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Boulevard Posts: 995
Did anyone ever have really bad times together in the run up to the wedding? Like, bad arguments over nothing, just being in bad form and under pressure. Did you ever say things like you weren't sure if you wanted a wedding after all? Silly things.. I feel like its all going wrong :o(
love struck Posts: 1125
[quote="Boulevard":2xh61xd0] Like, bad arguments over nothing, just being in bad form and under pressure. Did you ever say things like you weren't sure if you wanted a wedding after all? Silly things.. :o([/quote:2xh61xd0] Boulevard I think most couples feel a little bit of pressure on the lead up to their wedding particulary because you want everything to go smoothly and also the financial pressure. We had moments in the 3 weeks or so in the run up to the wedding.. Really just silly little disagreements, bad form etc... Didn't have the whole not sure if I want to marry you thing but I know some of my friends have had.. I think on the lead up to the wedding you find you have soo much to do that you forget about each other.. So maybe have a nice meal out and talk about life rather than the wedding and this might ease both of your minds...
Boulevard Posts: 995
Thanks love struck. I just don't know what to do. I love H2B so much, but he thinks everything is going wrong for us. He said his life is a mess, and though he loves me love doesn't mean anything if we can't get on. I am trying so hard not to cry here at my desk.
MrsChuffed Posts: 872
We never fought once in our enttire relationship until it came up to the weddiing. We were snapping each others heads off. It is quite normal.
willful Posts: 6822
[quote="MrsChuffed":dvrwcccv][b:dvrwcccv]We never fought once in our enttire relationship until it came up to the weddiing[/b:dvrwcccv]. We were snapping each others heads off. It is quite normal.[/quote:dvrwcccv] Snap. We really didn't argue but the year coming up to the wedding we were living apart, Mr.W had gone back to college so I was saving for both of us and Jaysus we just fought all the time! Like you B, at times I wondered what the hell we were doing getting married when all we seemed to be doing was arguing. But if you think about it, getting married is one of the biggest things you'll ever do together, you're bound to be tested to the limits. But you will get through it and when you do, all this arguing and bickering will seem like a bad dream! We're coming up to our first anniversary and seriously, once the wedding was over and all the pressure was off, we went back to no arguing-actually we're better than ever before and still blissfully in the honeymoon period. I have no doubt that this will happen for you too hun :xxx
TokenMale Posts: 6845
Hi Boulevard, I haven't experienced it to quite the level you're currently dealing with, but I've certainly had a few wobbles over the money side of it, basically thinking it's ridiculous to spend all this money on something that, to all intents and purposes, I don't think will change how I live or how I feel about NZ one iota. A few months ago I nearly flipped the lid totally and considered scaling everything back completely. I still wanted to get married, but the money aspect was really freaking me out, the silliness of spending all this money on a party had started to get to me. I've since come back from that, because ultimately I *am* doing what I want to do (I'd always had a big party in mind) but I can imagine that if either of you are having any doubts about what you want from it all, arguments and tension could easily ensue. Bear in mind, there's a big difference between wanting to be married and wanting a wedding. Try to stay focused on what's important.
MrsJayKay Posts: 3025
Boulevard we were the same. We very rarely argue but when we do we have the mother of all arguements but coming up to the wedding we were (or should I say [b:3cwk2i7t]I[/b:3cwk2i7t] was) snapping the head of DH. It's normal as you are getting stressed about things (even if you think that you're not you probably are a little bit). Don't read too much into it hun it is COMPLETELY normal.
Boulevard Posts: 995
Thanks guys, I am trying so hard not to cry but I think people are starting to notice. So many things were said though, that I just can't believe. I said some silly things that I did not mean, and H2B said after don't go back on what you've said why did you say it if you didnt mean it? He said he feels like a bully who is ruining the wedding for me, and what are we getting married for if we can't get along. I kept saying that i LOVE HIM, and I want to be his wife, and he said is it just so you can tell everyone that you are my wife. I said we will be our own family now, and he said that both of us are too keen to get away from our own families as they are not very nice, (which is true) but thats not why I want to get married! He said he's in debt since he met me, he's under pressure in his job, and we are just arguing over the stupidest things lately. He doesn't know what its all for. He said that I use my period as an excuse for my moods, and that everyone gets down somethimes. Part of me knows, that he is just adding everyday niggles on top of this, but the other half of me is really worried. Like, what if this is it? I know he loves me, but he said love does not matter if we can't get on. But I can't be without him, I love him so much I want to marry him and have his kids and spend my whole life with him. I said I was sorry for being stupid and bratty, and he said u are always apologising and I hate that I make u do that, he said he doesnt want to be telling me what to do or to change the way I am. He wants me to be me. But when I am me, he gets mad at the way I am. Gow we were so solid, and I was so happy with myself. I feel like such a selfish bit**, and i am ruining this for myself. He called me just after I got into work, and was really nice to me on the phone and I went to the loo and bawled my eyes out with relief that he was speaking to me. I can't cope with this I don't know what to do.
NowGone Posts: 8042
Boulevard, you've 9 weeks to go till your wedding. I'd expect that we'll be virtually the same at that point too. Look, it's an intensely stressful time - financially, emotionally and all the rest - you're concerned about money, your folks don't appear to be that supportive, and all the time the days are ticking by. It's totally natural to fight when the pressure's on, and it really sounds like your OH is feeling it too - he's probably just frustrated that the run in isn't smooth for you both. It'll be fine! Go home tonight, have a nice dinner and a bottle of wine, and DON'T talk about anything related to weddings.
MrsJayKay Posts: 3025
Right you've had a really bad arguement but I bet in a day or two all this will be sorted out. As you've said you love him and he loves you at the end of the day you will work this out. DH and I have had some REALLY bad arguements in the past that I thought that there was no way back from but we've always sorted it out in the end. You'll sort this out too. Most couples have rows at some stage or another . I know you're upset now and probably just want to go home. You'll sort this out Boulevard try not to worry too much. (((((BIG HUGS)))))