge amount of disposable income I budgeted very well and lived within my means. Im very independent and can take care of myself. So I don’t know why he’s got a bee in his bonnet about something that he set the scene for in the first place ie. treats, paying for stuff etc. and actually not letting me pay. Last night I could hardly get a word out of him so didn’t feel he was in the mood of a “chat”. He just stared at the TV making the odd comment about what he was watching. Hes definitely being funny with me. Im always the one to say “look we need to have a talk about something”. He will never initiate the conversation tho he generally has plenty to say when probed. Then he always acts like the injured party and obviously Ive brought up the conversation cos Im the guilty party trying to sort out something that Im in the wrong for. That why Im supposed to be a mind reader and am killing myself here trying to think what the hell is going on. Because if I don’t bring up the subject then it just doesn’t get talked about. Are all men like this? O:|
gerbil Posts: 3528
not all men but enough of them to make it a cliché O-O I think he has got some maggot in his head - could ye go somewhere nuetral and just chill out for the evening and see if he will open up? either that or sit him down and say straight out that you have had enough of the digs at your financial situation and would he spit it out, whatever it is (I can be very undiplomatic myself :))
glowgal Posts: 949
You really need to sit him down and find out what is going on. It sounds from your posts like theres more going on in his head than hes letting on. Sorry to say this but maybe his behaviour has nothing to do with the money issue and he is using this as a reason to pick fights with you..? A sudden change in behaviour is not normal and you need to get to the bottom of it.
Callalily Posts: 325
I agree with autumnbridetobe, it does sound like there's a lot more happening behind the scenes and the money issue is just the scum on the surface, to mix my metaphors. It sounds sort of familiar to me. You can of course decide for yourself whether I might have a point or not, but... Man is afraid of confrontation (never starts discussions even when something is blatantly wrong) Man is unhappy Man wants out Man has absolutely no intention of having to do the breaking up if he can possibly avoid it Man is making himself deliberately unpleasant Man is picking fights and being in-your-face grumpy Man is just hoping you will do the hard work of initiating the break up yourself. For the doubters, I have known, or known of, both men AND women who adopt this tactic when they want out but don't want to confront the problem! One of my bf's mates is adopting this tactic at the moment and I feel so sorry for his girlfriend, by all accounts she's very sweet but he just doesn't want to be with her so is trying to make her go away without having to dump her... (he's 30 but very immature but that goes without saying!).
Reecespieces Posts: 927