Money Issues - V sorry but its quite an essay! - Page 5

Thanks to everyone for all the advice. Callalily, Im actually that you might be right as he seems to be pushing me away and if he is in fact doing that then Im fast losing all respect for him. Im totally at the end of my rope as I feel like Im in limbo and am getting nowhere. We still haven’t talked. Last night I was determined to get to the bottom of it but he was working late, when he got home, he had a bite and then got stuck in front of the TV. I said “lets just put on some music there’s nothing on TV” as I was trying to encourage a conversation. He said he didn’t fancy listening to music but practically said nothing to me, I asked was he ok, was something on his mind as he is being so distant, he said “no”. I asked again as of course I wasn’t convinced. I said please tell me whats going on with you. He said in a louder voice “ive already told you - nothing – and maybe youd like a hat trick and ask me again”! Then he said he was tired and was going to bed, so that was the end of that. This morning still not much in the way of conversation. Im feeling sick at this stage, I cant function, im in work and I cant concentrate and I cant stop crying, I just wish I could go home. Why are men like this why don’t they have the guts to say whats on their mind. Now he is going out tonite and probably tomorrow night so Im going to lose my mind if I don’t get this sorted soon.

Goldyp you poor thing. I really do think you need to make a decision about where your relationship is going asap. He is making you miserable. He should be making you smile, not cry. You seem to be the only person who wants to work on the relationship and he doesnt seem to give a crap about anything but himself. I'm sorry but he sounds like an absolute pig! I wouldn't put up with that behaviour from anyone and the way he speaks to you is not acceptable! You need to sit him down and tell him exactly how you feel and if he is not willing to talk or open up to you, then I think you know what you have to do.

Hi goldyp, you poor thing, this has really escalated from when you posted first. I think he is acting like a total @sshole! I definitely wouldn't stand for it. I know when me and H2B have arguments (which are few and far between at this stage thank God) it does feel like the most awful thing in the world. I end up crying and being overdramatic about things. But it doesn't sound like you are being this way. He is treating you with no respect and that is definitely not what you deserve. We've all encouraged you to try to talk it out. And you have tried. His response has been so negative. If he is so tired from working how is he able to go out on a Thursday night! Maybe you need to give yourself some space. If he is going out for these nights why not go stay with a friend and have a few glasses of wine (the eternal solution of alcohol! ). You will drive yourself mad waiting at home for him and trying to figure out what he's been up to. I'd personally go home to my mum or go to a friend for a couple of nights. See what reaction this provokes from him...surely he'll know then ye need to talk and sort things out. I'm afraid that callalilly might be right about him pushing you away. But don't despair totally until you find out for sure. I think you deserve more anyway - try to turn your tears into determination to set things right for yourself and to get what you deserve. If there is no chance of talking within the next couple of days I think you should go to someone who cares for you and will give you good advice. Then demand to talk about things when you've got yourself together a bit. Be strong and good luck with everything!

The more I hear about this situation, the less I like it. Maintain some dignity, even if he IS hell bent in treating you with such disrespect. His rudeness is uncalled for, and for that alone he should be pulled up on it. The money issue seems to be a symptom of a basic dissatisfaction on his part. You have to discuss this, whether he wants to or not. Why are you 'waiting' for him to give you permission to talk about it? You should be firmer with this guy - you want answers, demand them. He has no respect for you (sorry to be so blunt, but I don't think he does) so you MUST insist on being treated with the respect you deserve - how DARE he treat you like this. I can't understand how you could let a guy speak to you like this and not react. Tonight, I wouldn't take no for an answer from this guy. If he says he doesn't want to talk about it, tell him that you want to discuss it, it's not all about what he wants, and that if he doesn't have the manners to give you his attention for a few minutes he's heading into very deep waters (keep the threats vague and mild - the threat of WW3 is no harm at this stage; you've tried being civil and rational, it got you nowhere, so now you need some affirmative action). Tell him you assumed he was an intelligent guy, but obviously you're wrong because he thinks a problem can be solved by ignoring it. Let him know that if he doesn't want to listen, you won't be sticking around for much longer, the relationship is dying and his refusal to face the issues is driving you away. Don't give him a get-out clause or an opportunity to change the subject. Be firm, be angry (but controlled) and be very strong. Demand respect rather than hope for it, demand to be listened to (again be controlled) and be tough - if he really wants to save this relationship he'll do whatever it takes, but if he remains to apathetic, I'd be tempted to walk away if I were you. And let him know this. If he wants the relationship to end, at least maintain some dignity by being the strong one who called time on the whole thing. Don't let him treat you like this anymore, it's terrible. I hope he DOES want to work at it, and that he starts to treat you better. I just think he needs some manners kicked into him - you don't need this.

