Will I ever forget?

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Magpie26 Posts: 4
Hi all, Basically I need to get this off my chest and there aren't many people I can talk to about it as I don't want people to think badly of my fiance. We've been together now for six & a half yrs, we're due to be married in June coming. About this time last month, after a big night out, he was asleep on the couch, I don't know why I did this, it was stupid & wrong but I'm kind of glad I did, I looked through his text messages on his phone. I couldn't believe what I found, there were at least two women that he had been texting. He met them both through work, he's an engineer on a building site. One of the women had sent him semi naked pictures of herself, the second he had asked if she had wanted to meet up. Unfortunately, I panicked and never took note of when the messages were sent and couldn't completely remember all the messages, I confronted him as soon as I found them and as soon as I left the room he had them deleted. He assures me that nothing ever happened with these women & he never met up with them outside of work. But I can't help wondering if that second one had agreed to meet up, how far would it have gone!? After a few days of not knowing what to do I decided I didn't want to throw away the past six years, also didn't want to lose his family, I love tham all dearly, as well as him. We seem to be doing well but deep down I'm still hurting & keep thinking about it when I'm on my own. I'm terrified that when I step into the church in June I'll still be thinking about it and I really don't want that to be the case. Any advice? Or has anyone been through anything similar?
RinkyDinkSlink Posts: 730
wifey4lifey Posts: 306
awh chick my heart goes out to you. i know that feeling you get in your heart, thumping out of your chest. its awful and like you i hate telling my family anything because ultimitley im afraid they'll hate him. but you really do need to tell someone, for me my grandmother is a great tower of sense and strength and always tries to be unbiased in her advice. Men are nothing like us women, what we think of as an absolute NO NO they dont even bat an eyelid. I mean if i saw one of my friends doing the dirty on her dp in a club id be like oh no that awful, your lousy, if a man saw his friend he'd be like right il keep shunt about it!!! now dont get me wrong on both sides there is exception to the rule!!! some women can be like men and some men god love them have hearts of gold. But anyway, you need to find out why he delted them texts, had he somethin to hide. when i foundt texts on a parnters phone he actually told me to ring them up and i did and it got sorted out . basically it was him being stupid but like i said you never know how far it would have went if it wasnt found out >:o( I would be so afraid and upset with a wedding so close. If you love him and are sure it would never happen again id say try and work things out, you dont say how he reacted as in was he really sorry, or kinda annoyed that you went thru his phone. is he a flirty type of guy normally? You need to have a big talk with him hun. men dont have as much of a conscionce as women. end of. Id say put the frighteners on him, tell him you need space, at least if he feels a tiny tiny bit of how hurt you are he might learn his lesson, either way hun i wish you the best, and know that a lot of people have been in your position at some stage, chin up lovey xx :action32 :lvs
lovelybones Posts: 884
Oh Magpie I'm so sorry this happened to you... I've been through something very similar too. Its absolutely heart breaking I hope your ok :action32 The circumstances were slightly different but i found out about what happened by text. After i found the texts on his phone i confronted him about it and he tried to deny it!! It made me so angry that he would lie to my face about it! I broke his phone into pieces... I'm not an agressive person but i swear to God I was like a woman posessed >:o( He eventually came clean about it and told me everything. It was a very difficult decision for me to stay with him because it killed me that the trust had gone, up to that point in our relationship i believed he was my knight in shining armour and that he would never cheat on me etc... it was devastating tbh and it took a really long time to get over it. We are married now and it hasnt been easy, in fact its probably one of the hardest things i've had to go through. I have not forgotten about what happened and i often think about it and get down about it. I love him with all my heart and I know he loves me too. I chose to forgive him and move on and put it behind us and thats what we've done. While i do think that it is a bit close to your wedding day to have to deal with all this, you may have a niggling doubt on your wedding day but then i suppose thats natural for a lot of people, not all relationships are perfect and like us all you do deserve to have someone you can trust and that loves you and will be loyal to you... At the end of the day, it is ultimately your decision if you want to forgive him and move forward. I would say that if you do decide to tell people, be prepared for them to tell you to dump him and that he's no good, it can affect how they feel about him but only you know your true feelings for your fiance. Take care of yourself hun, I know what its like, if you need to chat you can pm me anytime. :action32 :action32
msbelle Posts: 726
So sorry to hear this is happening to you, especially so close to your wedding. I have to agree with RDS, I think you should postpone your wedding for now and try to work thru this. Trust is the single most important thing in a relationship and if there is any doubt there it will eat you up! Best of luck hun whatever you decide x
kittysue Posts: 1016
Magpie26.....I'm soooo sorry for you.. That feeling in the pit of your stomach must be just awful...... :action32 I know you don't want to hear it but maybe like the other girls have said postponing might be the thing to do. I don't know where you would stand on deposits and all that stuff but hopefully you won't loose out too much. Why would he even keep those pics on his phone....??/// why??? >:o( >:o( >:o( There's a line.......and he crossed it..... :o( You don't deserve that.......Speak to a family member......coz it might help with you making the decision on what to do next.