Really upset

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chocolatel Posts: 10
Hi eveyone, I am so upset right now. Had a big massive arguement with my OH. He keeps putting me down telling me i am not doing enough and i feel i am doing everything. I feel i am planning this wedding on my own and i am sick shit of it. Then he keeps saying i am treating him like shit and i feel he is totally taking me for granted. So sick of feeling so needy and i feel the more i am trying to make things work the worse they are. Really dont know what to do anymore. I am so upset. Any advice????
sona sasta Posts: 585
Really sorry to hear that :o( Can you go through the list of jobs to be done with him, ask him does he want all of these things (e.g. might be happy to leave out some things like flowers, car) and then half the jobs between you? Why does he think you are treating him like sugar? [quote:208annm4]So sick of feeling so needy and i feel the more i am trying to make things work the worse they are.[/quote:208annm4] I know how that feels sometimes, hopefully if the jobs are more spread oout between ye, ye might be on more of an equal footing. Hugs :xox
chocolatel Posts: 10
Hi June 09 thanks for your reply. Sometimes he seems really interested. Then other times i feel as if he is trying to block it out we are getting married or something. Then i ask him is he sure he wants this and he says yes it is. I just feel so needy, it is horrible. My problem is also that he has alot of single friends and it is like he is doing me a favour by doing something with me. I really am sick of it. I feel like a cling on and i feel the more i am acting like this the more he wants to be doing his own thing. I just really dont know what to do.
ring_eir Posts: 185
Hi chocolatel, Sorry to hear about your row and that you are upset :action32 What I was not clear about from your post was, what exactly is your H2B complaining about? What does he want you do more of - planning for the wedding? As OP said, the best thing is to split the chores. Make a list of stuff to do and divide it between you, that way it is easier for things to be equal. When he says you treat him badly, what does he mean exactly? Have you asked him? Regarding the 'neediness', as you say yourself the clingier you get the worse things are. I think you need to take a deep breath, step back a bit and try and look at your relationship objectively. The clingier you are, the more he will move away, it's as simple as that. Get out there, meet friends, have a girls night out, give yourselves a bit of space. I guarantee you that it works the other way too, the more space you creat between you the more he will come to you. Hope you get a good night's sleep and things look brighter in the morning :thnk
chocolatel Posts: 10
Hi there, He is actually complaining saying i do nothin and constanly putting my cleanoing down. His Mam used to do everything for him. He does stuff when i ask but sick of having to ask and to be homnest i freaked out today and called him alot of names in a temper and athats why he said i treated him like sh**t. He just drives me so mad. I feel i am planning the whole wedding by myself. So sick of it and not being appreciated and the more i feel unappreciated the more i am clingy looking for reassurance i suppose. It used never be like this. He used always be the 1 suggesting we do this and that and now everything we do i suggest and plan nearly a week in advance so he wont go off out. I really do love him and he is so good but lately i dont know what is going on. My head is all over the place.
jellywellies Posts: 2268
It semi sounds like he just wants you to be his mum!! Pick up after him and get on with it. Does he realise that he is the other party in the wedding and that he has to pull his finger out too!! He kind of needs to talk through wedding plans - agreeing with previous posts that it needs to be split. It sounds to me that you are "needy" with him to find out his opinion on the wedding since he isn't imputting. x O:o)
gerbil Posts: 3528
Chocolatel, it doesn't sound as if he respects you; there is no way that the man you're engaged to should "put you down" and criticise everything you do, that's not a healthy relationship. Is that really how you want to spend your married life? never mind organizing the wedding, i would leave that to one side for the moment, and address the relationship. You have to book him a week in advance or he'll go off out on his own? you need to sit down with him and have this out - it sounds as if either he doesn;t want to get married/be in a relationship at all or he thinks a marriage means he gets to do whatever he wants and you put up with it.
Trixy3 Posts: 2041
Chocolatel I am sorry to hear what you are going through.... Maybe he needs a good boot up the ass.... Next time he starts give as good as you get, you sound like you have a lot of anger built up inside you over this, speak your mind to him and let him know exactly how upset you are :action32
ceedy Posts: 67
If you think he's the type of man to sit down with you and talk when things are calmed down then try have a little chat? Sometimes when we are shouted at by our loved ones we end up very emotional and in total disbelief as to why and why and why etc. I know because this happened to me. If he's never done this type of thing before he may be stressed about the whole thing but shouting back and 'giving as good as you get' achieves little other than to ad fuel to the flames. Maybe I'm a wimp, but I don't 'fight back' or shout the odds even when it's coming at me as I don't want to say things I may regret and not be able to clean up after... As with most rows between couples getting married, it tends to simmer down and once one person makes the move to say sorry and offer a hug then the other should try accept and move on. Please God when you're sitting down 30 yrs from now watching tv you'll be laughing at the type of things you both got worked up over and fell out about. However, if he doesn't apologise for his put downs etc and thinks you've no reason to be upset, you've a bit more of a problem than just day to day couple nerves and snipping to deal with. Although sometimes a problem shared is a problem halved. Best of luck :wv
lemon21 Posts: 366
chocolatel i know how you feel. my h2b is the same, not getting involved in the planning of the wedding at all. ment think this will happen overnight. we need to sit down with them and tell them exactly how we feel.most men dont realise these things that we are hurting and upset