Need your help, question of honesty

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Anon104 Posts: 6
Hi Girls, i need your help. Had to go ANON for this. A long time ago before i met my H2B i had an STI. I had chlamydia. I don't know how long i had it as it was picked up on a regular Smear Test. I was treated with antibotics and never told anyone. My problem is I've never told H2B either and as our Pre marriage course is coming up, i'm afraid i'm not being honest. I want to tel him. My H2b is very old fashioned and i know he won't take it well. But i feel, if we have problems with fertilty later and it comes out then it would be worse. He'l feel i've lied and married him on a lie. Do you think i should tell him? Do you think i should keep quiet? I think you can buy fertility tests online, should i try one and find out first? Thanks, i don't know who else to ask.
cabbage Posts: 19
anon i think you should tell him as if you have fertility probs, and hopefully you won't, it will come out then. BUT i dont understand why he would be mad with you - it could happen to anybody - and you're not marrying him on a lie, sounds a bit melodramatic to me - its just something that doesn't really come up in conversation. I'm sure he will understand when you tell him and I'm sure it won't affect your fertility chances either! Good Luck
Laila K Posts: 593
I would tell him, as I'd hate if he hid something like that from me. It's actually a very common thing and shouldnt affect your fertility if you had it and then took something for it, so don't worry that way! I know someone who had it and it was cleared up and the doctor said it was something that he's even come across in nuns - they have sworn blind they didnt sleep with someone and they had it! (haha!!) So if I were you, I'd mention it and try not make a big deal about it, but say you felt you should be open about everything and this has been playing on your mind.
bolababy Posts: 706
I think you should probably tell him, I suppose these are the things (in my opinion) that you should be able to share with your spouse. It is very common. Believed to be present in up to 15%of female population. (studies havent been done in men), so really nothing to be embarrassed or ashamed about. I think it would be very unreasonable for him to be cross with you. But for openess you should prob share. Dont buy a fertility test on line, they are rubbish. The only way to know if you have fertility problems as a result of chlamydia is to have a laporoscopy or a test called a HSG, both of which wouldnt be done unless you were having actual fertility problems. Really this is a non-issue so dont let this play on your mind, especially when you do start TTC.
Anon104 Posts: 6
Thanks a million girls for taking the time to help me. He'l have to be told, i know ye think he'l be ok about it but i know he won't. he is very old fashioned. i'l just have to get it over with... thanks
happyfamily Posts: 3323
You do have to be honest with him but if he's in any way a reasonable man then he shouldn't have any issue with this at all. Is he a virgin? Has he ever had an STI test? He could very well have chlamidya and not even know. Yours got picked up because of your smear. Just explain to him that you really want him to know everything and he should appreciate your honesty. You've nothing to be ashamed of. Very few people are virgins before marriage and anyone can catch an STI.
Anon104 Posts: 6
Well i thought i had some time to think of what to say but last night we were having a chat about some things and i had to tell him. Can't believe i've done it now and it's such a weight off. He was fine. He listened to me, asked a couple of questions and thanked me for telling him. he did throw in how it took me 4 years.... but i explained. He gave me the biggest hug and kissed me. I cried a little but only cause i have the best H2b in the world. I know he'l have other questions for me but i feel so much better now. Thanks for all the advise. :wv
too soft Posts: 518
delighted it went well for you anon and you dont have to be worrying now,it true what the saying says honesty is the best policy! : :wv
happyfamily Posts: 3323
Oh i'm so happy that weight is off you! And he took it well. Good for you! Full steam ahead to the wedding now :o)ll
Kickasswife Posts: 4051