Big smiles, don’t worry I don’t sit at home waiting for him and I will certainly be out tomorrow night and as you say I might even stay with a friend (tho the way things are at the moment he probably wont even notice or care!) It doesn’t matter what I do, its hard to get any kind of reaction from him. It just seems that it doesn’t matter what I say, do, think or feel, it has no bearing on him. The more I read the posts the more I realise how ridiculous this all is and Im beginning to sound really pathetic. Architec, Im not waiting for permission to talk, he just refuses or walks away. Its very hard to MAKE someone talk to you. Its obvious that Im just totally wasting my time if I cant demand that he treats me with respect. He is totally disrespectful and Ive never allowed anyone to treat me like this and I know I deserve better. I was just convinced this was a glitch as he hasn’t always been like this but Im not a total idiot I will not put up with it. I will do my bit to try and sort it out and if this fails I will get out very quickly. I don’t take bullsh*t from anyone in my life, Im well able to stand up for myself but this man is having none of it. No crying this afternoon just getting angry!

Just reading this now. Seems the situation has escalated to more than a chat about finances. Goldyp- how are things now? Have you had a chat with him yet? Hope you are staying strong and for what its worth, you don't sound pathetic at all, in fact you sound very capable, strong and independant. As you said you survived before him and you will do the same again if the need arises.

Well I still don’t know where I am and this has escalated out of all proportion. Last Friday morning first thing we started having a fight (cant remember what about) and Im just so frustrated at the moment, I said as soon as we get home after work tonite I want to talk. I cried in work all day long thinking Im just going to get out of this relationship. When we got home he said what did I want to talk about but he was in a really cranky mood and I honestly hadn’t the energy for a fight and I just said I wasn’t feeling well and could we talk the next day. Saturday it didn’t happen cos he didn’t have time and we went out with the gang that night, when we got home he started another fight about a male friend of mine who we bumped into that night and he wanted to know if he was ever more than a friend (that’s all he ever was as he is engaged and due to be married shortly – friends nothing else). This has come up before and he says Im lying and that maybe I had been cheating on him in the early days as it’s a small town and he heard something about me that he didn’t like! This is total bull and he knows it. I said how dare he make such accusations and call me a liar. He says he is not satisfied and he wants me to ask this couple over for dinner or to meet up for a drink (if this guy is such a good friend of mine why can I not ask him) and thinks I must be guilty of something if I dont ask. Now Im not going to put my friend in the position of being bombarded with questions from H2B(?) to satisfy his insecurity. Girls, this is getting ridiculous don’t you think. So there was very little communication on Sunday. More fighting on Monday about something else and he is being really distant all week – civil so I cant accuse him of ignoring me but totally detached. When he is like this it’s the worst time to try and talk. No card, no flowers, no text today. I sent a card to him in work by courier this morning and he didn’t even acknowledge it. So the money subject is just one of the many symptoms and Im still no wiser about whats going on. Will keep u updated.

You should dump him. Sorry, but he is treating u like crap - nobody deserves that.

If you can't even convince him to talk about these issues, it's worse than I imagined. And now he's thrown this 'suspicion' into the bag for good measure...I'd just leave, tbh. He might want to end things, but hasn't the balls to do it, and perhaps by mistreating you, he's getting you to do the dirty work. Alternatively, he may be nuts! Or just a cranky and unpleasant character, who's got the woman he wants so now he will keep her by means of control. Regardless of his motives, however, the fact is that you are unhappy and he is unwilling to change his behaviour. I don't think that's a recipe for a happy marriage, do you? And I disagree that you should sit through his 'practical days' - it's seems more than a phase, it's as though he doesn't regard you as warranting better treatment. There must be compromise in this scenario - but he is calling all the shots and you are forced into reacting, there's no give or take here... I hope you can work things out, and that if you cannot, you'll recognise that it is time to leave and that you'll have the courage to do so. best of luck