sandie just wanted to say hope everything works out for you, do what you think is right and let us know how you get on
Wasnt sure whether to answer or not as ive no experience of it, I think its very easy for someone to say just leave him without knowing the WHOLE situation of how this was brought on, But I do agree that you should look into his/his father or even his mothers background and see if theres any history of violence cause if there is it may not be the one and only time its gonna happen. If theres nothing and this is REALLY out of character of and you are as SURE as you can be that it WONT happen again well then maybe give him a chance and BE SO firm that that is his ONE and only chance, dont be a door mat for any man.
Good luck with your decision,
these situations are never cut and dry. But the bottom line is nobody has the right to put their hands on you. And if he hits you once he WILL hit you again. I guess it up to the person to make the decision if they are willing to take the risk.
Id love to say id DEFINATELY go that my better sense would tell me that this is the beginning of a long line of slaps which will eventually escalate. But if im 100% honest, i dont know if he could talk me around
Sandie, nobody in this forum is in a position to definitively tell you you should leave him/stay with him. Gerbil says it depends on the person rather than the circumstances. This I think is true, but what I also believe is true is that given the right(or rather wrong) conditions, an awful lot of us are capable of doing things we would've thought inconceivable.
On the one hand there's the fact that he hit you so hard you're still sore. Also, being so angry to punch the wall, he was clearly out of control.
On the other hand, in 5 years this has been the first time it has happened and that's a long time to have a clean record. Also, the fact that he has said he'll quit drink shows he's taking his wrong doing very seriously.
I find myself squirming when I read the replies saying simply that you should leave. I agree with the comments that it's not balck and white and that you should avoid sweeping generalisations. Again, I or anyone else can't tell you what to do, but form what you've posted my gut would be to stay at least for a while. Talk to him. See if you can let him regain your trust/confidence. Get counselling. Or rather maybe he should get anger management classes (though to be honest, as this was a once off after knowing him so long perhaps this is OTT).
My DH slapped me across the face about 6 years ago (albeit the fact I hit home first but only a cautionary tap-not in anger -his response was angry and forceful). He never apologised (he's a stubborn git!) and we just got on with things. There was no other violent occasion bar the odd childish pinch or aggravated nudge, when he was younger. But he has grown out of it and I now believe it was immaturity ( we were only 17 when we got together), like the way my brothers would've hit me when we were kids. I know your situation is different, and I don't want to make light of anybody's situation. There are men and women ou ther living in deadly situations but feel they can't escape. But I also think there is so much media emphasis on these severe situations that it can result in an unrealistic zero tolerance attitude. The line has to down somewhere of course.
Only you can decide where that line should be drawn because on both ends of the spectrum you have a lot to lose. On one side the current love of your live and on the other hand your personal safety, health, respect..
Best of luck with whatever decision you make and let us know how it goes xx
I certainly wouldn't move out, however, I'd have his bags packed & the locks changed in a flash, why should you be put out on the street when you've done nothing wrong. IMO if he's done it once & gotten away with it, the chances are next time won't seem like its out of the ordinary.
Hope you're not going through this yourself, but if you are, be strong & look after number 1
[quote="chocaddict":8vpovh14]Sandie, nobody in this forum is in a position to definitively tell you you should leave him/stay with him. Gerbil says it depends on the person rather than the circumstances. This I think is true, but what I also believe is true is that given the right(or rather wrong) conditions, an awful lot of us are capable of doing things we would've thought inconceivable.
hiya chocaddict, I agree, any of us could end up in circumstances we never thought of. But I do think that we end up there because of choices we make, and choosing to stay with someone who hits you is one of those choices. In your case, you feel it worked out, but for many its the beginning of a nightmare and if they made the hard choice at the beginning they could have avoided many of those awful circumstances. Again, totally accept it's easier said than done but it really is a choice at the moment. It may not be later.
How are things now Sandie? Have you come to any decision?
Thinking of you
Well, we're still together and we have been speaking. I know in my heart that this will NEVER happen again and IF it did i'll make sure the world knows. I know some people will think i'm an awful eejit for still being with him but things have been ok since it happened. He hasn't had a drink and has been making a huge effort. Only time will tell though.
Thanks for thinking of me
[quote="chocaddict":1e6jb1sy]How are things now Sandie? Have you come to any decision?
Thinking of you
Glad you feel it can work out. You seem like a strong person and not one likely to excuse an outburst like that more than once.
Best of luck