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Money Issues - V sorry but its quite an essay! - Page 7

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milis Posts: 7998
DEFINATELY keep posting :o)ll This is the trap many women fall into. They stop telling people what's going on, and when they aren't getting outside opinions, the irrational becomes the norm and gradually you don't notice that things are crazy.
goldyp Posts: 26
Mammy Bean, honestly I didn’t take offence to anything that anyone said, Im really grateful for all the sense I have heard on this site. I just realise that I cant keep posting with the same old complaints, listening to all the good advice and do nothing about it, Im just going to be proactive now and its make or break. Next time I post I will have made progress either way.
architec Posts: 1306
I think your last post is the most positive I've heard from you since this has been going on. I'm going to keep this short, cos I know only too well I have a tendency to preach.... You are with this guy about a year and a half, yes? You are engaged to be married. This should be the 'honeymoon' period, the time the two of you have each other to focus on and no one else in your lives such as children to cause distraction from being all lurved up. Basically, if he's like this now, what the hell will he be like in ten years time with maybe sick children, school reports, and a whole host of other issues that crop up in the natural course of one's life? This is a good time for everyone, male and female, to ascertain and assess whether or not the person they are planning to marry is the right one for them. He is not proving to be worthy of your partnership for life, especially as this is the easy part of a relationship - it's fresh, the excitement of planning a wedding, getting to know each others families, friends, habits, lovable and irritating habits. I think it's make or break for this guy, I really do.
lets go fly a kite Posts: 2388
[quote="Callalily":3jrs6hwb]I agree with autumnbridetobe, it does sound like there's a lot more happening behind the scenes and the money issue is just the scum on the surface, to mix my metaphors. It sounds sort of familiar to me. You can of course decide for yourself whether I might have a point or not, but... Man is afraid of confrontation (never starts discussions even when something is blatantly wrong) Man is unhappy Man wants out Man has absolutely no intention of having to do the breaking up if he can possibly avoid it Man is making himself deliberately unpleasant Man is picking fights and being in-your-face grumpy Man is just hoping you will do the hard work of initiating the break up yourself. [b:3jrs6hwb]For the doubters, I have known, or known of, both men AND women who adopt this tactic when they want out but don't want to confront the problem![/b:3jrs6hwb] One of my bf's mates is adopting this tactic at the moment and I feel so sorry for his girlfriend, by all accounts she's very sweet but he just doesn't want to be with her so is trying to make her go away without having to dump her... (he's 30 but very immature but that goes without saying!).[/quote:3jrs6hwb] 12 year olds perhaps. Normal adults don't behave like that. I'm beginning to think you're a troll, nobody could have such a bizarre way of looking at things and all you do is exploit the insecurities of the OP to paint the most bleak scenario possible.
Callalily Posts: 325
Oh grow up. Troll yourself.
shobie Posts: 1437
[quote="lets go fly a kite":2jn4khnm][quote="Callalily":2jn4khnm]I agree with autumnbridetobe, it does sound like there's a lot more happening behind the scenes and the money issue is just the scum on the surface, to mix my metaphors. It sounds sort of familiar to me. You can of course decide for yourself whether I might have a point or not, but... Man is afraid of confrontation (never starts discussions even when something is blatantly wrong) Man is unhappy Man wants out Man has absolutely no intention of having to do the breaking up if he can possibly avoid it Man is making himself deliberately unpleasant Man is picking fights and being in-your-face grumpy Man is just hoping you will do the hard work of initiating the break up yourself. [b:2jn4khnm]For the doubters, I have known, or known of, both men AND women who adopt this tactic when they want out but don't want to confront the problem![/b:2jn4khnm] One of my bf's mates is adopting this tactic at the moment and I feel so sorry for his girlfriend, by all accounts she's very sweet but he just doesn't want to be with her so is trying to make her go away without having to dump her... (he's 30 but very immature but that goes without saying!).[/quote:2jn4khnm] 12 year olds perhaps. Normal adults don't behave like that. I'm beginning to think you're a troll, nobody could have such a bizarre way of looking at things and all you do is exploit the insecurities of the OP to paint the most bleak scenario possible.[/quote:2jn4khnm] LGFAK, It's a valid point she made, stop being antagonistic. Who are you to question her view point? Since when are you the authority on all things?
