Help with Work Situation

We've Moved!

Our wonderful discussion forums have now moved to Facebook...

Click to join us in our HIGM ("Help I'm Getting Married") group!

luckylass1 Posts: 477
Hi, I wanted to see if you guys were ever in this situation or if you could offer some advice. I have been in a new job for around a year now and when I joined my team, I found out I was working with another girl around the same age and was also getting married around the same time. Now for me, I thought instantly that this would be a positive that we would have this in common, but it didnt work out that way. I would bring in magazines for her and also some ideas for her re wedding planning and just trying to find some common ground. I can safely say in the last year she has not asked me one thing about myself, we work closely together and i am finding this hard. Even when I came back from honeymoon, no congrats or asking how honeymoon went, I ask her non wedding stuff related and she does answer but thats where it ends, she has no interest in what I am doing. This probably sounds very immature, but I just want to ask has anyone been in this situation, obviously we are not going to become the best of friends but surely she could be civil? I just want to make working with her easier than, me asking everything and getting nothing in reply or to sit in silence for the entire day Any help would be great!
stillwaiting4 Posts: 48
Ok, I understand that you had hopes of a friendship here, and that you might like a chat in work, but from the sounds of it she is being civil - you don't mention her being in any way nasty to you. Some people just don't have any interest in being friends with the people they work with, and some people just don't like small talk, and are happier to just sit in silence and work away. Its unfortunate that your approaches are so different, but you can't force the girl to change, and to talk to you. I know you might be uncomfortable, but I suggest just leaving her be, and talking to somebody else in your office instead. I say this because I'm quite quiet in work, I don't often initiate a conversation because I like to focus and just get the job done. I have friends at home that I talk to, and if I don't feel I've anything in common with the people around me, I just don't talk. Because I hate small talk.. i'd rather just stay quiet!!! I don't think you should take it personally - people are just different in how they view work and the people they work with.
excitedBTB10 Posts: 35
Hi, Oh I really feel for you. I was in a similar situation when I moved teams about a year before the wedding, 4 girls took instant disliking to me and made it their business to make me feel soooo uncomfortable, they completely ignored the fact I was getting married, the wedding and the honeymoon. The rest of the girls on the team were lovely but it was hard. I came back from my hen and none of them asked me how it went, even when those awkward silences came at lunch.. nada!! After the wedding none of them said congrats, asked me how it went etc... its horrible really and its very hard to ignore. Advice!!!!! ... well after a long time I realised those girls are not girls I would like to be friends with and I wouldnt treat anyone the way they treated me so why bother with them!!! I ignore them now, civil to them when it comes to work but I dont dare ask them anything about their private lives or even bother to spark up a conversation. You need to do the same. I feel so much better for it now, they dont get to me like they used and so they have no effect on me anymore. If shes not interested shes not interested for whatever reason... its complete ignorance!! You just need to learn to ignore it and remember you're a better person than her! When someone else gets married your advice will be invaluable im sure and much more appreciated. Help someone who deserves it :) :custum59 Hope Ive helped .... just remember to not let them get to you ... its a form of bullying so dont let them get the better of you ... good luck :wv
Mrs W Posts: 2923
I know how u feel there! I used to work with a pair of bitches who did nothing but slag off my wedding, meal choices, venue, dress, invitations etc I shared an office with 1 and the other used to sit there half the day talking and then they'd complain I wasn't doing enough work!
Daisy Day Posts: 376
[quote="excitedBTB10":10afud03] Hope Ive helped .... just remember to not let them get to you ... its a form of bullying so dont let them get the better of you ... good luck :wv[/quote:10afud03] Ah I think this is a bit harsh now! She is not being bullied! Like Sept2012 said if the girl is being perfectly civil to you but just doesn't want the relationship to go any further than being civil work colleagues you can't force her to! Some people are just like that - my entire office is like that - everyone comes in, does their 9-5 hours, is civil but not friendly and that's it! Makes for a rubbish atmosphere in fairness but I do also understand why people want to just do their work and go home. OP if your friends and family are excited about your wedding and ask you questions and chat about it all the time then just be grateful for that and leave this girl off to herself. You don't know her (as she's not letting you get to know her) but she could have anything going on in her mind or not be good in social situations or all sorts. You just don't know!