6th June 2008 14:08Hi I am still a liitle numb in writing this but we have had few issues over the last few weeks where I have been asking what's up etc and before we go ahead with anymore wedding plans to tell me and we will work through in together - nobody cheated, we just were'nt the same - I thought it may have been done to financial pressure etc as wedding date was getting closer and closer - so eventually on Sunday night I asked WTF is going on I can't do this anymore I need to know what's bothering you - he came back with you will not be happy with my answer!! I left the house @ 3am mind you after a night out we both went on - went to my sister's - stayed there, and said he can contact me when he is ready to give me some answer's - he text on Mon @6pm saying to come home he would go and stay in his mothers - I told him this was'nt a good idea to stay @ home I would stay where I was - he told me his head was mess and he needed some space - ( I should point out we are 12 yrs together - have a house 6yrs ) I has what's wrong he told me he doe'snt know whether he feels the same about me anymore and doe'snt know what to do - decision to make as he is afraid of making the wrong one - I agreed to give him as much time as he needed to sort him self out and when he was ready I would be there - my world was crashing all around me and there was not one thing I could do about. He phoned me Tuesday @10pm to tell me that he did'nt want to stay in the house as he needed neutral ground and stuff the did'nt remind him of us and he was going to go to his mothers and I said fine but I still wont go home I needed the same and people around me - but I told him to come on Sunday and either way we will talk face to face. Last night he phoned me @8.30pm from our house - I asked how come he was there he said he could'nt stay in his parents as they where annoying him and kept asking Q - so he had no where else to go so drove for a while then arrived home - but he got a shock as he did think I was going to be there. So we met up last night in the house and he dropped this almigthy boe shell on me - that he doe'snt have anymore romantic feeling s for me and he has tried to get past it but can't - we had a very heart to heart last night and he told me it's over I can't actually believe this is happening as we have 12 yrs memorys together - home and I was becoming his wife in 6mths time............. WTFFFFFFFFFF I was calm / cryed / calm / cryed I did'nt think was actually happening - he bawled for the whole conversation saying that he never thought this would ever happen and that he never thought of his life without me but he can't help if he doe'snt have those sort of feelings for me anymore - I was annoyed that when he started to feel like this we could have worked it out together went to counselling etc to try - @ least try for FFS - so as he has no where to go and we sorted of ended it very amibicale (sp) we agreed he would stay in the house - we won't to selling it just yet as I told him last night I have just lost enough in 1 night I can't loose my home aswell. I will still be living here when I want he agreed it's still my home and still spilt bills as normal but it may work it may not but for the time been we are going to see what happen's to old saying we will still be friends came up as I left - he said he still truly wanted that as for 12 yrs I was his Best friend and he to me. I am not really looking for advice / words of wisdom my whole family are in complete shock as we have been together so long and I have been with him since I was 16. I am scared about the future as I thought in 2 yrs time I would sitting in my front room of my beautiful home with my husband and him playing with our child - and no that's not going to happen - it still has'nt hit me fully yet as - I cry when I think about not kissing / holding him / laying inbed together on sunday morning - these everyday stuff are gone and this makes me sad / scared and wondering will my life ever be the same again without him in it. And for the last time I am going to attached my ticker then it's gone - he said he would cancel all our wedding bookings - but in the next room is my wedding dress I can't bare to look at.