lets go fly a kite Posts: 2388
[quote="shobie":lb36zrnb][quote="lets go fly a kite":lb36zrnb][quote="Callalily":lb36zrnb]I agree with autumnbridetobe, it does sound like there's a lot more happening behind the scenes and the money issue is just the scum on the surface, to mix my metaphors. It sounds sort of familiar to me. You can of course decide for yourself whether I might have a point or not, but... Man is afraid of confrontation (never starts discussions even when something is blatantly wrong) Man is unhappy Man wants out Man has absolutely no intention of having to do the breaking up if he can possibly avoid it Man is making himself deliberately unpleasant Man is picking fights and being in-your-face grumpy Man is just hoping you will do the hard work of initiating the break up yourself. [b:lb36zrnb]For the doubters, I have known, or known of, both men AND women who adopt this tactic when they want out but don't want to confront the problem![/b:lb36zrnb] One of my bf's mates is adopting this tactic at the moment and I feel so sorry for his girlfriend, by all accounts she's very sweet but he just doesn't want to be with her so is trying to make her go away without having to dump her... (he's 30 but very immature but that goes without saying!).[/quote:lb36zrnb] 12 year olds perhaps. Normal adults don't behave like that. I'm beginning to think you're a troll, nobody could have such a bizarre way of looking at things and all you do is exploit the insecurities of the OP to paint the most bleak scenario possible.[/quote:lb36zrnb] LGFAK, It's a valid point she made, stop being antagonistic. [b:lb36zrnb]Who are you to question her view point? [/b:lb36zrnb]Since when are you the authority on all things?[/quote:lb36zrnb] That's the basis of a discussion. Don't you understand the concept?
shobie Posts: 1437
LGFAK- You called her a troll because you don't agree with her point. That's not intelligent discussion, its flat out rude. I'm not getting into mud slinging episode with you.
lets go fly a kite Posts: 2388
[quote="shobie":wkibdccg]LGFAK- You called her a troll because you don't agree with her point. That's not intelligent discussion, its flat out rude. I'm not getting into mud slinging episode with you.[/quote:wkibdccg] I said I [u:wkibdccg]suspected[/u:wkibdccg] her of being a troll because she consistently suggests the most dramatic and upsetting explaination for a wide range of scenarios.
Delish Posts: 4176
Hey I'm very late to the thread but here is my two cents. Your partner is a bit of a control freak, in that all the paying for everything at the start is a method of both impressing you and also keeping the ball in his court at all times. Then as the relationship becomes more secure, he feels he doesn't need to pay for everything as the groundrules have already been cemented. I think it indicates a lot of insecurity on his part. Firstly he has to buy you to keep you/impress you/woo you and then secondly he is wracked with worries as to whether you are using him for his money or not and thirdly he suspects you were cheating on him at the start. He probably doesn't like you treating him as it takes away his position of power. He likes to give off the impression he is generous and not super money conscious but then at the same time when he is honest to both himself and to you he admits he wants everything 50/50 (to curb his own suspiscions that he is not being taken for a ride). He seems really insecure and seems like somewhat of a bully as a result of his own insecurities. Anyway you know him best, and maybe if you can talk it all out with him, he will learn that you love him for him and not his money. I agree with Callalilly's suggestion that you agree to pay 50/50 but tell him that by doing that it will be necessary for both you to live within tighter means as that is all your budget can meet. If the moods etc continue and if he wont come down a peg or two to live within a lower budget but yet wont facilitate you living within his means then what can you do but take a break from each other.