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If he hit you? - Page 13

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Martiespride Posts: 997
not sure, its never happened to me. it happens to my aunt all the time and after 18 years and 4 kids she is still there so no one can judge. i would like to think i would get the hell out of there or better still get him to leave...
number1cat Posts: 369
There's no such thing as a one-off when it comes to assaulting one's partner (that goes for women as well as men). If you forgive them, you're letting them get away with an assault that would have them in court if they did the same to someone in a street or any publicly used premises.
lets go fly a kite Posts: 2388
[quote="number1cat":3gbkwpgn]There's no such thing as a one-off when it comes to assaulting one's partner (that goes for women as well as men). If you forgive them, you're letting them get away with an assault that would have them in court if they did the same to someone in a street or any publicly used premises.[/quote:3gbkwpgn] That's just not true. It's facile, naive and irresponsible to say it is.
curliwurli Posts: 3369
when h2b and i were in australia we joined a tour group for a week to travel through the outback and on the last night he got absolutely polluted (doing shots of JD and Jagermeister which he never drinks normally) anyway later that night in our tent when i woke him up to make him move over so i could lie down he got really aggressive and hit out at me and bruised my arm. i went mad at him and kicked him out of the tent where he woke up the following morning without a clue as to what happened. it took me ages to calm down after that and i know people say drink is never an excuse but it was more like he didn't even know it was me at the time and was more angry at being woken up then angry at me IYKWIM. he has no recollection of it happening but he started crying when he saw the bruise on my arm and i told him how i got it. that was almost 5 years ago and there has been nothing close to that behaviour since from him so i do believe in once offs. however i do also firmly believe in getting straight out of a violent or abusive relationship - i saw my own mother go through it for years until she left.
lovindis Posts: 642
[quote="lets go fly a kite":2si25ri6][quote="number1cat":2si25ri6]There's no such thing as a one-off when it comes to assaulting one's partner (that goes for women as well as men). If you forgive them, you're letting them get away with an assault that would have them in court if they did the same to someone in a street or any publicly used premises.[/quote:2si25ri6] That's just not true. It's facile, naive and irresponsible to say it is.[/quote:2si25ri6] Just curious as to why you think number1cat is being naive and irresponsible?? Seems she has quiet a good point! You cant assault someone on the street be it a punch or a push so why should someone get away with it just because it wasnt witnessed by a third party. Apologies in advance if i have misread your responce
scotswedding Posts: 2829
[quote="lovindis":37jlo5sf][quote="lets go fly a kite":37jlo5sf][quote="number1cat":37jlo5sf]There's no such thing as a one-off when it comes to assaulting one's partner (that goes for women as well as men). If you forgive them, you're letting them get away with an assault that would have them in court if they did the same to someone in a street or any publicly used premises.[/quote:37jlo5sf] That's just not true. It's facile, naive and irresponsible to say it is.[/quote:37jlo5sf] Just curious as to why you think number1cat is being naive and irresponsible?? Seems she has quiet a good point! You cant assault someone on the street be it a punch or a push so why should someone get away with it just because it wasnt witnessed by a third party. Apologies in advance if i have misread your responce[/quote:37jlo5sf] I think it was meant in regard to saying 'if they'd do it once they'd do it again'. The subsequent post by another wollie somewhat backs up this point.
JDD Posts: 1316
I don't agree that "if he does it once he'll do it again". I think everyone deserves a second chance. Just the one second chance though. The problems arise when women give a multitude of second chances. If he hit me a second time, even if it was years later, I'd walk. Children and married or not. Okay, it's a calculated risk, but if my H2B had shown no indications of violent behaviour to that point, and if it wasn't over something trivial, it wouldn't be a dealbreaker for me. We may have some trust issues, and it would take some time to get the relationship back on track, but I would imagine it would be worth it. I'd make him go to counselling with me. If he refused, well I'd know that he won't have seen it as a serious problem, which would indicate the likely chance of a reoccurence, and I may have to reassess my decision to stay. I'd imagine if I said in the heat of an argument "your mother's a wh*re" or "I scr&*ed someone else because you're sh*t in bed" or similar I wouldn't be surprised if he lashed out. Or, if in the original posters case, I hit him first. What makes it okay for me to lose my temper, lash out and thump him, and not okay for him to do the same? Yes, in the OP's case she hit him in the back and he slapped her across the face, and there are differences between men and women's strength, but the principle remains the same. She knew that he didn't mean to elbow her when he was putting on his coat, and yet she lashed out in anger all the same. It just shows you how easily things can lapse into violence, especially with drink taken. It looks like some counselling may be needed on both sides. I don't think it's fair to compare your partner hitting you to hitting one of your children either. If he hit you and you decide, on a calculated risk, to give him a second chance, that's your own lookout, your own decision. You have to be more prudent in making decisions about your children. You can't choose to take risks with them.
qisile Posts: 15
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Babybump2013 Posts: 271
Hi Sandie, i have not been in your position but if there is a problem maybe you could try ringing the Womens Aid Helpline. they are better placed to offer you the advice you might need and offer a listening ear. just googled them and their number is 1800 341 900. http://www.womensaid.ie/ HTH and it all works out.
lets go fly a kite Posts: 2388
[quote="lovindis":38f83max][quote="lets go fly a kite":38f83max][quote="number1cat":38f83max]There's no such thing as a one-off when it comes to assaulting one's partner (that goes for women as well as men). If you forgive them, you're letting them get away with an assault that would have them in court if they did the same to someone in a street or any publicly used premises.[/quote:38f83max] That's just not true. It's facile, naive and irresponsible to say it is.[/quote:38f83max] Just curious as to why you think number1cat is being naive and irresponsible?? Seems she has quiet a good point! You cant assault someone on the street be it a punch or a push so why should someone get away with it just because it wasnt witnessed by a third party. Apologies in advance if i have misread your responce[/quote:38f83max] She's trotting out a line from a teenage magazine to encourage a stranger to end a relationship she knows nothing about.