Please help me am so worried and embarrassed.

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Worried 2 Posts: 2
Hi all This is not spam. I am not a man . I am getting really worried and anxious about this so please reply with opinions no matter how honest or blunt... I have two problems first of all is that I can not perform oral sex on my partner I was violently raped and nearly killed and the guy who raped me wanted me to do that at the point where he tried to kill me and ever since then the sight of a penis that close and the smell sends me into raw fear. The problem is that although my partner respects this he does not understand it and every so often he asks or I know he wants it and I know this is not going to go away once we are married... He has stopped pressurising me for it but has mentioned it on occassions and I have just told him I cant. but I know he really wants it and I feat it is going to be a constant issue. The earth never moves for us ( my fault due to the attack) I can't fully relax etc but it is fulfilling all the same but I feel this and the fact that he likes to help him along with my hand which I also hate for the same reasons... is going to come between us and I hope it does not because I love him to bits. Also he loves getting his nipples kissed etc, really wants me to concentrate on it alot of the time we make love, I have never come accross this before, is this normal or is this a sign he might be gay? I am really confused and getting all the more upset about it all the time . I can't talk to anyone as they all know him and I do not think it would be fair on him... Please help me We are both not very experienced lovers... I am really confused and upset
Gemma 2 Posts: 72
I know someone close to me who was raped and can get that allright. She sat her partner down and explained that she needs to be in a safe place when they are together and make love and can never feel fear around him and their love life slowly improved... Once he realised that there are scars there that will never heal for you and he has to make sure he does not re-open them... it will work out... Contact the Rape Crisis Centre too I am sure they will be a lot of help... As for the nipple thing.. I think it is just a fettish and do not think that it means anything gay. Are there other reasons you think he is gay. Maybe other people could tell you what the other signs are if they exist. Hope that helps..
Ficidy Posts: 1753
Gemma gave you great advice there - you need to talk to him and you also need to get some counselling (even if you've already been to someone I think you need to get more counselling). With regards to the nipple issue - I wouldn't worry about it. I've known a few men who have very sensitive nipples and it's very normal. I think some men have more sensitive nipples than women!! I'd really just forget about this bit - it certainly doesn't mean he's gay! Best of luck sorting things out. I hope everything works out for you.
Mayeston Posts: 315
i'm with the above posters on the advice for counselling. with regard the nipple thing...nope pretty much any man i've been with has loved them being touch and himself really needs them being touched for it to be any good for him. Not a sign of being gay at all. They have more sensitivity that the scrotum actually for a lot of men.
BusyDee Posts: 8527
Worried 2 Posts: 2
Thanks everyone I think I need to speak to someone allright... Don't get me wrong he is great and was very patient with me, it is just I get flashbacks sometimes and it just makes me so scared ( daft to be scared of him because he is so good to me) but am not scared of him it is like my subconscious is doing the thinking for me... I know he would never harm a hair on my head but it does not stop me from being scared and reacting badly to things.. I still can't bear someone coming at me from behind I always have to see people coming etc... As for the nipple thing thanks too that is great reassurance...never knew it was such a thing for them;o)
MeSB Posts: 3785
Hepburn Posts: 4081
I don't think anyone on here is qualified to help with your main problem but the nipple thing is definitely not weird at all. They are erogenous zones for both sexes.