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devastated by sisters actions/lies

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user going anon Posts: 3
hi girls, Im a regular user and am going anon on this one for the simple reason h2b sister user this site regularly and is aware of my user name. im in bits over this as are my family and i really dont knoe what to do anymore. In the last two weeks my younger sister has completly lost the plot. she has always been a wild child but settled down and was the nicest girl when she started going out with a guy but after 4 years that ended badly after he was cheating on her. they broke up in october and since then things have been awful, my sis was completly broken hearted and started taaking everything out on my mother, telling lies about her and distancing herself from everyone. she has a good job but didnt bother turning up for that for 4 days before xmas and was refusing to tell us where she was. eventually she opened up to me and i went and got her and brought her home and helped her get her job back. we really thought that was the end of that and things would sort themselves out. we were all there for her and helped any way we coule but at the same time gave her the space she needed. she started drinking to the stage where she would just collapse. However last week we found out that she was skipping work again, eventually on wednesday she made contact with my cousin who does the payroll where she works telling her she was pregnant and that she badly needed her holiday pay, which was sorted out for her. however again she wouldnt answer the phone to any of us. i tried to ring/text her as did all the family, she was assured that things like this happen and that it was no harm we'd all help her any way we could. I called in sick to work on monday after finding out eventually where she was staying an hour away and when i went to the door(with my 3 year old daughter) she would not open the door, not even to let her niece in who had seen her throught the window and was crying for her. we stayed outside for a couple hours but she refused, didnt say anything just didnt come to the door. Anyway to cut a long story short a friend of hers agreed to meet me, i suspected there was something wrong when i started questioning her about the pregnancy wondering why my sister would not talk and was told that she is definitely not pregnant and this was all done because she was so desperate for money and wanted her holiday pay and was convinced my cousin would not say anything. promised her friend i would not say anything. Got a text of my sister last night saying shes not ready to talk yet as shes not keeping the baby and could i lend her the money for an abortion, 600 should cover it, her text was so sad and convincing i felt sick to the bottom of my stomach that she could sink so low and try and con money out of me.she used the excuse that she did not love the baby's father and she didnt want to be tied down to him. when i told my mother and my other sister what she had done they were so upset and do not want anything more to do with her. i refused the money ovbiuosly and were now waiting to hear what happensd next as she doesnt know that we all know the truth about her lies. ive no idea what to do and i feel so used and low, im in complete denial that my own sister could do this to us and all im looking for really is some advice.i cant stop crying about this and dont know whats gottwen in to her, realise she needs professional help but she'd never agree to this. to be honest i just feel like if i never saw here again it wouldnt bother me now. shes meant to be my bm as well but thats irrelevant now.<sorry this was so long>
BlushingB Posts: 1634
It sounds like your sister is having some kind of breakdown. I'm sure it would be the hardest thing for you all right now, but you honestly need to band together and get her some help. Can she stay with your parents, or a friend / family member who she feels safe with? When she's calm you need to all talk to her, very calmly, and let her know that you all know the truth. She really needs to speak to someone professionally too, maybe some counseling when she feels ready. She's hurt you all and it would be understandable that you may want to distance yourselves from her, but this isn't going to do any good for either side.
Goosey Posts: 387
That's such a terrible situation your whole family is in. I can't imagine what you are feeling. There's is obviously a reason your sister is doing what she is doing and asking for money, I can't imagine she is acting this way for attention. Could she have a substance problem or could she be in debt? I know you are annoyed and angry with her but I feel that you can't give up on her just yet. I know you are having a rough time but there is obviously something really deep affecting your sister and I dread to think what might happen to her if you give up on her now. The friend of hers that spoke to you - did she give any reason why she's being like this? Can you speak to the friend again?
nelly Posts: 1875
mental illness happens 1 in 4 of us and I think ffrom your description its your sisters turn. Communicate - don't judge and tell her if she wants money or support the only thing you need in return is the truth and she can tell you anything. Fact is its not easy having a breakdown so don't go judgemental on her. hard I know
BeachBride Posts: 310
Anon, From your post, it sounds to me like your sister may have gotten into using drugs, especially when you factor in the erratic behaviour and trying desparately to get money from any source possible. I have to say that it sounds like she's not ready to talk about her problems just yet and I know you're really worried about her but I can't see what more you can do for her at the moment if she is on a self destructive path. You poor thing, I can understand how worrying it is for you and all you can do is give love and support to your family until your sister is willing to get help for herself. Hope it works out for you. BB
GotPreggers Posts: 988
I'm sorry, I don't really have some advice other than to just keep letting your sister know that you are there for her. There is obviously something going on that she is not telling you, I'm sure in time that she will open up. I hope everything works out ok for you and your sister
Mrs Cuddles! Posts: 835
I wish I could give some constructive advice but all I can say is pretty much the same as everyone else, just be there for her and let her know you are there when she is ready to talk. I wouldnt give her any money, why is she so desperate for money, is it for drink or something? :action32
shobie Posts: 1437
What an awful situation for you. However I would try and remember that she has been through a huge emotional upheaval over the past few months and her reactions are a result of this. Although you and your family are hurt this is the time when she needs everyone the most. Just keep telling her you are there to help and wait it out. Eventually she will hopefully come round and you will be able to start helping her get back on her feet. Good luck
she Posts: 3298
[quote="BeachBride":3diw26f4]Anon, From your post, it sounds to me like your sister may have gotten into using drugs, especially when you factor in the erratic behaviour and trying desparately to get money from any source possible. I have to say that it sounds like she's not ready to talk about her problems just yet and I know you're really worried about her but I can't see what more you can do for her at the moment if she is on a self destructive path. You poor thing, I can understand how worrying it is for you and all you can do is give love and support to your family until your sister is willing to get help for herself. Hope it works out for you. BB[/quote:3diw26f4] i totally agree, i think she is looking for money for drugs....prob COKE....ive seen it so may times,,,,,,its mad. so many people are ruining their lives.......m aybe its time for as intervention with all your family......we had to do it with someone in my family....its not pretty but sometimes it works.....
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