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Private Lapdance - Page 11

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Roz Posts: 588
[quote="Mrs.G":1evps52v][quote="fantasy08":1evps52v][quote="Mrs.G":1evps52v]I honestly can't believe some of the things that I am reading on this post. First up to the girls who think every guy does this ... no they don't & you are completly fooling yourself if you think so. For those who pay for their H2B's to have a lap dance ... how insecure are you? Get some proverbial balls please!! Are you sitting at home reading "how to keep your man" while he is out at some lap dancing club with a stripper. and please stop kidding yourselves, it is not "for a laugh" if they wanted a laugh they would go to a comedy club, this is to get aroused, end of story. And lets be honest, if these women would strip for €10, do a lap dance for €25 ... what would they do for €50?? And please don't tell me that I need to be more open minded, I am open minded enough to see that I am my fiancees equal and deserve the same level of respect and fidelity that he does.[/quote:1evps52v] Couldnt have said it better myself! :wv[/quote:1evps52v] Thank you... glad to see there are some strong minded women out there. Our foremothers didn't burn their bras for nothing !! :thnk :wv[/quote:1evps52v] I know. I cant understand some womens thinking when it comes to things like this. Its all about mutual respect and i know for a fact that my H2B would never treat me like this :wv
Mrs.G Posts: 1828
ya I do too... he is one in a million. Poor moneymaid .. hope she is okay now.
doesmybumlookbiginthis? Posts: 480
without trying to offend anyone.....i wouldnt be putting up with any nonsence excuses for behaviour like that at all....drink? peer pressure? the craic? i mean wtf...weren't these excuses we gave our parents for getting drunk before we were old enough something which we did on purpose? not really suitable as an excuse/reason for misbehaving with a lap dancer! in fact there is no excuse i could see that would justify or explain it away....if you choose to let it go and move on then fair play...if not then fair play also-its your decision and what you have to live with-trust has been damaged here and i feel that the long term effects of this will cause a ripple effect throughout the rest of your relationship/marriage-its very difficult to repair and having the moral high ground over him might not be enough to help you get over that breach of trust and confidence and security that you once shared with him...being honest though i wonder did he only tel you the bits he felt you could cope with to gauge your reaction??? maybe there is more to the story or he was afraid someone else would tell and he thought hed save face by telling first???
Briony Posts: 185
[quote="architec":332ke5p6] He told her the unpleasant details, it's hurt her to the core, to what avail? He gets off now as the honest donkey, while she focusses on 'nipplegate'. Not a nice situation to be in. He could have told her he went to the lapdancing club, unfortunately it happens and she could deal with it as she chose. But by describing what he did during a private dance, it's not constructive to the situation and he's jeopardised the relationship, whether he intends to or not is another story.[/quote:332ke5p6] What if this happened to you and you found out from one of his friends a few months later? Do you not think that would be far far worse than him telling you himself? I really don't understand where you're coming from thinking that he shouldn't have told her. Anyway, I hope she doesn't throw away her marriage over this.
Mrs.G Posts: 1828
I have to agree with what gerimacc is saying on this. What a horrible situation. also Briony ... without being extreme, is it wrong to consider that he threw away the marriage by behaving like this? i would never be able to forgive this behaviour as I would feel husband had cheated on me, broke our vows, our trust, our intimacy. I would never trust this person again.
voice of Posts: 19
You have contradicted yourself there, voice of (reason? I think not). He's dumb for telling her, but at least it was honest? So you think he SHOULD have told her, but he was stupid for doing it? Clarify please. He told her the unpleasant details, it's hurt her to the core, to what avail? He gets off now as the honest donkey, while she focusses on 'nipplegate'. Not a nice situation to be in. He could have told her he went to the lapdancing club, unfortunately it happens and she could deal with it as she chose. But by describing what he did during a private dance, it's not constructive to the situation and he's jeopardised the relationship, whether he intends to or not is another story.[/quote] Firstly, it matters not to me whether you think Im the voice of reason or not, after all, you condone hishonesty in relationships, you're opinions on me and on relationships are therefore irrelevant to me. I do think he should have told her, I think he deserves some credit for that, although in the light of what he did that credit is short lived. I cant believe anyone would condone not telling her, doesnt everyone here go on about honesty? isnt it what everyone wants in their relationships? Isnt it what numerous brides have said is the basis of their relationships? It seems that it is but only when it suits. Recently someone else posted about snogging someone and everyone condoned lies there too. He did something stupid and disrespectful to his oh and he felt that it was okay to just blurt it out to her, thats why I think he's an ass, He should have realised it was something more serious and was something he should be sorry about. Sometimes the blaise attitude people have to their actions hurts as much as the initial action, I believe it was his blaise attitude to getting a private lapdance that help to fuel OP's rage.
architec Posts: 1306
Fair comment, but it's the fact he went into detail that bothers me. If you read the context of my comments, you'd see that. I don't think any of his mates would give her a blow-by-blow account of what happened in a few months time. He chose to tell her, without being pushed by her, the details. Why? Fear? Guilt? Honesty? None of these factors make what he did acceptable. If he should be forgiven simply for being 'honest' then where does that leave us? Take it a step further and then it'll be 'oh, he slept with a hooker on the stag weekend, but at least he told me about it, how honest he is, I must forgive him'. I don't buy that excuse. It means anyone can get off the hook for anything if they just admit to it in the first place. He shouldn't have done it in the first place, but he did. He could have played it down to appease her, but he chose not to. He chose to upset her, for what reason? Yes, he may have felt guilty; so then he knows he shouldn't have done it and hopefully won't do it again. But if guilt was the driving factor, then why add fuel to the fire? The fact was he got a private dance, nipples or no nipples, which in itself is hurtful to a lot of women. He knew she wouldn't like it, so why kick her why she's down? There's more to it - I stand by my opinion.
Mrs.G Posts: 1828
I think we are all in agreement that what he did was wrong. As for telling her & telling her everything ... I would want to know .. I would want to know every detail ... Otherwise how could I make an informed decision about the relationship. there may indeed be more to it ... ... what about OP? has she told us what shes decided to do?
Briony Posts: 185
[quote="Mrs.G":3pevfttk]I have to agree with what gerimacc is saying on this. What a horrible situation. also Briony ... without being extreme, is it wrong to consider that he threw away the marriage by behaving like this? i would never be able to forgive this behaviour as I would feel husband had cheated on me, broke our vows, our trust, our intimacy. I would never trust this person again.[/quote:3pevfttk] It's not a matter of right or wrong. But this is the situation where I would need to invoke my vows - where I said that we would stand by eachother in all difficult situations, this being one of them.
Mrs.G Posts: 1828
[quote="Briony":f8i7oz7l][quote="Mrs.G":f8i7oz7l]I have to agree with what gerimacc is saying on this. What a horrible situation. also Briony ... without being extreme, is it wrong to consider that he threw away the marriage by behaving like this? i would never be able to forgive this behaviour as I would feel husband had cheated on me, broke our vows, our trust, our intimacy. I would never trust this person again.[/quote:f8i7oz7l] It's not a matter of right or wrong. But this is the situation where I would need to invoke my vows - where I said that we would stand by eachother in all difficult situations, this being one of them.[/quote:f8i7oz7l] Why isn't it a case of right or wrong? I think this is a v. clear cut case of what is right or wrong? It depends on your own morals I suppose.