Stabbed in the Back ---------- AGAIN

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redchick Posts: 140
Not sure where to start with this one but my co wrkr stabbed my in the back about 2 years ago cos she couldn't have her own way about something ( I'm manager of our dept) - i was absolutely gutted cos I thought we had a good relationship, to the point of meeting up on days off etc, but because she thought that she couldn't get reduced working hours tried to show me up as a bad manager. I put it behind me and carried on as if nothing happened but now a similar situation has arisen and she's done it again. I'm absolutely devestated about it, can't sleep and am sick of crying. I'm seriously thinking about seeing a solicitor next week and also gonna start actively looking for another job. I've almost bent over backwards in the past few months to suti her family circumstances and been very lenient with time off and letting her some in late or go home early and now she's turned on me because I've had to put my foot down over something that she's not happy with. Not sure why I'm posting this cos no1 can help and h2b's heartbroken watchin me cry. Any advice or words of comfort?????
livadia Posts: 351
redchick, Sorry to hear you're upset. Really disappointing when you bend over backwards for someone, and then they treat you that way. I know it feels like the easiest way out of the situation would be for YOU to leave your job, but unfortunately, being a manager often requires making decisions staff may not agree with or don't like -- but *it is* your job to do so. Have you tried talking to *your boss* about how he/she thinks you should handle the situation? He/she may have some good advice/insight and it always helps to let your own superiors know the challenges you're facing. Hope things work out. In the meantime, enjoy the long weekend which at least means you'll have one less day next week to deal with "your friend." Best, Livadia
graceface Posts: 3632
It sounds like this woman seriously needs to grow the hell up, TBH. If you have bent over backwards as much as you say you have, then that's more than an awful lot of managers will do. If you left and she got someone else in your position, the irony is that the new person probably wouldn't put up with this kind of carry-on for a moment, and she'd get her own way even less than she does now. I know it's often easier said than done - but it sounds to me like you need to put a brave face on and try to stop being upset about this, and start being angry. You have done your best to accomodate her. You have let her have her own way, [i:3eghm1j2]within reason[/i:3eghm1j2]. She hasn't appreciated it, and instead of showing gratitude for her fortunate situation of having a boss who is reasonable and fair, she has stabbed you in the back. It's unprofessional, it's unfair, and it's frankly pathetic. Look, at the end of the day, as long as you can prove that you've gone as far as you could to accomodate her within the confines of reason, she hasn't a leg to stand on if this issue comes to the attention of someone higher up in the company. She stands to lose a lot more in this situation than you do, I would imagine. So you keep your head up - you'll be ok. This woman sounds to me like a bit of a bully - stomping her proverbial feet if she doesn't get her way. To be quite frank, she's lucky you've put up with it this far. Most bosses wouldn't have, and if she ends up gettnig another one she's probably in for a rude awakening. As for you - look, there are going to be people like this wherever you go. You need to learn to deal with them, especially in a managerial position. Keep your chin up, petal :wv there are much more fish in the sea to share lunch with :o0 :thnk
Chococat Posts: 1632
It seems to me that she was all pally with you to wrap you around her little finger so you would work around her family circumstances. In the work force [i:gbyaboi1]EVERYONE[/i:gbyaboi1] is out for no.1 I know this is not really what you want to hear but she is a waste of your tears. You are obviously a better person & deserve better friends. I'm sorry to hear that you are so upset by this but I think you need to take this as a lesson learned. What doesn't break you will only make you stronger.
redchick Posts: 140
Thanks a mil for taking the time to post. I know you guys are right I have to toughen up. My dad said pretty much the same thing last night - his advice was stand my ground and to just forget about friendship and look at it as just a job. As he said I don't have to like her just tolerate her. Livadia I know what you mean - it's not possible to be a manager and be accomodating all of the time. i have spoken with my line manager and he is supporting me fully. however the chain of command is a bit sticky as there is an outsider who depends on our service greatly and she has also emailed him about it all. His attitude is that he just wants us to get on. It's so embarrassing to think that one jumped up little madam can cause so much agro (think that anger might actually be coming now) O:| >:o( Think i will have to find another lunch buddy graceface :o0 :o0 Sweetheart I think I've finally copped on to the fact that it is every person for themselves. I think basically I've been a doormat for her to wipe her feet on for the past few years, and ya know what it's my own damn fault. An old saying goes --- hit me once shame on you, hit me twice shame on me. Well not anymore, I know I'm right about this and I'll just have to speak up for myself and treat her with professionalism and no more. There's a meeting scheduled for the end of this month with all concerned and I'm gonna make damn sure that I behave in a detached professional way and NO MORE TEARS. Thanks again guys O-O O-O
MGTE Posts: 471
I think you have been more than fair and it sounds like a your co-worker is tossing her toys out of the pram because she can't have what she wants. You've been more than fair, way too nice (wish you were my boss !). You are the manager, its your decision, its give and take, and she's just taking, you've made a decision, stick by it. Let her go over your head if she wants, if you are able to show where you've been more than fair in the past they will back you up. She can't have everything she wants.
Chococat Posts: 1632
I'm glad to hear you are feeling better about this. Your dad is right, heed his wise words :o0 :wv O-O