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Sometimes hard to handle

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apbride Posts: 13
Hi all, I just want some advice on how to cope with a certain situation. Basically my H2B has two children from a previous relationship. They were only together 2 and a half years and he was quite young at the time. Needless to say there is not a great relationship between the childrens mother and H2B. She has caused a lot of problems and tries to stop him from seeing the children. I find at times that it gets too much to handle. I have been with my H2B for five years and I love him so much. I get on great with the children and they never cause us any hassle at all. They don't remember H2B with their mother as they were very young. They are all excited about the wedding. Sometimes I feel really insecure about him having kids with someone else eventhough he says he never loved her and swears by this. He is the best in the world and does everything he can to make it easer on me. He has been very patient with me thoughout the years as he knows it gets me down but can't understand why I fell so insecure. Sometimes it doesnt bother me at all but some days it gets me really down. I even feel embarressed at times to tell people he has 2 children and I feel really bad about that. I go out with H2B and children when he does have them and it doesen't bother me then but to say it to people I find it hard. Has anyone eles been in this situation and how did ye/they copy. Sorry about the long post
Gone2007 Posts: 4182
Hi! I have no experience of this but I have seen a few posts along these lines beofre and Frankie usually comes on, but i don't think she is around at the moment. Anyway I have seen her mention that there is a step-parents forum on rollercoaster,ie and that it is very good. Hope that helps!
Moet for me Posts: 1841
That is just what I was going to suggest. The girls in there are in the same boat and they are fantastic
sequined spandex Posts: 80
HI Apbride, rollercoaster.ie has a great section as the other girls said, you should check it out. I am not in that situation myself, but I can get where you're coming from. Of course you are gong to have mixed feelings about it, and I think it's great you get on with the children so well, and your H2B sounds like he's doing his best to make sure you don't ever feel bad about it. I would try not to be so worried about saying anything to other people about your H2B having children before he met you, if anything it says more about you that you have taken H2B's children to your heart and welcomed them with open arms, you sound like you are trying to make the situation work for all of you. People will respect you for that. Nowadays almost everyone has some experience of someone they know with step-children, so don't feel embarrassed, you sound like you are doing great! Don't be embarrassed either because you sometimes feel insecure, it's natural to have moments where you might feel a little insecure, it's allowed! BUt at the end of the day your H2B loves you and chose you to marry and spend the rest of his life with, so focus on that when you might feel a little down. Hopefully the people over in the step-parenting forum on rollercoaster will be of more help to you as they have first hand experience of this.
roma2011 Posts: 1208
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doesmybumlookbiginthis? Posts: 480
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Take 2! Posts: 403
doesmybumlookbiginthis- fair play to you! i wish YOU were my h2b's sons mother and not the witch he has!! i am stuck with a wench who only acknowledges i exist when she wants to blame me on something and SCREAMS my name down the phone at him- like H2B has to work and can't mind their son, soon she will blame the weather on me too! We went one day to see him play football as it was a final and he was so excited, so me and H2B brought him early to warm up etc and were standing on the side line when she walked up...... and said "Hi Mr Shotgun"...... Mr Shotgun this, Mr Shotgun that...... One hour and a half of hearing her ask him 101 questions (none of which were important! like AFTER she read the leaflet with teams on it she asked him what number was he playing - YOU JUST READ IT O:| O:| O:| O:| O:| ) and refusing to acknowledge i was even alive!! Trust me the day got worse but i am annoyed even thinking about it so i will move on now.......... anyway i have to say to all you mothers that accept your ex's new partners, THANK YOU cause it really does make a huge difference to everyone and most importantly your kids
roma2011 Posts: 1208
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woohoo09 Posts: 630
Hi edited cos I just read it and gave away toom much info! hope it all works out though!
LAdancer Posts: 445
[quote="nooneknows":1l6bouyo] As much as I hate her, and love the child, she is the mother. I'm just the stepmom... Sometimes, when I see her, I crumple up inside at the thought of her. [b:1l6bouyo]I hate the fact that she has any hold over my htb. It breaks my heart that I'll not the the mother of his first child. It makes me sick to the skin that when we ever get pregnant, it'll be my first time for everything, but not exciting (in a firsttime, new way) for htb[/b:1l6bouyo]......... [/quote:1l6bouyo] I was actually going to post the same thing as to why the OP might feel insecure. H2B and I have a child together, no previous. Although I have wondered what I would feel like if he did have a child with an ex. And the above summed up exactly how I would feel if I was in that situation. xx