the sex subject

Now I know its been asked millions of times before but people always seem to get PMs so I can never find out whats been said. So here goes basically we've been together nearly 3 years living together for most of it everything was perfect in the begining as everything is and then bang Ive no interest what so ever. Its now driving me mental he thinks Im not attracted to him and dont want to be in the relationship etc etc and he gets down in the dumps from the emotional side of things. I go to bed now most nights before him. This also happened to me in a previous relationship I was in for many many years and he ended up go off with someone else as a result. I dont think I could handle that again. An suggestions and help greatly appreciated ladies . thanks in advance

Maybe it you and not him. Like I find when things aren't going well in work, then I'm not interested. I think its because most of my self esteem comes from the value I perceive in my work so when work's not going well, I feel crap and unattractive so I don't feel like it. So maybe its a confidence thing for you from another area in your life. My partner loves me and is very affectionate but it doesn't make any difference when I feel crap and unsuccessful at work.

nope its definately not him. I think he was a rabbit in a past life. I have no sex drive what so ever... blank natta zippo....

Are you on the pill? When I was on the pill I was the same but things drastically improved when I came off it !

I can't offer any advice on you sex life per se as I'm no expert. But I do think its a good idea to go to bed at the same time as him at lease 2-3 a week. I think its important intimate time to chat, open up and cuddle. And who knows what else..

Day to day life is exhausting and sometimes sex is the last thing you want to initiate. The mood isn't there but if you're waiting for the mood to materialise then you might be left waiting. Personally i think just initiating it or just going with it when he approaches you will get you in the mood and will make him feel like you're still attracted to him. When i didn't live with himself i felt like the walk to his (we lived mins apart) got me in the mod. I dressed sexily in my place and was already in the mood when i arrived....i was on! (for lack of a better word) I had got myself in the mood by thinking bout it and dressing for it. Now we live together and if i want to get into somethingsexy i have to do it when he's in another room or he has to wait till i get ready. It is tiring and sometimes i think everyone would like to just fall asleep but sex isn't just about sex...it's about intimacy, communication and giving the other person the feeling that you want them. I know people have different sex drives but i do think it's important to try and meet your partner's in soem way. Can i ask how many times a week? And you say at the start it was perfect. What is perfect in your eyes? Does he say it used to be perfect? What has changed?

Lack of libido can also have a physical cause i.e. hormonal. You could go to your GP and get your hormone levels checked. There may be a medical solution. Certainly if you've been like this for years I doubt it's a reaction to current stress. So a trip to your GP may well be interesting. One thing for sure though, you need to take it seriously. This is not the type of problem that just goes away or miraculously cures itself unfortunately. And it can be a killer for relationships.

[quote="sillysocks":1tqfzqfa]Are you on the pill? When I was on the pill I was the same but things drastically improved when I came off it ![/quote:1tqfzqfa] I was going to ask this myself - this had a huge bearing on us and as soon as I gave it up I was in better humour and back to normal in bedroom dept!!

Im not on the pill ladies. Im under no stress at the moment I avoid it at all costs I take things as they come and try not panic. It varys regarding how often it would happen now its been a month but other times it could be 3-4 times a week or just once a week. Its really frustrating for both of us he doesnt understand and then thinks its all him. He wouldnt have the best stamina to keep going if you get me and then thinks its all down to that, but its always been that way for him so Im used to that. We would go to bed at the same time maybe 3 nights and most nights have a great giggle or just relax reading.

Well that might have a little to do with it. Can you manage to orgasm before he finishes? It's not all about coming but it generally is the incentive so you might be not bothered if you're not getting to finish. Can i also say that it doesn't have to be full sex....sometimes you could just use your hands or you mouth.