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If he hit you? - Page 4

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graceface Posts: 3632
I have to say that violence is probably the only thing that would, for definite, make me leave. I just could not trust him after that. My h2b is someone I want to have children with and whatever about me, if he's capable of lashing out like that at me, I do [i:3o0ddt36]not[/i:3o0ddt36] want him around my children. That and me da would probably kill him first anyway :o0 :eek
Sandie Posts: 91
Thanks for your replies girls. 'Right old pickle', i know you're right in what you're saying. If he's done it it IS in his character but i'm just so in shock that i can't get my head around it. We're together 5 years and he has never even so much as raised his voice to me. I do love him and am saying to myself 'i don't THINK he'd do it again' but how can i be sure?? I can't. There was alcohol involved and i honestly don't think it would of happened if he hadn't of been drinking. I have so many feelings going on. I love him and can't imagine things without him but i want him to go because 'what if' it happens again. I'm just so confused.
notmuch Posts: 14
My father is what I would call a violent man. He rants, raves, throws things, etc etc but he has NEVER laid a finger on my mother. I know of couples who haven't exactly 'slapped' or 'hit' one another but one fellas girlfriend threw a pint bottle at him (she missed) and another girl punched her fella in the stomach and he kicked her up the bum in retaliation. All these things done in a alcohol induced fury. Never would happen while sober. Couples are still happily together and in love. What about pushing and pulling (general man-handling) of each other when in a rage? Happens when couple argue but doesn't escalate to directly slapping or hitting. Where does this fit into the general scheme of things? As someone said what about if your hubbie/partner told you he cheated? On tv the wife/partner always reacts by pummelling him, slapping him etc? Should he walk away? I tend to agree with Lets go fly a kite. Things aren't always black and white.
Mrs.slightly bonkers Posts: 3289
Oh god what a situ to be in. I would first of all get drink out of. Tell him to give it up it dose not suit him. Go for some counselling. If you can get him to agree to either of these its a start. Only reason for the option's are you seem to want to sort it out. Just look after yourself. Best of luck.
Sandie Posts: 91
I should probably say that basically what happened was we were having words about a conversation we had recently and he got annoyed and jumped up to put on his jacket and whatever happened way he put it on his fist had hit me so i slapped him on the back and he slapped me 'round the face. I feel a bit silly now because as i'm writing that i don't know if it's a big deal or not? But then he went into a rage for about 40mins and punched a hole in the wall.
graceface Posts: 3632
[quote="Sandie":1d3xvgs6]I should probably say that basically what happened was we were having words about a conversation we had recently and he got annoyed and jumped up to put on his jacket and whatever happened way he put it on his fist had hit me [b:1d3xvgs6]so i slapped him on the back and he slapped me 'round the face.[/b:1d3xvgs6] I feel a bit silly now because as i'm writing that i don't know if it's a big deal or not? But then he went into a rage for about 40mins and punched a hole in the wall.[/quote:1d3xvgs6] Sandie, while I appreciate that what you're trying to get at is that you "slapped" him first - a slap on the back and one round the face are totally different, even from the point of view of two physical equals. To me, anyway, a slap on the face is infinitely worse. It's far more violent, and it implies a much higher level of control and punishment. He had absolutely no cause to hit you like that, he should have apologised for hitting you in the first place, however accidental. If my h2b ever, [i:1d3xvgs6]ever[/i:1d3xvgs6] hit me in the face, that would be it. Honestly.
Mrs.slightly bonkers Posts: 3289
Did he say anything immeditaley after he realised he hit you. Or did he just get annoyed more when u slapped him on the back. There is no real excuse for him slapping your face was a bit out of order.
Sandie Posts: 91
Graceface, I know, it's completely different. He said he just snapped. My face is still sore. Mrs. Slightly bonkers, after his 40mins or so of flipping he sat sown with me, crying and apologising, trying to hug me and tryin to assure me that it'd never happen again and he said he couldn't believe what he had done, he said he's giving up drinking and will understand if i want him to go but he doesn't want us to split up.
graceface Posts: 3632
[quote="Sandie":1t7u42or]Graceface, I know, it's completely different. He said he just snapped. [b:1t7u42or]My face is still sore.[/b:1t7u42or] Mrs. Slightly bonkers, after his 40mins or so of flipping he sat sown with me, crying and apologising, trying to hug me and tryin to assure me that it'd never happen again and he said he couldn't believe what he had done, he said he's giving up drinking and will understand if i want him to go but he doesn't want us to split up.[/quote:1t7u42or] Yeah well to me that would be a pretty nasty indication of how hard he hit you, and how much force he used. I really don't know how to advise you hun - because maybe he's telling the truth about being sorry, but if he's capable of doing it once "unintentionally", then he's capable of doing it twice, I'd imagine. And I know that many women - even on this thread - have told you a dozen tales of men who apologised profusely again and again, it would never happen again, etc. etc., but it did. Eventually. If I were you I would be very wary, at least, of pushing the bar of tolerance up every time he does something, so that you don't have to leave. As in "oh well, if he does it again, I'll leave" he does it again "oh well, if he hits the kids, I'll leave" he hits the kids "oh well, if..." And so on. Just be really careful, ok? He [i:1t7u42or]might[/i:1t7u42or] not hit you again, but is it worth the risk? :thnk
gerbil Posts: 3528
People may like to think "it depends on circumstances" but maybe it is more honest to say, it depends on the person :o( It hurts, is scary and is awful to have to end a relationship that you don;t want to end. But it's so much worse to stay and be the person who took violent abuse from your partner. It's risking muhc more than just being on your own. I know it's easy to judge from the outside, but I don't think these situations "just happen", out of the blue and out of character. The circumstances leading up it, (eg a row when drunk, a screaming match, regular fights etc) usually happen over a period of time. He may not have hit you before but how good really was your relationship before this? do you row frequently, are you often verbally abusive to each other...I honestly think these are things you need to think about. best of luck though, it;s a terrible situation and I really hope you're ok.